So first I'll have to give you the shortest version of this story possible. My biological mother, Jennifer was married to my biological father, David when they had me. After a year they divorced and my mom found someone else, Brett; my dad. None of them wanted me to grow up in a broken family so David signed his rights over so that Brett could adopt me. Now, let's begin. When I was 13 I got in trouble and was going to call my dad(Brett) to cry about being in trouble. My grandfather was drunk and angry with me being well, I was in trouble. While I was crying and dialing dad's(Brett's) number my grandfather yelled at me "I don't know why you're calling him. He isn't even your real dad!" I couldn't finish dialing and I ran to my grandmother and asked her. She pulled out my baby book and showed me photos of David. I had kind of always had a feeling that I had another dad, not only because I look different than the rest of my family but because one day when I found out that my mom had a different dad than my aunt I made a silly little comment to my mom, "Mom I wish I was like you. I wish I had two dads." Being as observant as I was to people I felt funny about the way my mom reacted. She was just silent and didn't move. This was obviously before I knew. Well after 8 years of looking for him as I am 21 now, we finally found him. So here!! Enjoy some photos! The photo I have looked at for 8 years, ever since I found out about him. A photo of us when we met this past weekend. A photo of us where we look so much alike. A photo of my fiance, myself, my step mom Connie, and David. And a cute little photo strip we got in the photo booth while waiting to see Wrath of the Titans.
When I posted on facebook about finally getting to meet him one of my friends told me about how bitter she had been all her life. She was raised in a similar situation as myself but she had always known about it. I'm not really sure if that would have made me angry...I really doubt it. She told me about how she was so jealous of her siblings for knowing their father and knowing where they get half of themselves from. I can honestly say that I have NEVER felt that way. I know where I come from and I always have. People fail to see that family is so much more than flesh and blood. It's not a right, it's a privilege. David didn't want to give me up, and even if he had wanted to I wouldn't be mad about it. I am so blessed with love that it's unbelievable. Not just from my family but from my friends and pets and even strangers that I can change a shit day into a great day. Anyways, I'll stop rambling on. This was one of the many amazing miracles that have come to me in 2012. It's only April and this is a VERY big year.
**Also let me add that David has always been trying to find me...he just hasn't known until we finally made contact that I no longer go by my legal name ever, except on my license and such. So instead of looking for Panda he's been looking for...well...my legal name. Haha.
So Monday, the 19th; I turned 21 years young. This was my most dreaded birthday yet. Not because I'm aging but because of all of the shit that has been going on... Let me begin.
The 18th marked two months since I lost one of my very best friends due to the hospital fucking up his surgery. The months have been fucking shit. No matter how much I smile and remember the great, amazing times we had it still hurts. Of course. I knew it would and I know it will continue doing so. But that thing people say about how "it gets better with time"...well I'd really like that to start happening now. I'm sick of hurting every day, all day. On that same day, my ex calls me to let me know that he has found someone to move on to from me. We JUST broke up. I gave that son of a bitch every fucking thing he could have ever wanted and then some. So awesome. Move on and don't fucking tell me about it. Then, another one of mine and Christian's(the bestie that passed away) best friends tried killing herself. Fucking.Awesome. So she was in the hospital and I, for the life of me; could NOT stop worrying. So then my birthday happens, mom didn't even give me a phone call, just some bull shit "happy birthday" text. Dad did the same but over facebook...Then I find out that my bestie Tiffany had her dog put down. I love the fuck out of Rosie and I hate that I didn't get to say goodbye. :/
The one good thing about my birthday was that I got to see Tanner. I love the shit out of this boy. He could be anything to me and I would love him the same. He's one of those people that I'd date, but I don't have to date him to be happy with him. Just friends? Fine, I am perfectly happy to just know him. He took me to my favorite place in the whole world...the zoo. We ate burger king for lunch. It was awesome. I smiled as much as I could but of course, it wasn't easy. I'm just glad Tanner understood that I couldn't just forget everything because it was my birthday. It helped. Everyone else expected me to be so fucking cheerful...whatever.
Then last night I have my very first alcoholic beverage. It was pretty tasty. My gran took me to the Winstar World Casino(which I've been going to since I was 18 because you don't have to be 21 to gamble there.) and bought me a midori sour. Omnom.
So there's a little update on what's been going on in the life of Panda.
A-kon is months away, but I always get a head start on my cosplays. At the moment I am really stuck between a few things though.
I've always wanted to cosplay a bubble head nurse/bubble nurse/faceless nurse/silent hill nurse(whatever you want to call her) ever since I started going to cons. So that is my number one choice right now. It's a pretty simple cosplay and I've been practicing the walk a lot lately. ***If you've never played or watched silent hill just youtube "silent hill nurse" and I'm sure it will pop up with videos of them. They walk like freaks. My friend should be cosplaying a female version of pyramid head so that would be a couples cosplay sort of while we're hanging out during the con.
Another cosplay I've been considering is spiky eared pichu. Cute as all hell. I have cosplayed pikachu before but didn't leave that costume on very long. The tutu I had made was waaaayyyy too big so I hated it. I have used the ears and tail many a times though. I have a friend that wants to cosplay raichu and asked if I'd cosplay pikachu with her but idk...I'd rather be pichu. much cuter and simpler cosplay.
I have thought about doing my lolita again...but I don't really know if I want to wear that dress again this year. It needs major touching up done. So we'll see how that goes.
My night time outfit however will be a black and white panda version of this. I've used this head dress for many years now at many different cons. So I'm pretty excited to do something new.
Let me know you're opinions and ideas. Mood: losing sleep over akon and its only december...
Enjoy.
Also my new camera that my grandparents got me.
