I'm far too obsessed over finding someone to be with lately, what with being lonely and all that... even though I don't really even know if I want or am ready for a relationship.
I've been so painfully lonely that I kinda skipped over the fact that more than having been single for over a year, I don't actually have any close friends. Sure I have friends, and some friends I'm super close with that I call best friends, but they live far away, or live busy lives. I have so many friends who have friends and I see that they're inseparable almost, always see them together, have each others backs. I don't think I've... ever had that, ever. The only people who spend long amounts of time with me on common occurrence are people who I've dated, are interested in me, want to do me... whatever. So I go to this longing for a relationship to fix my loneliness because that's all that's ever done so in the past.
Not sure if my quest for a friend will be any easier, but ah well.
Just kinda realized how ridiculous it is that I didn't realize this before.
As I sit here having plans ditch on me and realizing I have no one to go to for real life company.
Family talking about having a big dinner with my brother and I coming and bringing our close friends. My brother has his list, I have... "well my best friends are in other countries/across the country now so, the few people I've been spending time with lately I don't know if I'll be hanging out with a month from now" soooo, yea.
That's my stupid mopey journal post.
I miss Gina, and Brad, and Brynn.
I want to edit photos and I need money,
do you want photo edits and has moneys?
You should come get some from me, for super cheap.
I'll take whatever you are willing to give via paypal.
I can do photo edits, icons, banners, fancy facebook cover photos, gifs from videos, vf layouts, even make you a personal sign or something.
Yesterday make a journal about being lonely and being unable to find the perfect person.
Today get a message from a guy I'm in a group with that I've never talked to before ask me out on a date out of the blue, and we talk and have so much in common that part of me thinks he just stalked me and found out about every single thing I like so he could say he likes it too, just to get with me...
Sometimes I really miss what it felt like to be in love.
When it was happy and exciting and everything is good, getting to spoil and have someone to think about and work together to better each others lives.
I haven't felt that in forever, it's been over a year since I've been in a relationship even.
People "in love" around me are fucking annoying though, holy hell.
I'm sure you finding someone you're compatible with right now is great and all, but shut up about it on facebook would you? Jeeeeeeesus.
Yes, I'm lonely and bitchy.
I really wish I felt for some of the people I had/have chances with... but I don't.
Sometimes this worries me, am I being picky or do I just not feel genuine love anymore?
Some really fit what I'm looking for in a lot of ways, but nope... nothing.
I've become cold, closed off, dishonest, and bitter.
If anything, right now I really wanna fuck.
Totally casual, non-clingy, amazing sex.
The End.
