|
Just_An_Effigy's Journal
General Musings
|
|
Please, Stop Falling For This Rubbish.
|
November 30, 2008, 09:16:am
|
|
Ah, another day, another bullshit chain mail from someone who thinks they're doing the right thing:
Dear Hotmail User,
Because of the sudden rush of people signing up to
Hotmail,it has come to our attention that we are vastly
running
out of resources. So, within a month's time, anyone who
does not
receive this email with the exact subject heading, will be
deleted off our server.Please forward this email so that
we know
you are still using this account.
WARNING WARNING
We want to find out which users are actually using their
Hotmail
accounts. So if you are using your account, please pass
this
e-mail to every Hotmail user that you can and if you do
not pass
this letter to anyone we will delete your account.
From Mr. Jon Henerd
Hotmail Admin. Dept.
Our hotmail system is getting to crowded!! We need you to forward this to at least 20 people. I know this seems like a large number, but we need to find out who is really using their account. If you do not send this to at least 10 Hotmail members, we will delete your account. Sorry for this inconvenience.
Look, your hotmail account is not in any danger, okay?
Here's why:
1. If the hotmail service was truly in such trouble, administration would send out an E-mail like this. They wouldn't rely on you to do it for them via chain mail, idiot.
2. What's the logic in deleting accounts that don't send out this shitty chain mail message? If they really needed to clean up the servers, they would enforce a rule which would automatically terminate inactive accounts after a certain ammount of months/years.
3. This E-mail is so poorly written, it's laughable:
"Hotmail,it"
"month's"
"server.Please"
"Our hotmail system is getting to crowded!!"
Just look at the way this piece of shit is set out. Every 8 words or so it moves to a new line which only has one or two words. What the fuck?
Oh, and don't forget this classic inconsistency:
"We need you to forward this to at least 20 people."
"If you do not send this to at least 10 Hotmail members, we will delete your account."
So what? Is it 20 or 10?
Tool. Admin of a massive corporation would never send out such a pathetically written E-mail.
The people who start these stupid chain mails can go fuck themselves. If you want to try and trick people into buying this rubbish, at least make it relatively believable. Learn how to spell, for starters.
As for everyone who ever believed any of these stupid things, you now know. It's fake, okay?
Dont give me that "oh well you wont be laughing when your account gets deleted!!" bullshit. You know I'm right. Stop fucking sending it to me.
That is all.
=]
|
|
|
Felix's Guide To Creating A Beauty Cult
|
November 17, 2008, 04:57:am
|
|
So, you've decided to create a beauty cult? Hooray for you, VF certainly could never have too many of those! This is a complete guide to creating and managing your very own self-absorbed beauty cult!
1.
First and foremost, make sure you're NOT in any other beauty cults. We all know the reason you're creating your own beauty cult is so you'll be the owner, and the "prettiest" one by default. If you're in any others, this doesn't do good for your image.
2.
Okay, time to get your layout going, there's not much of a criteria concerning this.. but make sure you have some kind of tagline at the top saying "VF'S MOST STUNNING MEMBERS" or something equally elite. Oh and don't forget to put "NOT JUST ANOTHER BEAUTY CULT" somewhere too. All beauty cults need that.
3.
Time to get your invites set up! You want to get in people's faces about how good you are, but you also have to convince them to join your cult.. a tricky situation indeed. How do you get around this? Easy! Just put the rhetorical "ARE YOU GOOD ENOUGH?" or "DO YOU THINK YOU'VE GOT WHAT IT TAKES??" in your invite somewhere. This makes people feel unsure about themselves, forcing them to join in hopes of being being deemed good enough. Ah, thank god for insecurity.
4.
Disregard all irony and always maintain that people have to be pretty AND intelligent to join your cult. We wouldn't want arrogant self-absorbed teenage girls joining now would we?
5.
Be a bitch to anyone who criticizes you, and acknowledge said bitchiness. Because hey, being a bitch is totally cool.
6.
Refer to all of your members as "bitches." They love being belittled like that.
7.
Always create an application cult for the main cult. Nothing screams "exclusivity" like an application cult.
8.
Never, ever let anyone get hold of a photo of you with any imperfections. If this happens, your cult, and life will be over.
9.
Photoshop is your best friend.
10.
And remember, you're a god. Anyone who doesn't love you is an idiot, because you're hot as hell. Looks are in fact, everything.
So there we have it. Happy cult making!
-Felix
|
|
|
Things That Piss Me Off - November Edition
|
November 01, 2008, 02:18:am
|
|
Curse you November!
1. "Wednesday"
I hate the word Wednesday. The English language has a lot of stupidly written words, but Wednesday fucks me off the most. It's written as "Wed-nes-day," but pronounced "Wend-stay." What a load of ass. Fuck Wednesday.
2. People who don't even list their first name on their VF profile.
I'm so damn tired of this happening. I go to send someone a comment, only to realise that.. I don't even know their name. I look all through their profile for it, but it's not there. PUT YOUR GODDAMN NAME ON YOUR PROFILE. Seriously. Apart from your gender, your name is one of the first things anyone EVER finds out about you when you meet in real life. SO WHY DON'T YOU TELL ME YOUR DAMN NAME ON THE INTERNET?!
3. People who write their profiles in third person.
I.e.
"this is Andrew, he is 15 years old, he's single, and enjoys playing guitar."
Fuck Andrew, and fuck everyone else who writes their profiles this way. Despite what you may think, you're not being creative and/or mysterious. At all.
4. People who get tattoos of cannabis plants on themselves.
If weed plays such a big part in your life that you feel the need to get it stabbed into your body for all eternity, you have issues. Big ones.
5. People who give narcotic drugs to animals.
These people aren't much different to the last group of people I mentioned. I'm sick of hearing idiots telling me about how "I got my dog stoned the other day, it was fucking hilarious, he couldnt walk."
This is so stupid on several levels.
1. It's cruel.
2. Your dog could die.
3. WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU WASTING YOUR DRUGS ON ANIMALS?!
Narcotics are expensive. If you buy them, the least you could do is fucking use them for yourself. You have no friends. Give yourself a punch in the face for failing so hard.
6. "Permanent" hair dye.
What does the word permanent mean to you? Perhaps I'm out of touch with reality, but I thought it meant.. oh I don't know.. forever? Indefinitely? Synonym?
Apparently not. It's not if I have to redye it about two months later. Permanent my ass.
7. People who take my rants seriously.
Jesus, get a grip. Of course I don't hate all Americans, idiot. It's called humor, get a sense of it.
Love from Felix =]
(By the way, "Synonym?" was intentional. I'm just that funny)
Mood: Felix is angry. *irony*
Music: VAST - Free
|
|
|
My Years On Vampirefreaks
|
October 31, 2008, 01:25:am
|
|
It's about time I wrote something and dedicated it to the very site which has helped fuel my creative spark. The website that opened me up to a world of HARDCORE GOTHICISM, when I thought I was the only freaky goth kid on the planet.
I've been a part of Vampirefreaks for over three years now, with three different accounts. No more changing though, I'm certain that Just_An_Effigy will stick, for good.
My first was in 2005 when I first joined. I was completely new to the site, and an extremely tryhard kid, still trying to find his scene. Therefore, it's no surprise that my account name was "on-fire-666."
Shortly after..
What's that? You want a photo of what I looked like?
Very well.. brace yourselves for the horror of what Felix once looked like..
Now that's out of the way..
Shortly after this profile was created, I came to my senses and realised how stupid my profile name and style both were. I then created my second profile, entitled "Shrykull." I took this name from Abe's Oddysee (a totally awesome video game) in which the Shrykull was a super-powered mythical being Abe could turn into once he gathered the powers of both the Scrabs and the Paramites.
By this point, I looked more like this:
After about two years I decided to do a little test, of the female species. My shrykull account wasn't getting much attention, so I created Just_An_Effigy (sure, it was against the rules, sue me)
"Just_An_Effigy" is a snippet from a song called "Sin" by Nine Inch Nails, which is my favourite band, and has been for years.
I covered this profile with photos of me topless, with thick black eyeliner, to see if this would gain more attention.
Needless to say, it did. My test was over, I had a laugh at the shallow girls, and I was about to delete my profile when I realised I preferred this new username to my old one.
So I deleted Shrykull, removed the topless pics from Just_An_Effigy, and away I went.
Until this point I hadn't had much interest in cults on VF, and mainly posted in the music reviews and messageboard sections of the site. I decided to start my own cult, called "Cults_Are_Pointless," just to be funny. It failed, then I deleted it after a month or so.
Soon after, I told my friend Tom to join (which he reluctantly did) and soon after, he had his own cult. It was good, and I helped him out with it a lot, as a co-owner. From this, I learned more about what cults should be like.
After a joke with one of his members about me rebelling and starting my own cult, I did. I was drunk at the time, and called it "Cult_Of_Felix," because I just loved myself so much.
Now it's October 2008, and VF has a larger role in my life (saying that just sounds scary, but meh.) My cult has thousands of members, hundreds of people on this site now know me, and I also have the fabled "premium membership" which I could only dream of when I first joined this site.
All I can say now is.. thankyou Vampirefreaks.com. You've always been my no.1 destination on the internet, and all credit goes to Jet, and the staff here. It sounds silly to dedicate anything to a website, but it's really not. Vampirefreaks is the easiest to use social networking site, and it also has some of the kindest, most open minded people I've ever met. Unlike Myspace.. I fucking hate Myspace.
Rock on VF, I'm here to the end.
-Felix
Mood: Halloweenish
Music: Third Eye Blind - Semi-Charmed Life
|
|
|
Things That Piss Me Off - October Edition
|
October 09, 2008, 12:30:am
|
|
I refuse to call this a rant, as a "rant" usually means something like:
"omg today sucked so bad I was supposed to go to the beach with mark but i couldnt because
my mums a bitch and BLAH BLAH BLAH" unfunny, uninteresting.
1. People who buy FUCKING BOTTLED WATER.
What the fuck is wrong with you people? Water is free. Don't waste your money on expensive bottles of it, even if it claims to be "purer" that regular water or some crap. It's been proven that normal tap water is better for you anyway, because of the fluoride.
So yeah, science, BITCH!
2. Guys on VF with their topless photos.
Everyone bitches off at the slutty girls on this site, but no one seems to care about all of the man-whores. If the only attractive feature about you is your physical body, then.. you're fucked. We don't need to see 20 photos of you standing there topless, tensing your muscles as hard as you fucking can. I hate you. No, I'm not jealous. I hate you.
3. People who have auto-play music on their profiles.
ANGRY. I'M FUCKING ANGRY AT YOU! I don't want to hear Marilyn Manson screeching at me every time I go to look at someone's profile. If I wanted to listen to that shit, I'd go and fucking download it! Stop wasting my download limit.
4. In my last pissed off entry, I mentioned anger toward people who set their locations to "hell" on vf. Just letting you know that "in your pants," and "under your bed" are equally pathetic and frustrating.
5. People who claim "13" is their lucky number.
LOOK AT ME I'M SO NON-COMFORMIST MY LUCKY NUMBER IS IRONIC ITS A NUMBER THATS COMMONLY ASSOCIATED WITH BAD LUCK. IM SO KOOL.
6. People who type "ma" instead of "my."
Die.
7. People who edit their imperfections in photoshop.
Now, I don't mind if you fuck around with lighting, contrast, or any other such effects. BUT, if you use photoshop to blur out your pimples, or deceptively liquify your flab out of a photo, you fail. Stop trying to deceive everyone. People should like you for who you are, and what you naturally look like. If they don't, lose some weight and/or eat healthier food. There's nothing worse than someone who pretends to be or look like someone they're not.
And personally, I love imperfect photos. It shows that someone isn't so hung up on vanity, and that they're genuine. So nyah, think about that.
Mood: Wired
Music: Everclear - AM Radio
|
|
|
