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WickidQueen420's Journal
BrAiN - SpiLLaGe
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"The Dead One"
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May 29, 2008, 04:17:pm
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"You tried to stop me, remember?
You tried to deface your own creation
But I stopped you
Did it hurt, did you feel pain?"
Guess it all began when the bullet finally struck
And I walked away harmless, it must of been good luck
Or maybe I'm dead, I'm sorry but you're dead
Maybe I outta go anyway
Strange things have happened since this day accord
A can hear a cold whisper in my every word
It's telling me I'm dead, I'm sorry but you're dead (no)
Maybe I outta go anyway
I'm feeling so stiff as I walk out the house
My tongue's so dry, think it's rotting in my mouth
Oh, tell me am I dead? I'm sorry but you're dead ("it hurts")
Life goes on for some
My boys all stare at me I wonder what they think
They don't blink and my teeth keep popping out I stink
Oh, tell me am I dead? I'm sorry but you're dead
I don't wanna die, maybe I outta go if I'm dead
My soul is so heavy that it draws me to the floor
I can hear these demons knocking at my door
They're laughing at the dead, I'm sorry but you're dead (no)
I don't wanna die, if you're dead, you're dead
I don't wanna die...you're dead, not yet now...
I don't wanna die...maybe I outta go
You're dead...I'm not goin' now...
I don't wanna die, maybe I outta go
Not yet now...
I don't wanna die...
I'm dead...
I don't wanna die...
you're dead
not yet
you're dead...
not yet
i speak
YOU'RE DEAD, BITCH HAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!
Mood: Alright
Music: "Sedatives" -Insane_Clown_Posse
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"No Handlebars: Lyrics
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May 27, 2008, 06:51:pm
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I can ride my bike with no handlebars
No handlebars
No handlebars
I can ride my bike with no handlebars
No handlebars
No handlebars
Look at me, look at me
hands in the air like it's good to be
ALIVE
and I'm a famous rapper
even when the paths're all crookedy
I can show you how to do-si-do
I can show you how to scratch a record
I can take apart the remote control
And I can almost put it back together
I can tie a knot in a cherry stem
I can tell you about Leif Ericson
I know all the words to "De Colores"
And "I'm Proud to be an American"
Me and my friend saw a platypus
Me and my friend made a comic book
And guess how long it took
I can do anything that I want cuz, look:
I can keep rhythm with no metronome
No metronome
No metronome
I can see your face on the telephone
On the telephone
On the telephone
Look at me
Look at me
Just called to say that it's good to be
ALIVE
In such a small world
All curled up with a book to read
I can make money open up a thrift store
I can make a living off a magazine
I can design an engine sixty four
Miles to a gallon of gasoline
I can make new antibiotics
I can make computers survive aquatic conditions
I know how to run a business
And I can make you wanna buy a product
Movers shakers and producers
Me and my friends understand the future
I see the strings that control the systems
I can do anything with no assistance
I can lead a nation with a microphone
With a microphone
With a microphone
I can split the atoms of a molecule
Of a molecule
Of a molecule
Look at me
Look at me
Driving and I won't stop
And it feels so good to be
Alive and on top
My reach is global
My tower secure
My cause is noble
My power is pure
I can hand out a million vaccinations
Or let'em all die in exasperation
Have'em all grilled leavin lacerations
Have'em all killed by assassination
I can make anybody go to prison
Just because I don't like'em and
I can do anything with no permission
I have it all under my command
I can guide a missile by satellite
By satellite
By satellite
and I can hit a target through a telescope
Through a telescope
Through a telescope
and I can end the planet in a holocaust
In a holocaust
In a holocaust
In a holocaust
In a holocaust
In a holocaust
In a holocaust
I can ride my bike with no handlebars
No handle bars
No handlebars
I can ride my bike with no handlebars
No handlebars
No handlebars
[ Handlebars Lyrics on http://www.lyricsmania.com/ ]
Mood: Stoned
Music: Noisy Peeps Nigguh
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Listen Lyrics
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May 22, 2008, 06:40:pm
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TWIZTID LYRICS
"Listen"
"and I'm sorry I had a fucking mental breakdown, how many times did you...could you be normal if someone disrespected your dead father every chance they got?"
All This (all this)...
I cant remeber your face
All this...
No one can take your place
All this (all this)...
I cant remeber your face
All this pain and animosity
It's not everyday I get to sit around and chat, Sit down and think maybe even talk about, that shit just drives me crazy, Fuckin' me up. I'm outta luck like a slut with nobody to fuck, Somebody talk to me, hear me out, lend me an ear, Before I lose it on society and do it so Violently Fearer of fear, hands sweaty, losin' my breath, I'm sittin' with death, somebody sittin' on my chest, Best remedy's revenge on people who wouldn't listen, Cheeks glisten cuz I'm cryin', my vision is so violent, Didn't worry cuz I'm losin' it. Abusin' anybody that's confusin this with lyin or me tryin to get attention, Sention on my mind, all I think about is dyin, In spite of me livin' in Hell, breakin' me down, Outta touch with reality, fuck it I'm out, Everybody in this motha fuckas hearin me now,
I don't wanna lose you, but I lost you! I Cant Remeber your face Never gonna let go, never gonna back down No One Can take your place Why did you leave? where did you go? I dont know, why did you just go away And Leave me here with All this pain and animosity?
I'm so lost without my loved ones can't seen to let go. Why do I keep breathin? Does God want me to die slow? On the edge I stand lookin at the past on wondering how long I'm aloud to carry on so many left that was just to close. At times I feel all alone and I just cant cope. Why did they have to go? Why did they have to leave? If its not family then its the homies from the streets. My minds set not to take that shit, but I gotta stay strong for the sake of my kids. (Hi daddy) How close does the soul gotta get to make you want to slit your wrist after they heart quits? Its so hard to you lose in life but even harder to recover, specially when memories start to smother, you cant run so just take that pain, cause I'ma always gonna hold on to your name rememberin....
I don't wanna lose you, but I lost you! I Cant Remeber your face Never gonna let go, never gonna back down No One Can take your place Why did you leave, Where did you go? I dont know, why did you just go away And Leave me here with All this pain and animosity?
It's everyday that the anger seem's to be killing me off, It's kinda nice to have a chance to talk,Or rather have you, listen to me, You always listen to me no matter what state of mind my apitimy visited, you were there for me Even when i said i was outta my mind, You were the one that said give it some time, And i would find i could put the peices back together again, you were the one that trusted me til the end, I cant pretend that i never had faith in you, I was only afraid, I knew what was going on, but didnt know what to say I was so young, feeling like my soul was torn,coming to grips with the fact you ain't comin home no more, All this madness, and all this pain, Made something break inside brain, and all this hate, and all this time, Made me reline my mind and I find that...
I don't wanna lose you, but I lost you! I Cant Remeber your face Never gonna let go, never gonna back down No One Can take your place Why did you leave? where did you go? I dont know, why did you just go away And Leave me here with All this pain and animosity? I don't wanna lose you, but I lost you! I Cant Remeber your face Never gonna let go, never gonna back down No One Can take your place Why did you leave? where did you go? I dont know, why did you just go away And Leave me here with All this pain and animosity?
Mood: Depressed
Music: "Listen" by Twiztid
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i like it waaaay too much
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May 18, 2008, 03:50:am
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i am beginning to realize, after 10 days of drinking in a row, that i LOVE being drunk. its an honest truth now. i am not sure whether or not i should take this lightly though. i mean, it takes off the edge, but in the same, i am a hypocrite. how could i do this to myself? how could i let it get this far? i just dont know what to do anymore, and that makes me wanna drink...
Mood: tipsy
Music: "My Shine"
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FUCK TODAY
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May 16, 2008, 10:40:pm
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ugh...
i just hate it when plans get set. then as the day progresses, shit just slowly starts to fall apart. i dont get it. i had my heart set on something ALL DAY... and it never came true. now its not even 8 and i want to go to bed because the thing i was waiting for, is FUCKED!!! so many new plans came into play, and MANY more fell apart. i just dont fucking know. i want all this shit to just be normal for once. no running around all the time doing meaningless nonsense. i just want to get OUT of 4 walls and DO SOMETHING...
guess i will just have to wait till i am "of age"
Mood: pissed the fuck off
Music: nothing....outside noises.
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Lost in My Thoughts Again...
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May 09, 2008, 01:07:am
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My new drug of choice:
Alcohol.
Damn I love getting drunk these days. I have been wasted the past 3 days in a row. I just cant get enough. Why??? Because it makes time STOP instantly. Everything just seems to get better. Unless people act dumb and throw off my groove. But yeah. Getting drunk is THE SHIT!!! I hate getting drunk by myself though. I want people to have a good time with me. i am just, I dont know. it seems like by getting drunk I am able to relate to what he was feeling when he relied on booze to help him through daily activities. NAd I understand. Its fun. Like I said, I cant get enough of it. I need him to come and stop me before I fall into a point of no return...
Mood: WAITING to get drunk...
Music: Family Guy
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People have come and people have gone, but the tension is still there. Everyone wants a piece of whatever it is you have. Even if they have the same or more. I just don't understand what is going on. Lb and Boston left to Jake's today, for good. wussy's homie from jail, Casanova, is here staying for a while. He makes Acid and wants to sell Crystal Meth. I don't understand why Wussy would send someone with these aspects to the house. Whatever he's gotten into in there, I hope he doesn't bring it home too... The homie is cool as fuck, but we don't do that here. KAt and I got into it yesterday morning. She came at me with this bullshit about me not giving a fuck about anyone in the Family except for myself and how I am the middle of all the drama and arguing going on...EVEN THOUGH i don't leave this fucking house pretty much EVER!!! And the only people I see are who comes over here. I cried for like half an hour because I just don't understand how when things go bad, I am the one at fault. I act as Pablo's voice around here and it pisses people off. He will just let anyone and everyone walk all over him until he gets so stressed he doesn't even leave his room, and that's fucking ridiculous. People owe him money and ask him for all of these things, but he can BARELY keep his own head above water; not to mention I am basically tied to his hip because he wont let me go anywhere or do anything that might get me caught up. And he wont let me leave because he says he promised Wussy he'd look after me. I appreciate it more than anything in the world because honestly, I don't know where Id go if I wasn't living here. There really isn't anywhere. i thought about just going home again, but this time I didn't run. She kicked ME out, its not my fault this time. So fuck that shit. I am not going to give into her little game anymore. She has caused enough shit.
I just feel this pain inside of my body, my soul. My Family is falling apart and it hurts to know that when turned to, I still have no answers. I am the women half of the 'almighty' Wussy, and am expected at times, to solve the problems. I can barely handle my own problems. How am I supposed to help all these people??? HOW THE HELL does he smile? Now I know what he goes through. Not completely, but I have the feeling and I hate it. Sorry Baby, your job(s) are too hard. I could never be as strong as he is. I am too broken. And all the things he does for everyone, its impossible... and yet he will do anything in his power to help.
Mood: I Dont Even Know
Music: Twiztid "Empty"
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Right Now
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April 25, 2008, 01:27:am
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Everything is going okay. People are realizing they have to get out to get things in life. I am able to handle news that would have driven me insane. I am learning more and more how to handle my feelings. I miss him more and more everyday, but I know that he will soon be free. Even when he does get home, things will be much different than they were. But my birthday is coming up soon. The big 1-8. I cant wait... I am sooo stoked to finally be rid of my 'Jailbait' name. By then, alot of things will be changing. I am going to get back into school, while working a part time job. We have to somehow pay back debts and afford a living at the same time. If we do it together, things will come and go easily. Now for the Family, I am not so sure. They just cant seem to screw their heads on correctly. They are talking of 'stripping names' of fellow Juggalos. It just makes no sense to me. Since when were Juggalos trying to hurt each other intentionally??? I just get so lost and confused about the whole situation. Then people come to me as if I were him, the one with all the answers...I have no idea what to do. I am NOT him, I have no answers. They talk of the length of their presence in the family, when that is not the issue. The LOVE OF THE FAMILY is what matters. I hardly know what family is anymore. My blood relatives disowned me, my Juggalo family is falling apart right in front of my eyes, and they seem to enjoy it.
"And I dont want the world to see me,
Cause I dont think that they'd understand.
When everything's made to be broken,
I just want you to know who I am."
Mood: Content
Music: "Sea Lion" Aesop Rock
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My Depression
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April 17, 2008, 03:36:pm
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All they can do is tell me that things will EVENTUALLY be okay. I fucking know that. Nothing anyone can say will make this all go away. But they can say things to make it worse. So I'm a crybaby now, great. I can't help that I feel like this constantly. I feel so alone. I miss him with everything I've got, and I can't help it. I just want to cry all the time, but now I know that it isn't safe to expose my feelings to the world. Only to be shut down. Fuck it, I can go back to the way I was. All bottled up and hurting. So for now, I'm just "fine".
Mood: Fuck It All
Music: Dark Lotus "She Was"
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This Fucked Up Thing Called Life
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April 17, 2008, 01:59:am
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Yeah...
right now this shit sucks ass.
He's gone...again...and I cant seem to function half the time because I am freaking out and crying.
This place that I live...it's a nightmare of people trapped within 4 walls and I CANT LEAVE!!! I just sit here everyday watching the time pass me by. Leaving me cold and alone in the dark by the end of the day...wishing things never went this way. I cant help but hate the way things are right now. Family fights with family constantly and shit just gets worse by the day. The house we live in is NOT a house. It's a pit of Hell and darkness. Anger and rage. People half ass things all the time, or just overlook them completely. And all the while I sit here with a smile on my face; pretending that I'm okay. Inside, I want to turn to my last resort. I want to cut the flesh and watch it bleed, but I cant do that. I made a promise, and I couldn't bear to break it.
I don't even know what the future holds for me. I have no diploma, no home, no meds, no anything. I'm just sitting here. Waiting.
Mood: Depressed
Music: Nothing Yet
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