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gothic_rocker22's Journal
My Songs
I don't usually write long texts I simply write down a poem (easier for me to express myself) to someone or about something that makes me happy, sad, pissed or what ever. Little songs that describe how I feel, and how is my life at that moment. Hope you enjoy them... And sorry for my grammar mistakes...
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...A Short Story...
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October 15, 2008, 09:29:am
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…NEGJE ISPOD PAKLA I RAJA…
Moje ime nije bitno, baš kao niti ime ovoga prljavog lokala u koji sam zašao popiti pivo. Godina i neki datum ništa ne znače jer svaki dan u ovome bezimenom gradu je isti.
Večer baš kao i svaka prije nje, dim cigarete liže mi prste čineći smrad skitnice, što pijan leži preko šanka, barem malo podnošljivijim. Tamo u kutu lokala stislo se dvoje mladih što u ekstazi žudnje proždiru jedno drugom usne, a ispred konobarica masne kose, što jedva stoji od umora na svojim, venama išaranim, nogama, dok joj dva previše otkopčana gumba na bluzi otkrivaju čipkasti grudnjak što joj nespretno pokušava sakriti grudi od pogleda nekog očajnika sa kraja šanka. Očaj… Očaj koji se može nožem rezati i širi se zrakom poput neke bolesti što uništava ovo nam dano, i odveć jadno, tijelo.
Da… Evo nas tu, ispljuvak onoga što prozvaše civilizacija, ili ti ga moderan svijet, u punom svome sjaju i veličanstvenosti. Jadno…
Znam da se sada vjerojatno naviješta dio kad bi trebao objasniti zašto sam tu ali već sam se umorio od tih silnih pitanja što sam ih postavljao nekom Bogu dok sam neprestano pijan od muke ležao na podu svog i previše skromna stana. Zajeban sam, i što tu mogu…
Osuđen provoditi dane ubijajući se za crkavicu koju šef naziva plaćom, samo da bi provodio večeri pijući pivo među kremom ološa ovoga smrdljivog grada pa kasnije utažio žeđ žudnje u krevetu sa nekom jeftinom kurvom, i odveć nagrizenom zubom vremena. I to je život. Baš…
Mogao bi vam prodati neku priču što ste i previše puta čitali u onim sladunjavim ljubavnim romanima, onu priču da nije oduvijek bilo tako, ali nisam ja od tih sretnika i lagati vam neću. Još otkad sam prije mnogo godina progrizao put van iz majčine utrobe ovo je život kojim živim i vjerojatno ću ga živjeti do svoje smrti. No kakve sam jebene sreće na ovo ću se i vratiti, i znate što… objeručke ću tu sudbinu prihvatiti.
Nisam vam rekao, jer, nije lako naći riječi dostojne stati pokraj njena imena, nije ih lako naći trijezan a kamo li nakon pet ili šest piva presječenih gorkim okusom pelina. Da… Tu je Ona… I stoji naslonjena na šank dok poput nekog neonskoga Sunca pali oko sebe ovaj očaj i jad. Zapetljana, valovita kosa pada joj na koščata ramena dok joj sa jednog pada naramenica izlizane večernje haljine otkrivajući joj pritom dobar dio leđa, sve tamo, dok ne seže razvezani korzet prljavo bijele boje što savršeno paše uz njene potrošene cipele.
Uff… Da… Ali ne mogu si ja priuštiti nju…
Ona pripada onoj kremi sa gornjega grada koja se, u skupim autima što zapomažu pod silinom konja i kubika ričući sakriveni pod njihovim sjajnim haubama, spusti možda jednom tjedno među ovu sirotinju i bijedu samo da bi utažili glad za moći i dominacijom dok mlate i kupuju, sileći svoj put u, ionako izmučena tijela djevojaka što se nude uz rubove ulica.
Da, ona njima pripada… Svim svojim tijelom prepunim modrica što stoje kao mrlje na licu i rebrima koje joj se dobrano naziru pod kožom, licem anđela, među ovim svim divljacima i propalicama, na kome se upadljivo nalazi ožiljak što ga je napravila oštrica noža jednog od onih prljavih gadova.
Heh… No, ja sam, kao, u tom svijetu, životinja, ološ, bitanga, ali reći ću vam odmah, među nama velike razlike nema ako se zanemari vanjština na koju smo osuđeni. Nema velike razlike između mene, koji sam, prije oko tjedan dana, gazio čizmom po licu nekog bijednika što me je sačekao u jednom od mračnih prolaza, koji se mogu naći ako prođete jednom od dviju glavnih ulica, privučen mirisom zamazanih novčanica jer je znao da mi početkom mjeseca dolazi plaća, i onoga pedera što je njoj unakazio lice, radi malo šuta adrenalina, dok je bio zaluđen u svojoj bolesnoj igri sadizma i dominacije.
Ali, na žalost, postoji razlika… I to mi se gadi…
On poslije toga odlazi u svoj skupi stan daleko od smrada i užasa ovoga dijela grada. On odlazi natrag svojoj, blaženoj u neznanju, supruzi kože meke poput najfinije svile, usana punih što dovode i najjače među muškarcima u iskušenje jednog poljupca, i svojoj djeci, pohlepnih ruku za svime materijalnim, što se ponosno nazivaju svoga oca sinovi i kćeri.
A ja? Ja prije nego što me odvuku u onu rupu od zatvora bivam pošteno namlaćen od strane onih bahatih, uniformiranih žandara, inače bivših džepara i delikvenata koji su regrutirani među redarstvene snage, od strane gospode u sjajnim automobilima, pa sada žive od one crkavice koju su nazvali državnom plaćom. Da, moj je peh što su večeras odlučili riješiti sve svoje frustracije na mojim leđima lomeći mi pritom kosti. I kao da to nije dosta, završavam bačen u onu rupu, ništa više gadniju od lokala u kojem sada pijem pivo, ali barem lokal ne zaudara na mokraću i izmet štakora što se goste ostacima ostataka ovoga izmučena grada. Da, tu ću večeras provesti noć, u rupi malo lošijoj od moga stana. Evo… To je vajda pravda…
Sat nemilosrdno otkucava sate, minute i vid mi se sada već polagano kvari dok na šanku, ispred mene, zbrajam desetak flaša pive presječenih sa isto toliko šutova pelina. Znam, sad će to izmamiti onaj izvijeni smiješak na moje lice… Ovoga puta sam nadmašio čak i svoja očekivanja, barem što se alkohola tiče a da ne spominjem svoje pripovjedačko umijeće i inspiraciju potaknutu, tko zna čime, ove večeri. Heh, još sam usprkos svemu tome sposoban ostati pribran u nadi da ću vam uspjeti reći još koju riječ, pričajući vam svoju priču.
Ehh… Sitne radosti u životu jednoga bijednika…
Ono dvoje mladih već se davno diglo iz sjene i prošlo nespretno, gurajući se među ljudima što su se sad skupili oko šanka, van iz ovoga lokala. Sretnici mislim si ja. Vide sreću tamo gdje će uskoro svoje mjesto pronaći sumnja i strah od gubitka kada zaljubljenost digne sidro i napusti njihova tijela. Ljubav, su tome ime dali.
Ehh, ljubav… Izmišljotina komercijalista, željnih prodaje slatkiša u svrsi stjecanja bogatstva, i onih zaluđenih pjesnika što su tražili neko više objašnjenje veze između dva ljudska bića. Gadi mi se to… Meni je žudnja mnogo bliža, opipljivija i shvatljivija od neke iluzije ljubavi prema nekom biću, nastalom u našim glavama, dok nas nemilosrdno gazi svojom čizmom pohlepna osoba koju grlimo svojim rukama slijepi vidjeti što to stoji pred nama i kako nas iskorištava. Žudnja je lakša i prijateljstvom se može objasniti ona psihološka ovisnost o osobi kraj koje se budimo svaki dan. Da, kada bi samo sve to bilo tako lako onda ne bi sada tu, u nekom polu snu, pognute glave, krajičkom oka gledao nju, smatrajući se nevrijednim svojega postojanja, iako sam vidno bolji od većine hodajućih mrtvaca što su se sjatili večeras van.
Uff… Baš sam se ja našao o svemu tome mudrovati…
Napokon me alkohol presjekao, pa mi se glava sada čini preteška dok uzaludno pokušavam uloviti ravnotežu padajući na prljavi pod. U magli razabirem ispucale ruke jednog od radnika što me pokušavaju pridignuti ne bi li mi pomogao da se izvičem van iz lokala. Svjež zrak nakratko mi bisti misli no za čas se vračam na staro dok teturam slijep ulicom do svog stana. Stara ulazna vrata ne popuštaju pod mojom upornošću da ih otvorim, pa padam na tlo izmoren, što od utjecaja alkohola koji neumorno, poput nagibnog vlaka, sada juri ovim tijelom, što od kronične neispavanosti izazvane ovim sranjem od života koji živim.
Eto me tu… Još malo, mislim si, pa će mi se kapci zatvoriti i ovoj mučnini doći će kraj. Barem u snu, ako ga uspijem uhvatiti, zaboravljam ulice ovoga grada, a smrad kanalizacije, što šire skitnice noseći ga utkanog u svoju odjeću i kožu, zamjenjuje miris čistoga zraka slobode što ga dišem na rubu rijeke prije no što ću se baciti u nju opijen znatiželjom onoga što skriva ispod površine. A uz rub rijeke čekati će me ona. Zaklonjena od Sunca pod onim šeširom širokoga oboda, što ga se može vidjeti na glavi otmjenih gornjogradskih supruga, dok bude polagano pušila cigaretu, na dugoj crnoj cigaršpici kao dama.
Ehh, sada sam slobodan u svojoj sreći, to jest, barem do jutra, kada će san opet zamijeniti noćna mora s kojom ću se morati suočiti i od svega ostati će samo gorak okus pive i pelina u ustima, kao podsjetnik stvarnosti što će ga ostaviti ova moja iluzija.
Da… U ovom užasu što nema početka, niti kraja, tamo na ulici, negdje ispod pakla i raja…
Written By: Darko Hrvojić (gothic_rocker22)
P.S. I apologize to my friends that don't speak Croatian... I will soon translate it into English so you could all hopefully enjoy. 
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...Going Away For A While...
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July 10, 2008, 06:01:am
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Just to inform those who may want to know that I won't be online for a month or maybe more since I'm on a vacation and I don't have PC with me.
but no worries... I'll be back 
Till then... stay cool just like you always are...
Until next time we meet I bid you farewell...
Yours... DARKO
Music: Late Goodbye - Poets Of The Fall
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You Know You're Croatian When!
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May 14, 2008, 08:45:am
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You Know You're Croatian When
You may find yourself to be Croatian if...
• You're 100% positive that your country is most beautiful in the world, despite the fact you've never crossed the border.
• You're trying to convince people of purity of Croatian language using words in English.
• You're always complaining about facts in your life, but you never had guts to do something about it, with overall excuse: "neću prljati ruke, ja sam fin, bečka škola." (I’m nice, not gonna bather with it, …)
• Smoking any grass at all comes as a natural hobby and is practiced anywhere, anytime, with anyone (even authorities)
• Riots start, led by the police
• All meals your parents have ever prepared contain one key ingredient "Vegeta" (a spice) -> it is Croatian
• You learned to walk and talk the first time you got drunk
• You are never ever allowed to sit by an open window for fear of catching pneumonia (pronounced ammonia) from the "propuh" (draft) even in the middle of summer
• You're not allowed to leave the house with damp hair.
• There is a bar in your church hall that contains a 2-year supply of Brandy
• You insist that you can spot a Serb from a mile away
• The use of vulgar language at home is unacceptable, unless it is Croatian -> If Croatian are vulgar than Sorbian or Bosnian are POPESCU of vulgarity
• English words are acceptable if used with the ending "A-T-I" which makes them Croatian..."play-ati", "study-ati"
• Your Dida (granddad) mows the lawn in knee high black socks and sandals
• Your Dida has a shot of "Rakija" (brandy) for breakfast
• At least one family member makes his own wine
• At least one family member makes his own 150 proof moonshine. (Rakija/Šljivovica/Brandy)
• "Šljivovica" (Type of Brandy made from plums) is used not only to celebrate at all occasions, but to cure illness and as a massage lotion as well
• At the age of 13, you are only allowed to go out of town with your friends for Croatian soccer tournaments, folklore festivals and dances
• Your parents were at the function where you got drunk
• The majority of your friends are also your relatives, even if they aren't your relatives; you refer to their parents as "Teta" (Aunty) and "Striko" (Aunt)
• You are the only kid in your class who doesn't get to sleep in on Saturdays because of "Hrvatska Skola" (Croatian School)
• "Kuhace" (Cooking Spoons) are not only used for stirring when cooking...they are also used by Mama (Mom) to beat you when there is no "šiba" (Type of whip) handy
• At least once before you've told your parents that you'll call the police to report "child abuse" and your parents said "Samo probaj" (just try).
• Mama beat you in public on at least one occasion
• When leaving the house to go out, you always receive the same warnings (regardless of age): -"Pazi šta radiš" (watch what you’re doing), "Pamet u glavu" (be smart), "Nemoj me sramotit" (don’t embarrass me), "Nemoj da ja šta čujem" (don’t let me hear something)
• Sadly, if something actually does happen, somehow Mama (Mom) will know before you make it home
• Mama (Mom) gets pissed off at you for bringing home McDonalds saying, "šta će ti to smeće?" (what do you need that junk for?)
• Your parents insist that you'll end up a nobody if you don't graduate from "fakultet" (college)
• Lunch on Sundays has more courses than Amerikanci (Americans) have for Christmas or Thanksgiving dinner
• You know that in addition to fruit flavored Jell-O, that gelatin can also be prepared with pigs’ feet
• You love "pašteta" (paste meal of some sort), but don't like bringing it to school or work for lunch because you'd be embarrassed if someone asked you what it was.
• There is a slab of fat in your fridge called SLANINA
• Your mother washes the dishes before putting them in the dishwasher
• Vegetarianism is not a concept your parents understand
• All other action stops when you hear people speaking Serbian in a store somewhere and your mom starts to talk to you in English so that the Serbian people won't find out you speak "their" language and start trying to be your friend.
• You have at least one short-wave radio in your house
• You smell garlic on the old man's breath behind you sitting on the klupa in church on Sunday mornings
• You live with your parents until you are married
• Mama thinks that whenever you get sick it's because you didn't eat enough
• When upset, it isn't unusual for Tata (Dad) to send you "u pizdu materinu" (your Mom’s pussy)
• Baba (Granny) and Dida (Granddad) wear at least 3 layers of clothing in all seasons
• Dida (Granddad) and/or Baka (Grandma) spits into a napkin at the dinner table
• Your parents turn the channel when there is a kissing scene
• Dida (Granddad) & Baka (Grandma) insist you are quiet while he watches the news even though he doesn't understand a single word they're saying. *Regardless of the fact he doesn't understand what they're saying; he knows more about what's going on in the world than you do
• You never got the "Birds and the Bees" talk from Mama and Tata as you were growing up
• Whenever your parents said "vidit ćemo" (we shell see) you knew that it meant "NO!"
• Everything that goes wrong in the world can somehow be traced back to Serbs
• Your cousin in Croatia who calls you to send him money had a cell phone before you and wears only name brand clothing
• Your relatives in Croatia think it's strange if you are not married by the age of 18
• You are only allowed to vacation in the homeland
• You are only allowed to speak Croatian at home
• You have 17 consonants in your name and only 2 vowels
• Your 13 yr old sister can out drink any Amerikanac (American)
• You cringe when you hear the word BATINE (Beatings) and hide
• Your parents still prefer buying cassettes to CD’s
• When you start a fight with a stranger, there’s a near 100 % chance that the next day that stranger will have multiplied by 15… you find yourself stuck.
• No one can pronounce your last name and every kid on the block has a nickname for it
• A CROATIAN wedding consists of a minimum of 1000 people, 2/3 of which you don’t even know
• Cake-eaters will not enter your home because of the sour heads fermenting in the basement
• Cake-eaters want to go to your house and drink your Dad's wine.
• Your Uncles argue about which words are Serbian and which are Croatian (even English words).
• Your Uncles argue about where the sun set in their home village.
• Your parents wouldn't buy a VCR because they thought it would ruin the TV.
• Your parents wouldn't buy a microwave because it used radiation.
• Upon reading this list you are offended, then assuming a Serb wrote it.
• When a tourist approaches you and asks if something is OK, or am i allowed, your first response will be: "NEMA PROBLEMA!" (No problem) MOZES! (It’s OK)
• ......You're still laughing your ass off cause u know every single one of these are true!
Fun Facts
• Croatia is mostly known as responsible for inventing the torture device known as the tie ("kravata" in Croatian and similar languages) and as the birthplace of Nikola Tesla.(In the time of Birth of Nikola Tesla, Smiljan near Gospić, was and still is a proud part of Croatia. Region known as Lika)" S_M
• Croatia is not responsible for the extinction of Dodo birds, although they have it on a menu in every restaurant!
• Croatia is the only country in the world in which you can get drunk with a police officer
• Ante Gotovina seems to be responsible for the extinction of Dodo birds according to Carla Del Ponte
• You know that you're Croatian when you come to school and all of your teachers smell like booze!
Mood: All True... BUAHAHAHAHAHAHA
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Poet Of The Night
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March 23, 2008, 06:20:pm
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POET OF THE NIGHT
I am one of those in love,
Just one of those poets who wonder on their path
As the Moon watches over their steps
I am not one of those lost souls who try to find a sense in this
Looking for the explanation of their existence.
I am now,
I am here and I don’t seek a place for me.
I am the one who wonders these lonely streets of this town
Intoxicated by the melody that has been played on the strings of time.
I am just one more child of my Father Moon and my Mother Night,
Just one more passenger that’s not trying to find his way home.
I am whisper on your lips,
A shadow in your beautiful eyes,
I am just one more Poet Of The Night,
I am me…
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