THIS AWESOME DAY OFF HAPPENED ON: july 27, 2010

today was pretty epic. we stopped off at our driver Patrick's sister's house. it was time our shit talking english / swiss bus driver showed us what's REALLY up..... RIGHT?! right. well first order of business was a proper chip shop for a deal real fish and chips meal (LOOK PAT! I MADE A RHYME! YAY!!!!). you know that shit's good when they wrap it in white newspaper. it fucking ruled. trevor got some kind of deep fried sausage. i think cause it most closely resembled a penis. mmmmmmmm penis.......







back at the bus, choo choo was already wasted of course. in fact he was before i even woke up today. it is exactly what sent me OFF the bus and into the house to set up shop and make love to some internet all day. we DID try to go to this amusement park, but that shit was closed. fuckin closed down at like 6 pm, WTF england?! come to think of it bars close pretty early here too... WEIRD! guess im just used to NY.... no worries though, things were heating up back at the house.





eventually it was time for a BBQ with some ketchup and the evil fucking cat. this black evil fucking cat kept walking one everyone's computer and hissing and screaming at everyone. especially eric. this evil fucking cat had the biggest evil fucking hard on for eric. that fucker almost took his eyes out. it was pissed he doesn't have a facebook... GET ON THAT ERIC! he finally gave it all the blood drippings from the raw BBQ meat and convinced it to go lay on the pile of dead bats that it had collected over the past few weeks.... EVIL FUCKING CAT!



















at one point a couple of the kids who were hangin around all day, who were about 8 or 9 or something, ran into the dining room screaming all excitedly that they had walked onto the bus and decided to draw all over a passed out choo choo. now know this, NOT ONE SOUL suggested to them that this would be at all acceptable.... it seems sleeping choo choo just SCREAMS "DRAW COCKS ON MY FACE".... so there ya have it choo, , we've finally cleared it up! its not you leaving your shoes on, its not us having it in for you, ITS YOU INVITING PEOPLE TO DO THIS TO YOU WHEN YOU ARE SLEEPING! might need to work on that.... anyway, i'll let the video speak for itself... PRICELESS!







eventually the sun down brought more and more teenagers and young adults into the backyard and things got louder and louder until the party action was a full on drink party puke party frat party fuck fiasco. these kids were dumping every single kind of liquor they had into one pitcher; fucking Guinness, wine, vodka, whiskey, jager, tequila , ALL IN ONE FUCKING PITCHER, and taking turns chugging it.... apparently getting austin to drink a better part of it. it was then most fun watching austin's downfall. he first turned really loud (with the locals), then really gay (with gary zon), then really pukey and passed out (with the sidewalk outside the bus)..... he also managed to puke in 3 different bunks inside the bus and all over the walls in the bathroom..... and, its good! SCORE!!!!!!

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THIS SHOW HAPPENED ON: july 26, 2010

woke up from stop and go bus in the city motion. everyone was sitting downstairs like fine young gentlemen and ladies. it took about an hour and some serious almost flip over the bus action before we finally parked in front of the venue. there were already people waiting outside. france is no joke when it comes to shows. so stoked on france.





the venue was cool, seemed to have been the perfect size. come to think of it i guess it could have been bigger cause i think it sold out. the la locomotive place shut down though. eitherway that place had shitty backstage rooms. this one wasn't as dirty. and last time i played there i wound up with food poisoning or something and spent the next day in the hospital in brussels.... that sucked. what didn't suck is that they cut z_marr off the poster instead of me this time. apparently there wasn't enough room for his beard on it. HAHA! friggin hippie! :-P





trevor and i decided to walk around and look for food. we settled on this crepe stand cause the dude running it was this silly obnoxious dude. he figured we were american and started saying things like, I LIKE AMERICA, I LIKE PUSSY, AMERICAN PUSSY GIRLS LIKE TO FUCK ME AND LIKE MY CREPES.... we decided that we needed to give this guy our business and sat there and listened to him fuck with people as they walked by, and as we ate our awesome crepes. when we were done he tried to charge us like 25 euros for our shit and i was like YEA RIGHT and then he made believe he was kidding. i know he would have taken it though. real class act. funny fucker.





on the way back i bought my mom an eiffel tower and we went into some sex shops. i get a kick out of fake penises. buy me some and bring them to me on tour. i like to rub tuna fish on them and smack people in the face with them. especially people like dismantled,, who's gear was in shambles today for some reason. they were fixing that shit all day, and through our soundcheck when we practiced NEVER SURRENDER, our first single off our new record, for the first time.











after soundcheck i ate some tabouli and went and hung on the bus with austin and watched him play tiger woods' golf and also geeked out on the long line waiting to get into the show. im a total creep. i saw this one girl who i was sure choo choo would fall in love with. actually, i saw alot of those. they were all about 7 years old. WHERE'S THE JUICE BOXES!







eventually got all made up and played the show. was a rad one.. hot as fuck though. and played NEVER SURRENDER for the first time. it went well. will go better once we are all used to playing it together within a few shows. gotta love the no practicing rule in this band...









after the show i didn't really feel like partying. i said hi to some peeps, but pretty much just hung on the bus and waited to leave. we had to stay up for the ferry anyways, so i just sat up and watched some movies and shit. eventually choo choo passed out so i got him all made up for the border control into the UK. it went well :-D



























got off on the ferry for once, and fucking ate some food and hung out. there were all these wizards walking around with satchels and weird guitars. some of them asked trevor what band we were in and he told them LYNARD SKYNARD and they got all stoked... fucking retards... NICE UNDERWEAR KATHLEEN!

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THIS SHOW HAPPENED ON: july 25, 2010

ate an awesome breakfast at the hotel. dumped salt all over my eggs and ruined em. fuck you shitty salt shaker. i got more so no biggie. that place was fuckin packed though. we were all sandwiched in between a bunch of weirdos we didn't know. i don't like that shit very much. especially when im eating. or pooping for that matter. no siree bob thanks have a nice day. i was so pissed i went back upstairs and trashed the hotel room. then we left so we wouldn't get in trouble. the end.



headed over to the the festival and just set up shop in the dressing room for the day and used the internet like it was my job. a ton of our buddies showed up throughout the day... VNV, AND ONE, sami from FADERHEAD, peter from PROJECT PITCHFORK.... so alot of the day was spent catching up, punching balls, and playing dodge ball with our blue double headed dildo. man that thing is starting to smell... also watched a bit of RABIA SORDA, which seem to be rad as fuck. they are gonna be on the rest of the tour with us. stoked on that.























the show was good, though i know the sound wasn't that great. hardly ever is at festivals. bands don't get soundchecks, and things just sound weird outside... oh well. the crowd seemed to really dig it anyways. i actually hurt my finger really bad during the show and it made it rather hard for me to play. i was in bad pain the whole time, and pretty frustrated by the end of our set. just wanted to get off stage by then, , but really, all in all a fun show to play. thanks for dancing everyone.





















not too long after our show we had a signing session. it was raining and a ton of people were there anyway all waiting and soaking wet like poor little puppy dogs. that was very nice. crumpler was there and was especially soaking wet. i took pictures of her to make her feel uncomfortable. someone brought me a unicorn too, and there were a few notable creatures there. thanks for waiting on line and making the signing worth doing everyone.





























after that we all ran over to watch a bit of VNV. they were ruling it as always. after a few songs and right before taking off i couldn't help but sneak crawl out behind mark and give him an under and between the leg ball punch while he was arms in the air hailing the gods of thunder.... he didn't know it was me until i told him later. poor little poppa bear.







aside from that, just pretty much hung around with some friends and waited for our number one bus driver to show up with our bus, and then hung on there for the rest of the night. julie was there, and once dismantled showed up me her and jon siren took a walk to mcdonalds for some crappy veggie burgers. gross shit, seriously. and can you believe they were OUT OF FRENCH FRIES?! AT MCDONALDS!? good job RONALD! you, my friend, can suck a fuck.

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THIS DAY OFF HAPPENED ON: july 24, 2010

woke up at like 5 in the morning in the cozy cabin, had our last awesomest in the world breakfast of our vaca, and drove to the bus stop back in town. we took that silly fucking bus 2 hours into oslo and to the airport. the bus was VERY uncomfortable eventhough i had my own row. in the airport i bought a 6 pack of snus. YUM YUM YUMMITY YUM YUM! snus is my new jam yo. can't thank andy enough for introducing me to future mouth cancer. :-D















landed in koln, got to the hotel, ran back into maxi, choo choo, and even jan and other fags of that nature. the hotel was really nice, except the bathroom in our room was annoying as fuck. not only did it have one of those new trendy see through doors so trevor could watch my heavenly silhouette take a shit, but the shower head would not stay up high on the track... so we had to jimmy rig it... otherwise HOW ELSE would we manage to get water all over the fucking floor (no shower curtain).... FIGURE IT OUT GERMANY! I KNOW YOU GOT IT IN YA! SERIOUSLY!







got to the fest, got our passes, and wanted to eat. trevor and i waited on this line for these awesome looking kebabs for like an hour. finally got that shit and headed back up to the VIP area to eat it. those were some of the worst kebabs in the fucking world. that kebab stand should be exploded with many missles and shit bombs. fuck you amphi kebab stand. i wish death upon you.















wales graced us with her presence today in a fifth element get-up, and bought a UNICORN FUCKERS shirt from the out of line stand. THANKS WALES! that's right folks, for those who weren't aware, WALES KNOWS HOW TO FUCKING PARTAY! bunch of other interesting characters around that austin seemed to take a considerable liking to for some reason. i think austin secretly wants to be a goth wizard but doesn't know how to come out of the closet about it. so he just high fives 10 star gems all day long and gets off on that.....











a good buddy of mine julie popped up surprisingly, so i spent a better part of the night catching up with her. we watched half of AND ONE and then headed over to... THE BEACH.... apparently there is a fucking beach here on the festival grounds that i never even knew about. it was funny seeing a bunch of fully clothed goth wizards partying down on beach sand. still somehow not getting tan.











i was sorta checked out once it got dark, and almost went back to the hotel with eveyrone but julie reeeeeeeeeaaaallllly wanted to walk into town since she had never been to Koln before. she wanted to see the church. i was convinced it was closed, but decided to walk over the bridge and go with her anyway. it was a beautiful walk, and it just so happened the church was open! we couldn't walk around much of it, but we went inside, and they gave us a candle to light, and we walked to the altar which looks like the lost ark from indiana jones. rumor has it that one of the wise mens' remains are in that fucking thing.... fantastic! i love the smell of windex!













other than that we just walked around town for hours and caught up. we had ice cream, tea and tons o hugs before finally deciding to head back on over the bridge and finally found a cab to take us to our respective hotels. i got to mine and i was all alone, so i put my underwear on my head, shoved a banana in my ass and pinched my nipples in the mirror for a while and then just went to bed. ZZZZZzzzZZZZzzzzzzzzz.

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THIS GLORIOUS VACATION WEEK HAPPENED ON: july 18-24, 2010

woke up and ate some friggin breakfast, and then took the fuck off. choo choo headed off to prague to be with his soon to be life partner. we are nervous for him being without parents, but can't wait to hear the stories... we were driven all the way to fredrikstaad to meet up with andy's family, which took like 3 hours. we stopped along the way for hot dogs. hot dogs resemble penises.



got to the summer house, and settled into our cozy cabin of relaxation. took a walk down to the water and talked about life and shit... SHIT AINT SO ROUGH ANYMORE! CHEER UP GUMBY! :-D trevor took really well to this experience of nature. he took off his clothes and beat his chest like tarzan and shit... trevor of the jungle rules.

























the week consisted of tons of awesome fucking foods, grade a quality meats and veggies, and of course my favorite breakfast food, brown goats cheese and butter on a hearty grain bread. YUM FUCKING YUM! i've bought it a few times in NY but forgot the freshness of having it in norway.









one day we went to the mall. scandinavia takes their fucking hot dogs serious as fuck. they put all sorts of awesomeness on those shits and make em fuckin rad. we ate those fucks like there was no tomorrow. had some awesome ice cream too. the ice cream over here is AWESOME. all the food is... seriously. fuck you and your shitty food america. also, fuck you american malls for not having anatomically correct statues of giraffes like this mall does.... ladies and gentlemen... ITS A GIRL! complete with butthole.... what i wouldn't give for a grown female giraffe butthole cheese steak right about now... YUM! oh and does scandinavia take their candy seriously as well joe? you ask!..... HELL FUCKING YES!











one night we all cuddled up on the couch in the cabin together with a box of tissues and held hands for the epic emotional rollercoaster that is, "THE HUMAN CENTIPEDE"... we laughed, we cried, we talked about z_marr being in the middle... this shits definitely gonna win a grammy or whatever the fuck movies win. i wish this guy was my uncle. i bet he makes a killer tuna melt.







the following day we decided to head on over to the regular house back in town, to use the internet. there's none of that shit over at the summer house. so we junkied out for a full day, and austin and i also took a walk to the top of this hill where one of the oldest churches in europe are, right behind andy's parents house. really pretty, complete with graveyard. austin and i made out there. cause thats what little teenage girls DO in graveyards. :-)





























all and all a great relaxing week off in norway. and now, to the first day of amphi to see some friends play, and to prepare ourselves for a bit more of the shit that is our lame lives slaving to acting like monkees on stage for all you fags. <3 your #1 fag.

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