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House_of_Secrets_666's Journal
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[Hmm....]
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November 07, 2008, 09:35:am
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I have an Xbox 360 now.
With Live.
I won't be on much.
Bye social life.
Mood: Gaming
Music: Grendel - Lust
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[Fuck it, I'm done.]
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October 29, 2008, 01:14:am
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What the fuck is this world coming too. It's it supposed to be the guy the sex craved jackass, and the girl the fragile heart.
Why, fucking, why, can I not find a girl, that doesn't want to just fuck me, this is so moronic.
Stereotypically, I'm supposed to be like, I'll fuck anything that walks, correct? Well, how the fuck does it make sense. I have denyed, DE-FUCKING-NYED sex for almost 8 months, because I felt that if I wanted love, if I wanted a relationship, it would be wrong of me to fuck anyone, and it's not good for starting a fundamental relationship. 9 fucking time, I thought I was interested in someone, and they just wanted dick, and 3 times they lied about age, wtf is this shit?
But yet, I guess it's what I get, for putting my heart out there, all I get, in 8 months, from anyone I was interested in, was an offer of awesome sex.
Woo-fucking-hoo. Maybe that's why most guys are jackasses, because you fucking women make us this way.
I'm done, that's it, I've had it. No more, no more. I'm done looking for long term happiness, I'm done looking for love. Might as well think about the now instead I guess. Congrats, one more jackass has been added to the list.
So, who wants to fuck?
Unless you are telling me yes, fuck off. I don't want your fucking shit or pity, I think it's too late. way to fucking late for this fucking shit.
There's only so much my fucking heart can take.
Mood: Pissed Off, and Hurt
Music: Placebo - Waiting for the Son of Man
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[Dead in a ditch, but I hope you miss me.]
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October 24, 2008, 03:33:am
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So, I am sorry, but at the same time not, for kind of disappearing. I've been so swamped with work and school, I really don't have much time. Once the play is over, I will have more time to be on.
I do have a job now, I am a student aid for the theatre department at Morton College, and also a part time techie there as well. It's shit pay, but it's pay.
Mood: Tired
Music: Hollywood Undead - Dead in Ditches
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[You're the world I want to live in. Can I exist in you?]
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October 01, 2008, 01:58:pm
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I love this song so fucking much.
Pain unlike pleasure
Wears no mask
What about trust?
It's funny you should ask
A force inside me craved
To love you
But I prefered to close my eyes
And now you're gone
And I turn out to be the one
That can't go on
You just have to be mine
I love you
And I have proof
I drilled a hole
Into the body of this boat
Take this ray of light
Veil the moon and hold the tide
Calm the wind - you might
Control the sea
If you save my life
We will rise
And shine so bright
That the stars will go blind
And leave
Leave the sky
You're the world I want to live in
Can I exist in you?
Oh, you want proof
Another shipwreck to amuse you?
If we allow our souls to fly
We could meet in the sky
You go your way
I'll cross your line
From time to time
Are you the fire that burns me?
The ice that cracks beneath me?
Mood: Okay
Music: Seabound - Castaway
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[With hearts immortal, we stand before our lives]
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September 29, 2008, 09:15:am
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So I think it's time for a real update, I haven't been able to do this for a while. I've been super busy with stuff, and also for a long period of time didn't have interwebz.
I started college in August, though it's only a few classes I really like it. I am trying to go in to be a sound technician full time, and actually work at a place that pays well, so I can support myself. This economy is shit, I can't even find a job, it's so bad I have never even gotten a call back in two fucking years. And I have applied at least 20 places, and most several times. I don't even have enough right now [nor the card to] renew my premium membership when it expires in Dec [I want to get it done early] and that's just bullshit [so someone do it for me, haha].
As for most other things, it's been the same thing. Still living the single choice, for a while I said fuck it, but now I am more open to trying something again, but of course I have gotten picky. As much as I crave to find my heart again, I know just trying with out being at least 95% sure is not where I want to be. I'm not even going into the feelings that have resurfaced for someone else.
There have been a lot of family issues with me as well, though I have never liked my family, minus my mother and grandmother, a lot of things have changed, and I don't know if I could ever get used to them. After 20 years of things been, for the most part, stable, everything in the last 2 months have made it collapse. Though I have been being strong, and I am doing well at that.
Despite all of this, I've been very optimistic about things, which is different from my usual behavior. I probably sound very apathetic about all this, but I'm actually pretty good.
---EDIT---
Nevermind the premium thing. Mia renewed mine behind my back <3333
Mood: Alright
Music: Cruxshadows - Immortal (Our Souls Enduring Club Mix)
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