So lately i been on here a lot more than i probably should be. And im not really sure why. Its not like anything will ever be the same. The cults wont ever be nearly as active as they once were. The people you meet on here. Arent the same as they were no matter how close you were to em. Everyone and everything has changed. But i guess in way its not like its a bad thing. Cause if it was no one would like change. I know im not the same person i was 8 years ago when i first came to this site. Or a few years ago right before everyone left. Even tho i wish i could go back and not change anything. But enjoy it. Relive it again and again when ever i wanted to. Cause even tho some of it was bad. there was more good in in than anything else. I met a shit ton of amazing people. And few that i can say i still talk to. Or even keep in contact with. Like Allie Bear Salad Jen Sab and Laurel. And there are some were i know how there doing cause of Facebook. Like Hero Ian Nat Jay Jules Sab and Bryan. But its not the same and it will never be. I just hope they make a time machine just to let us relive certain parts of our past. Cause i know what parts i would want to relive again. Staying up all night on Msn talking to people. Being here and posting in cults all night and day long. Thinking that this will never end. Lil did i know at the time. That it to had an expiration date.
Chatting with you on vf all the time. wanting work and school hours to go by as fast as possible so i could come back home and talk with you for the next several hours. Till it was time to go to bed and repeat. Getting close to you as possible before you started to distant yourself from me. Which you seem to like to do sometimes. I never wanted to hurt you or cause you any pain or mess anything up. I just want to have you in my life as my friend. As my best friend. I know we will never be able to be together like that. And i made peace with that years ago. But that doesnt and will never change the fact that i think about you i tell my husband about you. And that i will always love you and care about you. No matter what happens you will be my friend even if you push me away a thousand times. Ill still be here with welcoming arms. And act like it never happened. Because you really do mean that much to me. I want you to find that person that treats you right. I know you fall for all the wrong people. And i hope i was never one of the wrong. But please promise me this when you meet someone. Try not to fall. Become friends with them, learn about them. You dont need someone thats gonna be a jackass to you. You deserve better than that. Just dont shut me out. Thats all i ask.
We started SA together. Not even knowing anything about you. Becoming real good friends and i cant lie i love the fact that you look out for me. And i know my mom really appreciated it as well. She still asks about you and how you are doing cause she gets on my FB to play her lil games. I couldnt have ran that cult without your help. And im truly grateful for having it, and having our friendship. Even with all these years passing by. It doesnt seem that long ago. When we first met. You helped me out a lot. And i dont know if i would be here today if it werent for you. You helped open my eyes to a lot of things. Even tho you said i helped you i think it was a mutual thing happening there. We helped a lot of people and i that they learned to help others as well. So it will keep going.
We met in LMKA and got you on the staff and what not. If it werent for that place we would have never met nor have become friends. I know you always come for me for advice. But i dont always have the answer. No one does. No matter what anyone says. There is a right and a wrong a black and a white. Everyone makes mistakes. I cant give you want you want everytime. I cant tell you what to major in or what to pick. That has to come from you. Your the only one that can choose something like that. You always ask me if i think you made a mistake. What you need to be doing is looking at yourself in a mirror and ask that question you may not like the answer you get all the time. But it will always be the truth. And thats something you cant run away from. If you want my opinion ill give it. But not always cause there are some things in this world that you have to figure out yourself.
Dont ask who these 3 are cause if it were you. Well you would know. And if i wanted everyone and there mothers to know i would have said there names Mood: Weird Music: 18 Days
March 3 i get married. Buying a home soon. Starting a family. And yet i never thought i would be here back than. When i first joined the site it was with my bestie back than Brittany. And i met Matt. Me and him hit it off. We got on Yahoo chatted there. And after he was hospitalized and a few years down the road. We made it to calling each other. He was the reason i stayed on the site back than. And it got to the point were i didnt think i would live to be 17. Here i am at 20 years old. Gonna be married before 21 and hopefully by than have a kid on the way. I never thought that id be here today. And sometimes i still wonder why i am. But than i look at the man thats stuck by me all this time. Thats made sure i stopped self harming. Which i have been over a year clean. I dont starve myself anymore either and he makes sure of that. Hes got me through a lot of things. But i still have my amazing friends from LMKA. and the people from Score. Which was just. Bryan and Jay but still. Back than was easier than it is now. Now instead of worrying about inviting people and stopping drama and running cults and keeping staff members in check. Lifes all about bills that need to be paid shitty ass landlords that have a stick so far up there ass that they need a reality check. And or some to kick there ass. But no seriously he does. Now being a grown up sucks balls. Even though im still a kid on the inside. I have to act responsible now. well at least 5%. Since i think my family has figured it out that im never gonna grow up. I still play video games play with toys. (Legos) and i still wanna have fun with life. I dont wanna have a career that keeps me away from the things i love. But i do wish that i could still go back in time to when VF was popular. and have thousands of people online at a time. were id stay up all night chatting to amazing people all night. Were people dont die. and my brothers dad isnt in prison. Were i still thought my dad actually loved me. and before i took my brother in and put a roof over his head a bed for him to sleep in and food in his stomach. Till i found out during that time he stole from me and steffon. and took money from our much hated roommate. Which is besides the point. Why steal from the only person that let you live with them when your own father refused to let you come back home. And than not get a job to support yourself and help out.
Though i wanna go back to the good old days. I dont wanna lose Steffon. But maybe than i would still know what i do now. And ask him out before amber did and cause on those problems. Though those problems maybe helped us become closer. since we had 3 years of friendship before dating so maybe that helped us. idk.
