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emo_in_red's Journal
Stuff
where i go what i did who i like who i hate whatever comes into my head will b here...b on the look out coz u never no if ur suddenly gnna appear on any of my entries...
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In memory of the best mate you will ever find, Jack <3 xxxxx <3
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September 11, 2008, 02:11:pm
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I don't know what I'm doing with myself at the moment, everything just seems a blur. Jack, you meant everything to me and you were the best mate I could ever ask for. You were always there for me in the times I needed you most, and the times I was just bored. Every time we met up, I was constantly smiling cos you were so bloody funny and immature, you never made sense. Honestly! And although we had our fights, however huge they were, you were always gonna be my best mate and the one person I could console in about everything and everyone. Despite breaking your nose and you sitting on my game consoles when you were wasted, you were still the craziest lil nutcase I ever met and I loved you for it. All the time you were lonely and you needed a friend, I tried to be there for you, I really did. I guess this time I was just too late. You were the stepping stones that lead the way to me being so much happier and you were the one that opened my eyes and kept me here in the times I thought there was no point. To realise that you stopped me from doing silly things and hurting myself and others and then to find out you’re gone and I did nothing will always haunt me and I swear I will never forgive myself. This is the one thing that will tear me apart, but I know you would hate that, so I’ll be strong for you and try to do my best for everyone that you ever knew and loved. I’ve cried so much in the past two days that I don’t think I have anything left to cry, but know that you will always be in my heart mind and soul and nothing anyone can do will ever stop me from keeping you safe and warm where you are. I’ll be thinking of you for the rest of my life and will always wonder how you are and if you’re ok. I don’t ever want you to feel lonely or lost again because I am always going to be here for you. It doesn’t matter that we’re in different places now; all that matters is you and me staying best mates forever. I know what you’re like, you won’t stop looking down on me and checking to see if I’m ok and have grown at all, which I won’t, but hey, it’s worth trying, and trust me when I say, I won’t stop looking up to the sky and wishing you were back here. From now on, I promise you I will try not to be upset and will carry on living a great life like you would want me to and every time I watch Desperate Housewives, I’ll think of you and you’re crazy obsession with the program. Even though I can’t be there with you, whenever you need someone to talk to or hold, just think of me there. I’ll be with you forever and you will never lose me. That’s a promise. Losing you is losing a piece of me that has stuck with me no matter what for four years. Not seeing you around or jumping out of corners to scare the living daylight out of me will be the weirdest thing and I will never truly get over this. At least now, you can be with your parents and your brother, back as a family and I’m so sure that you’ll feel happy and will be smiling down on me and my mates. I never wanted to lose you, you have been the best thing to happen to me and I will always thank you for that. I will never ever let you go and you’ll always be the one person that sticks by my side and in my mind. Jack, you’re the most amazing, insane, cutest, cuddliest, most awesome friend a person could ever want. You were and always will be that one guy in my life that I will never let go of. And don’t forget ‘we are the saints of los England’. You were my light, life and soul and I will never ever forget you. I will love you as my best mate, my soul mate, and my ever lasting shadow for eternity –x-x-x-x-x- Jack –x-x-x-x-x-
Mood: Upset, Hurt, Confused, Lost and Alone
Music: Mountains- Biffy Clyro
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Mates for life? Yeah right baby.....
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July 22, 2008, 04:21:pm
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Why is it that the people you're close to are the ones that let you down?
Why do they say things that you know aren't true but they say it anyway?
Why do people lie to the ones they love most yet when asked, they still lie?
Why are people friends with each other if they can't speak the truth and be honest?
Why is it always the other person's fault no matter what has happened despite it being their fault in the first place?
Why is it a rivalry to see who can hurt the other person more by crushing them completely?
Why do the people you would die for treat you so badly that you feel as if your heart has been ripped out and shredded?
Why are the ones you love never close enough, yet seem close enough when they want to yell at someone?
Why are people who are meant to be friends for life the ones that let you down time after time no matter what?
Why are the ones you love so much the ones you can never fully trust yet you want to tell them you trust them with your life?
Why is the world full of amazing people, yet when you meet these people, they always seem a complete downfall?
Why does this all happen to me?
Mood: I wana hit things but i cant.I wana cry but i cant
Music: Anything really
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Watch You Leave Without A Care
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May 21, 2008, 02:29:pm
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Watch you leave without a care
How hard it was to say goodbye
Sit in my room and look and stare
At everything you left in despair
Go into you room and remove all the daggers
That are forcing me down to the depths of heaven
Why am I still holding onto the dead love I possess
Down in my hand the blood seeps through
Getting less and less
How to walk away without looking back
Without a care in the world
Staring at life through the golden gates
They've barred me from you
With the angelic whisper of your voice to my soul
Holding onto you every word
Never wanting to let go
As we travel further and further apart
I can feel the weight of the air pushing out on me
Till I bleed,
Bleed the dead love that's possessed me
The blood gets
Less and less
Seeping out through my veins
Down to the floor
Onto the golden gates
Slowly turning them red
Till it makes what you wanted
From the very first start
The entry to heaven now changed
In a split second
To the heaven that's been hiding away
The one and the only
Hell
Mood: meh
Music: meh
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Sinking To The Top
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May 21, 2008, 02:25:pm
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Everywhere I look there's failure all around,
They've got hold of my life and forced me to the ground.
Every time you look at me do you see what I see,
With them I can't be what I want to be.
Failure's now dead before it is found,
How many times do they need to be drowned?
I don't need them and now you need me,
Just walk away and rob me of my dreams
That are slowly
Sinking to the top
Blinding the bleak life I've left behind.
Don't know what else to do,
Coz every time I look down there's failure all around,
I'll carry on towards you but don't think
I'm not
Sinking to the top
Years from now and I'm still holding on
To al the broken dreams that they crushed and killed.
How many times will I soar up high
Before I give up on my last try?
There's too many things that you won't understand
So I carry on taking them deeper inside
Till my life ends its fears,
Now you carry on with your life
And watch me as I am
Sinking to the top
Blinding the life I've left behind
Don't know what else to do
Coz every time I look down there's failure all around
I'll carry on towards you but don't think
I'm not
Sinking to the top
The weight of it all sinks me no more
Than it's already done the way it tore
My dreams apart and now all I see is failure
Its blinded that life I've left behind.
And though it hurts to look ahead,
Failure is behind me.
But now I'm finally
Sinking to the top
Blinding this fucking life that they've helped me leave behind.
Now I've finished what they started I don't know what else to do,
As every time I look there's still failure all around,
I'll carry on without you but don't think I'm not
Slowly sinking to the top
Mood: meh
Music: meh
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Falling with Tears, Fears and Sorrows
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May 21, 2008, 02:17:pm
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Waiting for that one last soul,
This endless life will carry on no more,
The phantom at the end of the road
Here to drain the pain and sorrow
That led the world to hide in the shadows.
Catching every tear that sets a flame
One the candle. Stamping out the morphine,
Collapsing on his touch of velvet,
Making controversy turn to ice as the cold flame burns.
But though he's not gone, his journey's
Only just begun as he'll conquer the fears
That she holds in her tears,
Her reason for living that lives no more,
As he inhales the life that they've always dreamt.
The dreams forgive his life that was lead before,
He'll find the hidden soul he's been looking for,
In the shadows she reaches out and takes hold of that soul
That releases her and their fears no more,
As we see ourselves no longer
Falling with tears, fears and sorrows.
Mood: meh
Music: meh
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