So, I woke up today to be told that I'm moving house next week.
Not only have I lost my phone and memory card with every single
memory from the past two years on it, pictures, text messages, the
first time I was told the most valued words I've ever heard. But now
on top of losing that part, I'm losing my room. My room is my sanctuary,
my room is my seventeenth birthday present, my room is one of the only
reminders left. Halloween has passed, yet I still haven't heard a thing,
so that adds to the shit feeling of losing every little thing I had left.
What really sickens me the most is that I can't get any of it back.
All of the memories are going, going, gone. But the feelings are still there.
Trying to forget someone who means a lot to you is like trying to remember
someone you've never met before. It's impossible. No matter how hard I try and
no matter what I do, I'll never ever be good enough for the one person I really
fucking need to be here for me. I'll never ever hate the person who I should hate
the most. The one person I need to remember is just disappearing...
To top all of that shitness off, Mitch Lucker, vocalist of Suicide Silence,
passed away today. Normally I wouldn't get too emotional about something like
that, but Suicide Silence have been my rock for the past eight weeks and it
completely shatters me to know that I'll never get to thank Mitch for getting me
through a lot of bullshit and for keeping me sane on those sleepless nights, for
showing me that you really only do live once and you have to make the most of it.
For those who read this, I'm not writing this journal to complain about life and
what not, I'm writing it because I need to get it out of my system and because
I have nowhere else to vent. So I do apologise for wasting your time.
"Everything I've loved, became everything I lost..."
So... I really want a smiley piercing but my friends
are all like "No, please don't ruin yourself."
So I'll ask your opinions if you'll give them please.
And for those of you who are uneducated in the piercing
world, the following picture is a smiley piercing.
The one in her mouth, for the super special people.