I just feel like crying until i fall asleep. and not to wake up until my test tomorrow. then just die for the weekend. i don;t want to work. but i will be going to see little Nadia! <3 and BleedingBlueStars!Two of my loves. then i just want to avoid school all next week. cept for going to see Maya Angelou!
in 8th grade i joined track and field and became friends with Steven, he was like the big brother(even though he was a year younger than me) he carried me back to the bus and would run to Wendy's with me after practice. we got into trouble at lest once a day if we were good. Then i headed off for high school a year before him, and didn't keep up with track but still hung out after school when i had time. Then later in high school we would go have lunch/dinner with his football friends and i would be the cheer bitch that always joined in. Steven didn't care. This followed through till my senior year, then i started running them places to get food before i had to go to work. both so busy. didn't get much time to hang out. and then june 8th he lost his life. so did our other friend. Steven was going to be a daddy. going into his senior year, but he never got the chance to see his gf get big, or see his son..... Our friend that was with him was the one to make the 911 call before he too passed on. i have to say it Allen you win, i never did get to smack you back with a fish! all the stupid fun we use to have. you guys were too young to go, and i will forever miss you guys. Jake your always in my heart. i would be lost with out thinking about my fellow hippie once a day. you never did get to finish up your dream of owning your own business. i miss you everyday. i remember the day you left us you tried to knock me over in the hall way cuz i didn't say hi until after you did! trust me i saw you and i was trying but its hard to yell over top of those rednecks! my hippie brother we both fell for the same girl, and look at her now neither of us have her! but she is happy and i know she misses you everyday. I will forever love you with all my heart. i can feel you with me, and hear your laugh. something i never want to lose. Mood: blah Music: unsure
So when do you know if its true. Being the tree hugger i am, i feel like love is always there, and it can only grow or dissipate. Define love: below is what i got
" love (lʌv)
— vb 1. ( tr ) to have a great attachment to and affection for 2. ( tr ) to have passionate desire, longing, and feelings for 3. ( tr ) to like or desire (to do something) very much 4. ( tr ) to make love to 5. ( intr ) to be in love
— n 6. a. an intense emotion of affection, warmth, fondness, and regard towards a person or thing b. ( as modifier ): love song ; love story 7. a deep feeling of sexual attraction and desire 8. wholehearted liking for or pleasure in something 13. fall in love to become in love 14. for love without payment 17. in love in a state of strong emotional attachment and usually sexual attraction 18. make love a. to have sexual intercourse (with) b. archaic to engage in courtship (with) "
I guess with going with this I can say when your name comes to my mind i see this.^^^ Now i just wish i could get out of my minds blockade and write my own version of what i see love as. but how ever i see it, even with out being able to tell you word for word. i feel it, stronger everyday i get to see you. Mood: lost in thoughts Music: forever the sickest kids!~
These dreams haunt me every day just like those stories you told me. Why can’t you just up and disappear already. I am so sick of your bullshit. And I have not seen you since a month before graduation. Will anyone ever realize the pain you caused me… will you ever give a fuck and stop spreading those lies… more than likely you will continue as you always have, too stupid to give a fuck about those you know. I can vow this to you; I never had an abortion, because you never got inside. As hard as you tried you never pulled it off. (Or got it in) and I will give you this, your fingers are bigger than your dick. You managed to break what little trust I had for people, 5 almost 6 years later I still cannot trust anyone like I use too. Your ex best friend will forever hate you for breaking me down, like he will always be mad at himself for letting me go… My best friend will always regret not paying attention to those lies I was told. Fuck you really killed my life. 6 years later and I still want to cut of that 2 inch dick of yours and make you eat it. Those memories of how you bragged about getting in my pants and how I had to have an abortion and how you made me bleed. FUCK YOU. You’re the reason my body is forever fucked up and untrusting. How I wished I could have stopped crying to get away from you. How I wish I was stronger than I was, just to get you off. I wish for nothing more than to go back in time and just listen to your ex best friend…. It was Christmas times when this all went down, I remember you got this the citrus scented dog. It burned really nice, and smelled like happiness as it turned to ashes. You ended up making me hate getting gifts, and the holidays more than one girl ever should. I wish you could read what I type but you are too far gone to give a fuck. Off in the hood thinking you are all so cool. You had to do something after you became a gross obese want to be nigger. So I guess that is as cool as you can get. D Now in college, the one place I feel safe because you cannot even spell college. Or school for that fact. Do you have your GED yet, or is that gym class you’re too cool for keeping you from it for the 3th time. I have new friends none of which know you. Most of which have no idea as to what you did to me. After you I only slipped once and got the same abuse from a guy… He dropped college and then his daddy sent him to the army. Now I wait to hear about his bus blowing up. And once I hear you got shoot for being a total ass, maybe my dreams will be better. I sleep the best at night when this guy I like and trust, hold me tight. I am able to fight these nightmares off and hide in his arms. He is too nice of a guy to be anything like you or that other fucking ass. He has made it to school, something you will never understand. I don’t fear he will ever hurt me (on purpose). I don’t see this rage behind his cool blue eyes, I just see safety. A net that can save me from falling to far over the edge, back to where I once was….
(*** to any of my coloured friends i do not mean nigger in the term that is used so much today, so if i offended any of you i am sorry! did not mean it that way!)
Stupid little bitches need to get what they have coming for them. Got balls enough to wake up so fucking early for your team, why not do the same when it comes to your test? Not everyone cheats in college just stupid blond bitches like you. Turning you in will be as funny as it gets for me. HA and E for you. And no passing grade and booted from the team. That is great, all because you are a blonde bimbo. I hope you suffer for that. Hope your parents see you are not the perfect little girl like you always talk about.
