|
Muirghiel's Journal
The Book of Sorrows
|
|
Red bull
|
October 30, 2008, 04:46:pm
|
|
Red bull doesn't give me wings. It gives me jet engines with no steering apparatus.
Holy fuck I'm out of it. I keep staring at things, unable to register what they are. I'll start saying something, and then totally zone out.
This isn't so different from my normal state of mind. It's just way worse now.
|
|
|
Happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy...
|
October 16, 2008, 03:24:pm
|
|
Happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy ...
Mood: happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy...
|
|
|
Apparently this is the Patron Angel I should be invoking
|
September 30, 2008, 12:46:pm
|
|
Jeremiel
So you need Healing (63%), Knowledge (60%), Inspiration (40%), and Strength (94%)?
Archangel Jeremiel is the Angel of sympathy, prophecy, knowledge and intuition, and judgement. He is involved with the process of attaining wisdom and assists us in tasks that require us to preserve, analyse and apply knowledge. He is an inspirer and awakener of those higher thoughts that motivate us to devote ourselves to spiritual acts of service. Also, he enhances clarity of visions and helps our dreams to become lucid.
Jeremiel helps us see our lives from a loving and tender perspective and enables us to let go of the past and come to terms with changes. He inspires mercy and guides us toward love, kindness, and most importantly, harmony with all aspects of our lives. Whenever we feel the need to take an inventory of our life, so as to make positive adjustments, Jeremiel will be there. He helps us decide which goals are worthwhile and satisfying to pursue, which relationships need to be protected and nurtured, and which aspects of our lives are hurting, angering, or slowing us down and need to be discarded.
Besides helping us to see with clarity while reviewing and summarizing our past and present life, Jeremiel assists us with clairvoyant abilities in our waking and dream life to grant us insight in what is yet to come. He offers comfort whenever the uncertain future is causing us to be anxious. At times when we feel stuck, spiritually or emotionally, he helps us regain enthusiasm and confidence. After an encounter with Jeremiel, our view on life will have changed and our thoughts will be untangled.
One of Jeremiels most important tasks is to help newly crossed-over souls to review their lives. This is a service that helps those still living, too, as it comforts them to know that their passed-away loved ones are now in the care of this merciful Angel.
A Bit of Trivia: Being the Angel of Prophesy, Jeremiel guards the knowledge of the exact day of the final judgement. He is titled the Guardian of the Souls and as thus often compared to Hades, the Greek God of the Dead.
|
|
|
You know when you're feeling down...
|
September 26, 2008, 10:49:pm
|
|
...and the rational side of your brain tells you "come off it, things aren't all bad and moping certainly can't help!" But your emotional side says, "I'm neglected and unloved and unimportant, and no one will ever love me again, and I'm worthless, and the world is just going to get shittier."
I'm there.
|
|
|
I will lie with you and forget the world
|
September 22, 2008, 01:30:pm
|
|
My days begin and end with thoughts of him. I schedule my life to include him in it as much as I am able. Yet it does not take so great an effort: his presence is ductile, malleable, and I can form it as I choose to fit into the workings of my life. He adapts to my needs and I want for nothing. He meets me two thirds of the way when I need him to, and never asks for too much in return, for he knows what I can give. His fears are my sorrows, his joys my greatest pleasure. By turns he is father, brother, child: my provider, my companion, and my prodigy.
He and I learn from one another. We embrace each other and combine all that we are. That which cannot mix rises to the surface to be skimmed off and discarded. In each others' company we find much to enjoy and rejoice over. So many dimensions, so many layers to our entertainment that we find ourselves constantly diverted. It is so easy to forget everything else. Our hearts have a unique understanding together, made possible by the understanding of our minds as rendered by our mouths which are moved by our hearts.
Between the two of us there is much promise for the future. I will never be a fully mature, fully responsible, fully organized, fully competent adult: at least, right now I don't think I will be. But he picks up the slack and teaches me, guides me along the way, and sometimes I know a tip or two that helps us both. We struggle along side by side, and together we will make it.
I wish I could weave his touch into a cloth to wear against my skin, so I need never go without it. I miss his presence sorely. His kisses quiet my mind and his warm hands soothe my tired muscles, his breath sweetens my air and his strong embrace secures my aching heart. When he sings I feel something in me lift up in response and I feel a thrill under my skin. I ache to feel his chest against mine. When I settle down to sleep I wish I could feel his weight a few inches from me, quiet and still in slumber, his side pressed to mine.
Where I am now is because of him. He gives me the desire to try. He pushed me those many times and I realized, those things I was apprehensive about were not march-halting roadblocks, but obstacles which I could scale easily. I'd forgotten what "press on" really meant, not just bow your head down and blunder on hoping for the best but hold your head high and scan the horizon, seeing your goal. I still have difficulty but he is always there to reprimand and console and encourage. Wherever I go from here, I want it to be with him, and that means so much.
He cannot see in himself what I see in him. He is afraid like I am. He doubts himself, he loses faith at times, and others he becomes detached just to cope. I only wish that he could see himself as I see him and know how great he really is.
Mood: lonely
Music: Snow Patrol - Chasing Cars
|
|
|
