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Nevermore_Phantom's Journal
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Tentsion...
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July 20, 2008, 06:48:pm
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Hello there my dark friends, demons, warlocks, wizards, witches and vampires (sry if i forgot to mention anyone).
Anyways...some of you may wonder what has happened to me in a past moth or two (well... most of you don't give a shit..but i am still writing anyways...)
So..what have i done this summer...well..i found a girlfriend..and then lost her again...
she was also my muse...so..though luck for me...(FUCK I HATE MYSELF FOR SCREWING UP)
well..i am starting to get over her..but still there is something left in my heart and soul that just eats me...
well..i also have been drinking with my friends
i didn't drink alot...just some drinks now and then..always walked home on my own power and felt good the next morning..
this one time was cool.. (i love to brag..) one of my best friends relative is a famous bass-guitar player in estonia..and he came with him to the hard rock pub where i drink most of the time... and the famous dude bought us tequilas...that was awsome....
i said to him that there is no need...but he insisted and said it was like a little gift from him cause we had our graduation on that day..
well...something completley different...and not related to the last subject..
One girl who i haven't seen in a long time, came by my house and said that they need a guitar player for one contsert...so..well..i said yes..
now i have just a few days to learn 9 Nirvana songs(for band practise) and the tentsion is bulding up....cause in a few weeks i have to be on that stage..and i have never played in front of such a huge audience...
it's a 12 hour contsert..and we got 30 min to fill up....and we are the first one's to go on the stage..
So..i finished school...i am jobless..i didn't try to get into any school...and i have no freaking idea what to do....i wanna leave this town..but at the same time..i don't want to..
....so i am baiscly standing still and feel like i am dead and breathing....
also..my friend is haveing this huge ass 20th birthday party..that i would love to go to..but i can't and don't want cause there will be people i don't wanna see...i mean..people who i don't want to see togheter...
well..in short...i'm fucked... even the only positive thing get's me down..
i know i am gonna fuck up on the stage cause my hands will shiver and my guitar playing will suck..
Thnx for reading....
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Life..freedom...
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March 12, 2008, 09:38:pm
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I saw this movie "Equilibrium"
This was a movie was about after the third world war.
And all human emotions are destroyedby a drug that must be taken everyday.
And all feelings were crimes.
Everything must be destroyed- art, literature, music.
Even every cute dog was killed.
To imagin...to lose all free will and emotions..
it would be like... life without meaning..
to lose the wonderful sound of music..
that we all love so much..
or the beauty of art, these beauitful and moving pictures..
and literature, poetry..would not exist...
it also worries me..cause people don't value the existance of art, music, literature and everything else.
We maybe one of the last generations who has free will,who are abel to each have their own opinion and taste.
Future generations may be brainwashed, monitored and controled...( don't laugh..i know it sounds paranoid and like something coming from a conspiracy nut..but when you think about it...what does goverment want....
a goverment fears people who are capable of critical thinking!)
we might be the last free people...
my only wish is that people would think, dream, express themselves.
This next sentence may sound a little anarchy-ish, but
Until we are under goverment power, we shall not have freedom.
Think my people, Think!!!
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