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XXNeverRoxMySoxXX's Journal
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i have no father
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May 11, 2008, 05:01:pm
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Hey guess What! my father has offically disowned me! isn't that great? ha yea fucking right..... i fuckin hate that man with every drop of blood that flws trought his fucked up body..... and just because isaid i love him that was waaaaaaaaaaayyy b4 this, you see when my father gets mad at someone he takes it out on me, saying that im worthless no one ever wanted me and that im probly a big slut WHICH is so fuckin NOT true!!!!!!!!! ok now im soo pissed i need to take a walk
bye from
the disowned fucking happy child
Mood: pissed/happy
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A Fucked Up Family Reunion
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March 20, 2008, 11:25:pm
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....... so i went to go se my dad right....... and gues what.... nothings changed. Hes Doing It Again, and when i mean IT i mean drinking, but now i can't just think "oh no! he's getting help he'll stop" because i know now..... he wont stop. You see my father hates me because his mother, my grandmother thinks of me as her child- as her own. Well my father never really lived with my grandmother he always lived with his aunt or uncles, so he's jeliouse of me. So when he get drunk their no telling whats coming out of his mouth and which way his balled up fist will swing. I think that why my sister ala has turned out the way she is, you see my sister ala is bi, i found this out a year ago when she came back from summer vacation. You see me and ala's summer vacation was the total opposite while ala had a good time i new york i was stuck in georgia with "Him" as i like to call the second person in my fathers mind the drunk.. it was no telling what bruse i would have next on my body nore what he would do to my mom when i was asleep.. that's what i scared of.... he might try to kill my mother again..... i keep having the same nightmare..... and it won't stop.... and he wont stop eaither..... will he????????????????
Mood: sad lost hurt confused betrayed helpless
Music: none
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drinking AA
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March 02, 2008, 06:25:pm
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Guess what!!!! my dad is go to AA, im kind of proud but, it kind of like can't forgive him for what he has done to our family since i was a child....it's like when im around my family i allways put this fake smile and never show them that i'm hurting, when i cry i cry one tear and thats it , im over it. Like last summer my father push my sis down the stairs, they were in an arguement because she didn't clean the bathroom, and of course he was drunk... well she was ok but she "really" i mean "really" tried to kill him. i stayed in my room, because when he get mad he'll take it out on me and tell me no one wanted me when i was little... what hurt the most... was the fact that he never rembers what he said when he sober, and now he always calling and saying "i love you and i really miss you" oh just to let you know i haven't seen him since christmas and i was only with him for about 3 hours. but now my mom is allowing him to get us on weekend.... im kind of scared.... you know like i feel like i don't even know him, like i've disowned him as a father, but..... i still love him...... i miss the father who tought me to ride a bike, who i used to have move night with, the one who recomended all of the boks i love, i miss joking with him, i miss learning to cook from him, i miss listening to his favorite music when we cleaned, his goffyness........ where is that guy huh?...... i miss him.....
Mood: sad, blue and not in the mood
Music: none
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my life uggggghhh
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February 23, 2008, 10:35:pm
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todays.......the day........i............. watch the paint dry..... Ok seriously my life is totally FUCKED! i have nothing to do and my sister broke her laptop so she's shareing my laptop. Isn't that Fucked!!!! ugggghhhh grams is talking about how were up too late and she can't get sleep. I seriously want to say "IF YOU WEREN'T SO FUCKING NOSEY YOU COULD SLEEP" but she serosly scares the crap out of me lol. my moms coming back tomrow so i can go back with her. THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!! this place is driving me crazy!!!!!! i need my own space, there are 6 of us in this house!!!!!!! MY litte cousin is soooooooo anoying i just want to kick her into a wall!!! everytime i pass her she hits me.... and please belive she hit like a MAN! to be six. uggggggghhhhhhh my sister want the computer now so.... Bite me much!
*~CHOW~*
Mood: anoyed
Music: cousin and sister playing "dollies" ewwww
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Parents
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February 21, 2008, 09:56:am
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Finally!!!!!!!!!!!! There geting a divorce!!!! Don't get me wrong i love my mom and want her to be happy.... but my dad on the other hand he'll be happy with a beer bottle in his hand and his friends. I never really thought they were married because they loved eachother, i think it was just because of me.. Long story short Mom got knocked up, dad wanted rid of it, mom said no so got hitched. Wonderful story right. I feel loved..... not
Mood: pissed off
Music: the sound of my dog barking to go out
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