I'm having girl problems and it's giving me anxiety ugh why did I HAVE TO fall in love with a girl i hate??! my mind and heart are KILLING each other. This is so hard for me ugh! yesterda i decided to see if she would text me if i didnt text her first seeing as i'm always the first one texting her and what do you know......she didit and still hasnt today.I knoiw when we eventualy begin talking she is going to give some lame excuse and i will have t play along like i believe. ugh why does everything have to HURT so badly!! my heart is bleeding
no one to tell, no one to see that i fell, i feel so broken but still pride selflishly keeps pain unspoken. ive got something to say but to who does it matter anyway, if only she could hear how hard i cry and see how hard i try. i am so very invisibleits not as great as it would seem more like horrible, seems my only escape is in my dreamsor so it seems? how great it would be to live in a world wonderful with fantasy unfortunately instead i languish in the harsh realm of reality, if only it was possible for me to never bleed .......for not what i want but for what i need, very a cold deception seems to be my only perception of my sad bitter reception plagued by rejection back then in the past right now in the present and forever more in the future in all 3 stages although i know these "crushes" are all weak little phases. my eyes feel sore and dead from all the tears i shed. it seems i will forever lay in this bed buried under my blankets until the day im buried by dirt in peace however underneath it all i dont feel any warmth only cold i wish i so dearly this pain could be sold it feel i will forever remain in this night yet my eyes will always still search and yearn for the light.... Mood: remembering
