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allhopesfall's Journal
What Did You Expect From Me?
Will You Scatter My Ashes Where They Won't Be Found I Kept My Word And You Hate Me For It Now
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Mandi...ness
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November 17, 2008, 04:20:pm
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Umm...
So my ex, you see it's like,...
Well she keeps telling me...
...
It's very difficult to explain i guess.
lol.
Last night she asked me to be with her again.
Why?
Because she "still loves me"
I couldn't reply with the right thing to say though.
It seemed like everything I said was wrong.
It's wrong for me to like someone.
It's wrong for me to want to move on.
...I'm wrong completely.
But honestly, she's with this girl Shannon.
And if I date her, she will be dating Shannon as well.
She made that clear.
So I asked why date both of us.
Her reply "I like to cuddle"
0.0
Shes stupiiiiid!
...
I love her I know.
But I don't believe I want back in that relationship that we had.
She's put me through hell and I'm working my way back from that.
I just don't want to start free falling again...
I don't have a clue how to tell her anything.
She gets pissed over the littlest things.
And really, I want her in my life, just not in a relationship.
I want to have a relationship with another...=[
And I know this alllll sounds like it doesnt make sense.
But really, I cant get things out right at the moment.
I can get out a sentence.
But the following won't match it. lol
I don't knowwwww!!
I need some help.
=[[
Mood: okay. ...tired...at work
Music: Fences- Paramore
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porn?
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November 11, 2008, 01:00:pm
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Well,
I'm work right now...
Ive been here 2 hours.
And it has been pretty boring up until about 20 mins ago.
So...I had this teacher in 10th grade, Ms. Fuller.
She is totallllly gay.
Like, very open to telling people that she is. haha.
And she hits on my mom ALL the time.
=/
She came in the room today, and my moms best friend that works with us told her that we saw her watching porn.
And my mom, my moms best friend, and Ms. Fuller talked about porn for like, 10 MINUTES!!!
RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME!
my mouth is alllllllllllllllllll kinda open.
and Ms. Fuller looks up at me and just laughs her ass off.
o.0
WTF???
ew!
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WHAT THE FUCKING HELL????
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October 26, 2008, 07:28:pm
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Oh get this shit!!!
Fucking Codi is trying to piss me off!
She just text me and said "Hey Kayla! How are you?"
and i was like "fucking great. you?"
and her reply was "pretty damn good. laying in bed with Mandi, my fiance."
What the fucking hell???
I am trying to live a drama free life right now.
And they just pulled a trigger and blew another piece of my heart up.
This is about the 5th time Mandi and Codi have ganged up on me together.
I really don't understand.
I told Mandi I don't need the drama; so fix it or I will.
Grrrr.
I don't need to be played with.
Mandi sure as hell just played with me too.
Yesterday she is asking me to get with her, today she is still engaged?
HAHAHA!
BULL FUCKING BITCH ASS SHIT!
Now Codi asked to be friends?
FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK no!
I'm not going to be friends with someone I will talk shit about.
And I will surely continue to call her a fucking troll as long as she looks like one!!!
UGH! Meghan, you need to talk to me and assure me of what I'm doing here. lol.
=/
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bitch. bitch. bitch!
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October 26, 2008, 06:54:pm
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Dude, this is fucking bullshit!
I haven't talked to Mandi but 3 days and she has already turned into a complete bitch again.
I don't know what the fuck is up.
And it pisses me off to the point I'm about to cry.
Exes cannot be friends in my case.
I told her I give up on trying to talk to her because she isn't wanting to fucking talk to me and she said "best bet".
PISSES ME THE FUCK OFF!!!
I willing brought her back into my life.
I could had left her hanging in the air and not talk to her period.
But I want her to stay in my heart whether I'm with her or not.
Which, I don't believe I ever want to be with her again.
She puts me threw fucking hell!
Maybe Meghan has really changed me...?
I think she has REALLY shown me better.
-hearts float in the air while thinking of her. lol-
Shit you guys, I don't fucking have a clue!
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Mandi...
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October 25, 2008, 08:01:pm
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Well, seems to me that I just screwed up.
Lol.
Me and Mandi are talking right?
She asks if I have dated anyone since we broke up.
And I tell her the closest thing I had to anyone was Meghan.
But Meghan doesn't like me as a girlfriend, only as a friend so that wouldn't work.
NOW, Mandi is asking if me and her could ever work again.
My response was "yeah, it could if I knew I wasn't your rebound of not being able to get anyone else and I think you would faithful to me."
She asked if I think she is faithful...
I told her no.
Simply.
She cheated on me the first time, why wouldn't she do it to me this time?
Want to hear her response??
It was totally a lie I do believe. lol.
She said "Ever heard of lying to ease the pain?"
My bullshit meter just broke. lmfao
But shes bringing it back on me like always.
Shit dude!
I don't want to exactly go back with her, but I don't want to lose her out of my life.
You know?
I'm just to nice to tell her exactly how I feel. =/
And now she is totally make me feel like shit from when we were together!
At least I know how to handle her a little better now.
I'm not going crazy like i use to when I would talk to her. haha
I'm not sure what I'm doing here.
I'm not sure what is going to happen.
This is fucked you guys. lol
Mood: Pretty Well
Music: Electric Shake-- Be Your Own PET
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