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November 29, 2011, 02:53:pm
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Men suck. Even the nice ones are bastards. Even the ones that hold you close, tell you your pretty, want to make you happy... Even those men are cruel before long. They lash out and they hurt you, physically, emotionally or mentally. It doesn't matter. It's what they do. They're men.
Not sure what's going to happen here. I'm scared. It's the first time in years I've leaned on someone. First time in my life I've spent this much time with another being and didn't want to run away, hide, be left alone. But his words are starting to hurt me. And I'm scared. I know what awaits me if I leave. Solitude, stoney family embraces, control, manipulation. Ana is calling me again. Is it because I've grown too comfortable? Too aware that he will take care of me, keep the boney monsters from pulling me back into to the abyss of hunger? Will she get me if I leave him? Do I want to leave him? Are his arms not enough to cover his harsh, thoughtless words?
Is it worth it?
Is it intentional?
Can I still trust him?
Does he mean it.
Is it cruelty or lack of thought?
Was I right before?
Will I regret this more if I stay?
Or if I leave?
How much more can I take?
Ana is calling.
Is she in my mind already?
Are his harsh words merely her voice inside my head?
Her fingers pulling at my mind,
warping my thoughts...his words?
Ana is calling.
How much more.......
Mood: screaming in my head again
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October 13, 2011, 06:09:pm
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Dear gods.
I dug through this old account and realized just how fucking annoying I've been the past few years. I think I'm going to go stab myself in the toe.
Afterward:
This account is still un-active, I was just digging for something in the journal and saw how horrid this thing really is. Quite embarrassing.
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