Four days ago I learned that my friends father had killed himself and That broke my heart to begin with and it hurt a lot. I was close to that whole family I grew up with his boys that family has been in my life for over ten years and in a blink of an eye he is gone. When I asked my mother how he did she told me that I didn’t need to know that It wasn’t a good idea for me to hear. Well today I stood in the same room has she told someone what he had done and how it was a bloody mess and how he was found and how he covered the sound of the shots. I started bawling as I thought of the real reason she didn’t want me to know. Now Every time I close my eyes the flash backs get worse and worse. I don’t even want to sleep Iv’e been crying all day Inside and out Iv’e gotten so well at hiding things from people so good at faking a smile. These flashbacks are going to kill me even more inside then they are already have. I should have never stood in that room today with my mother. I should have never listen to her talk about it. I know one day this week I will have a break down, with lack of sleep and the stress of finals coming up, I am going to get so sick. I’m going to be the biggest mess of a human emotions and lack there of, I haven’t been this way since I was 16. I have two choice One Hold everything in and suck it up and going to his viewing this week and act like I’m, okay.OR two, Hide nothing and go to his viewing a mess and a wreak and break down and get sick and most likely push people away so I don’t upset people and hurt them.
I guess I will have to pick soon.
or I could just shut down now and save people the trouble of dealing with me. Mood: crying, sad, upset, angry Music: none
I made you a promise that if I ever hurt you, I would bleed for you From what Iv'e been told That's all Iv'e done. So tonight I'll bleed for the pain I caused you. Its alright though...it will be nice to break out an old friend to feed him again. Mood: Crying Music: The used
[] Push me into a wall and kiss me? [] Come To My House To Do Nothing But Chill? [] Slap Me? [] Have Hard Core Sex With Me? [] Slap Me If I Asked You To? [] Lick/Suck My Neck? [] Let Me Lick/Suck Your Neck? [] Watch A Movie With Me? [] Take Me Out To Dinner? [] Take A Shower With Me? [] Take Me Home For The Night? [] Let Me Sleep In Your Bed? [] Let Me Sleep In Your Bed (With You)? [] Take Me Anywhere With You? [] Repost This For Me To Answer Your Questions? [] Lock Me In Your room And Take Advantage Of Me? [] Let me lock you in your room and Take Advantage of you? [] Make me breakfast? [] Tickle Me? [] Let Me Tickle You? [] Stick Up For Me If Someone Was Being Mean to Me? [] Instant Message Me? [] Greet Me In Public? [] Hang Out With Me? [] Hold my waist from behind while we are out? [] Bring Me Around Your Friends? Do You... [] Miss Me? [] Love Me? [] Think I'm Hot? [] Think I'm Cute? [] Think I'm Ok? [] Think I'm Ugly? [] Want To Kiss Me? [] Want To Cuddle With Me? [] Want To Date Me? [] Want To Love Me? Am I... [] Sweet? [] Funny? [] Cool? [] lovable? [] Adorable? [] Great To Be With? [] Attractive? [] Mean? Have You Ever... [] Thought About Hooking Up With Me? [] Found Yourself Wanting To Kiss Me? [] Wished I Were There? [] Had A Crush On Me? [] Wanted My Number? [] Had A Dream About Me? [] Been Distracted By Me? [] Thought About Fucking Me? Are You... [] Happy You Know Me? [] Thinking About Me? [] My Friend [] A Freak-A-Leak
