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XxSLEAZE_ADDiCTxX's Journal
Oh no I'm DEAD AGAIN
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The girl who looks at me and asks what I want
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November 18, 2008, 03:52:am
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One night in jail and her name is
Suzie.
Lips so wet they stick to gold
Savior so silent it sticks to pain.
Eyes so narrow they are coin slots for her mercy.
One last trip until we all see the road we should have taken.
One last viewing before the time runs out.
One last push of the button to make her tell the truth.
I can tell by the bruises on her lips I should go no further.
But she needs the rent
and I need the relief.
Tomorrow she'll need it for rent again
because the Jack of all blades got the best of her.
Two towns away I know someone is praying.
For me.
I need no prayers, child, my time has come.
So limp is her body after I'm done.
Dissapeared is my erection after I realized I'll probably have warts tomorrow.
Thinner is my wallet which pays for her fix.
Just because I can't say no to a girl who lost her eyes in the fight.
I don't know where she left them
but she is not concerned with herself.
No.
Until the room rental runs out
She asks me what I want.
So I offered her a ride back home.
She doesn't know what that is, so I pay for two more days.
Let her sleep in the room and maybe leave a map.
So she can find her eyes.
Mood: pondering
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I'm the one
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November 11, 2008, 02:17:am
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I'll prove I'm the one.
I'll be the one who shouts your name
when you actually want it.
I'll fight until my next meal
and until my next sign.
I'll do whatever it takes to prove
I am a woman.
I don't have the looks.
I don't have the brains.
I don't even have a voice.
But I'll prove I'm the one.
You can stop playing the game.
You can stop giving the clues.
You can stop lying
because I've played the game before.
I know all the rules and tricks.
Finally you've given an honest hand
and told me you've given up.
I made you crack.
I gave up too.
I refuse to believe in something I studied the faults of all too well.
I cannot sink myself into the holes where the truth could've been.
I'm the one you have to fear.
I'm the one who knows you lie
like a dog on a summer day
panting and heavy breathing.
Is it anger or lust?
I'll prove I'm the one
who can bring both of them out.
Just let me have my time.
Let me have my day.
Let me get inside myself and pick out the faults
because I sure as hell know you won't.
Let me have this year to exact my revenge
and plan my death.
I'm the one who will be the demise of myself.
For I cannot accept lies that friends will feed.
I'm better off with enemies.
With enemies I can learn
and beat myself down
until I am up to par for someone.
Friends will give you what you want to hear.
That's what friends are for.
I'll prove I'm the one
who will make enemies my vice.
Mood: pissed off and crying, shaking, depressed, angry
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wtf did I just waste my time writing?
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November 09, 2008, 06:22:pm
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I question only for your life
This question is only for your dreams
I seek surrender wide and clear
Beyond this misery
This fantasy
Reality
Sold for less than what I used to be
Misfortunes lie
Too deep inside
For me to confiscate the dream
I used to find the answers to
The questions that I never asked
Inside the walls beneath the floor
Lies clear reflections past
This story banned
Throughout the land
Fear of decaying children's eyes
Oh child grand
Just take my hand
And find out how naive you were.
This time I marched beyond the beat
Of the drum they played at City Hall
And look exactly where I am
No progression made at all.
I will accept
With no regret
The constitution written and wept
This fantasy
Reality
Sold for less than what I used to be
I took the walk down to the park
To see the body there today
It had no nametag or a face
But had too much to say.
He told me I should live my life
And take his heart out with my knife
So I have two hearts but I live in strife
Just so I could be his wife.
So what I say today in time
Listen beyond the sacred halt
There is no end, passion remains
And under man you shall exalt
I will remain
Under restrain
And being vain
Will just cause war
I will accept
With no regret
This deep advice I scratch and wept.
Mood: O_o i never write rhyming poems.
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Battle Scars
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November 03, 2008, 11:53:pm
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nobody reads my journal but hey i'll put this here anyway
Would you like to see my battle scars?
I can sit you down and tell you the story behind each.
Your eyes will gaze
and you will ask what war is.
Well, son.
I'm a soldier still.
I will never be a veteran.
In my war, the weak are the veterans.
The smell of flesh beneath my fingernails.
They were from my face.
From my arms.
From my legs.
My eye socket below like a shined loafer
and my chest still bloody from last sunday,
because I couldn't find my shirt.
These rivulets and mountains.
These canyons and waterfalls.
And still you ask me what war is.
I can tell you that war is like breathing.
Well, for me at least.
I can call out for help.
I can cry but it will only sting the battle scars from last week.
Hiding the scars kills more of your troops.
They march within the cerebellum.
Run.
Hustle.
Dodge.
He wants freedom.
Across his shoulder hangs reality.
Suck from the truth and it will never be enough.
Never
quite
right.
It's almost time for bed.
I'm sorry to keep you up, Johnny.
I can pray you never have to fight in war,
for the decision to enter means you're looking for a way out of your own death.
One more question, you ask.
Why do you like your Battle Scars?
Well, Johnny.
I'm glad you have not seen me without my Battle Scars. It is my vulnerability.
Though it is obvious, battle scars are the best form of artificial beauty for the ones who never had it to begin with and can never depend on getting it.
My Battle Scars are the best dams.
Good night, Johnny.
Mood: hopeless
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?
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October 31, 2008, 01:58:am
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I've been on both sides of the track.
I've seen the glare of symmetry.
I've seen the shadow of bleak.
The shadow of bleak has proven glorious.
has proven true
right
the only way I can live.
There's nothing to realize.
I'll take what I can get.
The blind and the stupid will think I am pretty.
The smart and witty will know I am but an ogre.
Naive I will not be to think I can win.
Smarter I aspire to know I'll always lose.
Mood: pissed off, crying
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