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Random Thoughts

Random Thoughts #3 - Trust & Betrayal

May 28, 2012, 12:09:am

I was thinking earlier, and i randomly landed on my previous relationships trust issues.

As i thought about it, i listed out in my head, all the different points in which it failed.

They all came back to the initial betrayal. After she lied to me, and cheated on me, i was never able to get it out of my head.

There was no way to ever truly know if she had done the same thing, and any discrepancies would naturally lead me to think that it was nothing more than a lie, as it previously had been.

I've thought about the situation, and honestly, i can say that i am atleast partially to blame. After the initial betrayal, i was constantly untrusting, and stressed. It's hard not to be. How else should i have felt about the whole situation?

I know that i couldn't just give up my worries, and fears, and trust her again. As i've always felt, "Trust takes time to build, but a moment to destroy". And it takes more time to rebuild it, each and every time.

I don't trust easily. That's not to say that i can't trust at all. I do everything fully, regardless of what it is.

I trust fully, love fully, and can hate fully.

But once something changes, from how i originally put it, it's hard to bring it back.

I have to wonder how others feel on trust, and betrayal. Do you forgive, and forget? Or does it always stick at the back of your head?

I dedicate this to my Ex:

You wanted to gain back that which you lost,
and lose not that which you'd gained.
Instead, you lost everything,
not knowing you had nothing to lose in the first place, nothing to gain.
And you were a fool....
But not a fool by creation, no, but a fool by design.
You made the mistake, so long ago,
and took your first step down the path to evil, of thinking yourself a good person.
You asked me all the time, "Do you think I'm a horrible person?".
I pandered to your obstinate sensibilities,
and said no, knowing full well I was allowing you nothing more then to continue self-destructing.
When it all fell apart, I laughed while you cried,
because you thought yourself lordly, thought yourself perfect.
You knew not the fallacy of men,
that the road to hell is paved not with good intentions,
but with the thoughts of good people, thinking, they could do no wrong...

Ah, Symbolism. Without you, i would be lost. Lol.
Music: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OE994rZombk

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