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Most these will suck and be boring moany shit, but I couldn't give less of a fuck what anyone thinks about me, I hate myself so you hateing me don't matter really does it...
Rejects_Are_People_2's Journal
Thought Of A Fucked Up Girl
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What I want to say and fucking can't.
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February 24, 2010, 12:48:am
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I don't understand you!
You tell me you like me and then you turn round a week later and tell me you don't anymore,
Which is fine, I deal, I move on and try my best to be friends.
A while later you turn round and start kissing me and there are only so many times I can say no to someone I want to kiss so badly, so we kiss, a lot.
I figure your drunk, I will let myself have this one night of being happy, I don't even tell my friends because they will tell me to read more into it but I don't because you already told me you don't like me and you were drunk.
The next week more drunk kissing and the next day, sober, we pretty much sleep together and I can't help but think that is something there.
Now I don't know what to think because I'm terrified, I'm terrified your going to say it was a mistake, you regret it, that you thought it was cool because I have sex for fun not because I like people, that you thought it was no big deal. This time it was a big deal. But then I'm also terrified that you like me, that you might want to be with me.
To be honest the second option scares me more then the first, I can deal with the first, that happens to me a lot but the second, I've never been there before and don't think I could deal with it.
How messed up is that?
So now all I can think to do is run away, forget any of this ever happened, forget the feel of your hand on my cheek, the taste of your lips, the way that it felt so normal to be kissing you and having you hold me against you. I don't belong there.
So I'm going to run and I doubt you'll chase me. But a part of me, quite a big part of me wishes you would.
Mood: pretty shit, lol
Music: Never Yours - Tracy Chapman, lol
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to anyone who gives a shit
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February 09, 2010, 08:40:pm
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I'm ill and have been for about a month, they dunno what's up but hopefully I will get better soon, I have all but stopped eating and today I ordered a pizza and ate 2 slices but I figure I should try and eat really calorie filled foods to try and keep my calorie count as high as you need, I have vitamins and stuff for all the other junk but yeah
I'm stressed with a million people asking me to do stuff and I told myself I would 'say yes' this year and not let opportunities pass me anymore, so far I am in 2 shows, 2 student film and 3 photo shoots, not to mention playing a gig and singing for a wedding
I miss my fucking friends, not gonna moan about them not texting to say they are going out, cus I wouldn't go anyway as I have no ID and will just have to go home again, assed
I'm about to get my heart broken again but the same guy who broke it last time because I'm a fucking idiot, he kissed me, something I'd hoped for for months, I didn't have the strength to stop myself, I want him so much, he makes my knees go weak and I just AH! I'm so lost and I need people I can talk to about it!
I hate v-day, I have been single for 3 years and v-day just makes me want to die, for the most part I don't want a relationship, I'm not going to go out with just anyone to make myself feel special and needed, but there have been maybe 3 people in the last 3 years I would have wanted to go out with but they didn't/don't want me but whatever
Basically this is the most down I've been in a very long time and I know I'm not being social but I'm also really needing my friends to kick my ass and make me come out, I feel shity and look pretty crap too so going outside is a mission but I need it or I may fucking lose my mind
peace x
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January 29, 2010, 08:00:pm
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more =TxT=
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January 28, 2010, 03:22:pm
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GOD DAMN I WANT TO GET MORE TATTOOS!
I have so many planned inside my head and I know exactly what I want and where and AH!
I want =[
stupid drama lol
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=TxT=
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January 27, 2010, 03:04:pm
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Do I apply to RSAMD or do I chicken out for another year?
I know I won't get in
but should I audition anyway
I don't know
=?x?=
confused kitty
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