But I want to write it anyway because I can't keep bottling this up.
I'm still in love with him. Madly. All my thoughts surround him constantly and it tears me apart. Even more at the fact that he doesn't feel the same anymore, if he ever did at all. So he says.
I'm tempted to forget he ever existed, only for the fact that the thought of him being with some cheap floozy, or any other girl hurts me terribly.
I have someone who treats me well and takes care of me, but he wants me to be someone else. Someone I will never be. Is this my punishment for letting you go?
I hate myself. If that makes you happy, good.
Not like it matters to you anyway, I'm another ex who's not good enough for you.
'Nick' would rather ignore and hurt me than tell me the truth about anything..
'David' still has to go either way..
Why are my relationships so fucking stupid? Why do I always end up with guys that are gonna treat me like shit? Like I don't have feelings?
Every time I think someone is different, they all act the same in the end.
Well fuck it. I'm done trying for right now. So sick of being taken for granted. Sick of being pushed aside for 'better' things. I'm not good enough for anyone. and no one is good enough for me. Mood: Hopeless. Music: Coin Operated Boy - Dresden Dolls
I'm a relationship with someone. He treats me well, he's handsome, he's successful, he's a menagerie of good things rolled into one. And I love him. For now, let's call him David. (Not his real name)
But my heart has a tendency to wander.
I like someone who is not him. A lot. The difference is that this friend of mine, we'll call him Nick, is almost everything I wanted in a guy, from the interests down to the little things in life, he makes me laugh, he makes me feel happy, and.. just great.
Not to say that David is terrible, he does his best to make me happy and everything, but there's a lot of differences between that conflict. He's a devoted Mormon, he has a strong faith, goes to church every Sunday and participates in the church choir.
I am not religious, I'm even against Christianity in most forms, but for him, I put up with it. But I feel he does not allow me to be me. He hates tattoos, piercings, the way I dress sometimes, etc. And I could easily break up with him because of it, but I don't want to because I do love him.
But Nick.. Nick allows me to be who I am and likes me for it. Nick allows me to be able to talk about my darkest secrets and obsessions, I can talk to him about anything, and I don't feel shame after it. I've gotten to know him a lot over the past month and honestly, I've developed strong feelings for him..
I'm even crying now as I type this because I don't know what to do.. I love David but I'm also starting to fall for Nick, and it doesn't help that he's falling for me too.
Nick said that he will always be my friend no matter what.. but I want him to be more than that.. what do I do?
Mood: on the edge of insanity.. Music: Your Best Nightmare - London After Midnight
I'm contemplating whether or not I should delete my profile I kind of see no point of being on here Other than Whitney, I don't really have friends on here that I enjoy talking to My only reason for staying at all would be for the sake of longevity, I've had this profile since I was 13.
Mood: Disgusted by him Music: New Death - Voodoo Church
