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sick
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August 26, 2011, 11:56:pm
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I'm sick of damn near everybody. I don't mean for this passage to be narcissistic; it's just my frustrations poured out through anger, and therefor biased.
First of all, the friends I have are such because I value what they have taught me. None of this includes you, if any of you happen to be reading. People are driving me fucking crazy. It's too hard to find a person who enjoys learning; which means being taught as well. I strive for more knowledge, it is a goal that I will never reach. It is a goal that I love. It seems like this world is clouded by PRIDE in ignorance and it makes me sick.
People want to live in their bullshit made-up worlds and let nothing new in. If someone happens to tell them something new, they blow it off as if it were false. What is truly false though? Everything is only a perception. These sorts of people can only believe blue is blue. There is no shading. It scares me that people are forgetting how much we are capable of if we work together.
I am no genius, fuck I'm only 19. However, when I look at my peers I see them wasting their life. No, I may not be in school. Yes, some of them are in school. However, in this current educational system they have separated certain teachings that only make true sense when taught hand-in-hand with each other. You are almost limiting yourself by going to school. I do not define my learnings in one certain path. I want to learn about everything. Why do I feel so alone then?
I'm trying to dabble in a little bit here, and a little bit there, and a little bit everywhere. Why is it then, that I am looked down on as this "unmotivated hippie," just because I don't want to go to school? I haven't found something that I'm so incredibly interested in that I want to tie my life down to it. This is my primary frustration.
I get so bored with dumb people that I start to manipulate them for fun. It doesn't make me feel good to do it. Especially when I am just doing it for attention. I bring myself down to a level to be pleasing. It is especially easy with boys. I can manipulate them into thinking one way, and then go a complete different direction to confuse them, even get an argument out of them. I just do it as something to pass the time, even though it is dull and makes me feel like a monster.
I am a social person. I love getting to know people, but some people are too fucking stupid. It is making me bitter and I am still so young. Maybe I just feel trapped since I haven't done any travelling in a few months, but I fucking hate this feeling. I just want to talk to someone without being clouded by their arrogant ignorance.
i'llstopbitchingnow
Mood: annoyed
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Fascinated
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August 26, 2011, 03:31:am
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I just learned so much. My friend Mathias is a genius. He just made me want to start studying certain things again.
Mood: fuckin amazed
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