I know what I truly want, but there isn't anything I can do about that. I know what I need, but there isn't anything I can do about that either. I'm not sure, which is worse. Everyone seems to give the same advice. They get the underlying desire, but miss the details. It is like the details aren't important. The details are what makes it so hard and I'm supposed to just ignore them. It is rather like wanting a strawberry rhubarb pie and being told to forget the strawberries and rhubarb. I'd have pie, but it isn't the pie I want. I have tried this before and well, it is a very boring pie. I want a strawberry rhubarb pie. I need the details.
Why is everyone so boring and predictable? Why does everyone seem to follow the same rules? I can't be the only person who wants something different. I can't be the only one who wants something more. I feel like humanity really is a big flock of white sheep. I suppose I'm supposed to look for a black one, but I'm thinking neon pink with fangs suits me more. The only other kind of sheep I find are rabid. They are just white sheep who have gone crazy. That really isn't fun. I think I'm their favorite kind of grass or something.
Are people really no more than what society makes of them? Does human biology really force them to all act the same? The patterns are so predictable. It is quite sad. What is worse, is people keep making the same mistakes instead of reading a bloody book. I've watched so many people make these stupid mistakes. All they had to do was seek answers to what they are feeling. People are so alike, there is a book that will help you through whatever it is that is bothering you. Instead, they end up destroying their life for no reason. Goddess forbid you end up as collateral damage. They think they are special. They think no one has gone through 'this' before. Predictable in the worst possible way.
I feel isolated. Everything seems so simple to me. I don't understand why people let this stuff happen. Well, I do. Sheep will be sheep. Why do I feel like such an outsider? Is it because I basically raised myself? Is it because I've never really had help with anything? Perhaps it is because I'm so introspective. I do have the rarest personality type. I argue with myself all the time. I'm a sponge for information. I watch and study people. I remain oddly disconnected from things. My objectivity sets me apart from most, but of course no one ever listens to me. The sheep want to follow the other sheep off the cliff like lemmings. Goddess forbid anyone listen to me or read a book. It is all so simple. Why does everyone make it so hard? I feel like I'm in a field full of sheep. I need a catapult to launch a few. That made me smile.
Mood: Feeling a feeling you wish you could share with me Music: Nicest Thing by Kate Nash
I am a hopeless romantic.
Love is all I want.
I'm in love with it.
I want the connection.
I want the depth.
I want the touch.
I want the sensation.
I want to be owned.
I want to be taken.
I want to give everything.
I want to take everything.
I want love.
I idealize it.
I love it.
I know what I need.
I know what I can give.
I know how hard it is.
I know how easy it can be.
I want the thing I hold most dear.
I want the feeling I know deep down inside.
I want, what no one dares give.
I want, what no one can give.
I want the dream.
I want my love.
I want love.
I'm a hopeless romantic.
I'm in love with love.
Mood: Vampiric Music: Marilyn Manson - Four Rusted Horses
