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Hellgodess's Journal
Omg..I'm get so bored. -.-
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Love and hate. Don't look away...you know you want to know my opinion.
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November 17, 2008, 09:02:pm
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I love you.
I hate you.
Two simple feelings that I feel for you.
Did I just say simple.... Ahahahaha!
So I talked to you today, for the first time in atleast a month.. yeah.. I went without you for that long...... WHAT THE HELL HAVE THEY DONE TO YOU!??!?!?!?!
One of the first things that I noted: YOU WANTED TO KILL YOURSELF!
Second: YOU'RE BOYFRIEND! Yeah, the new one! Where was he? Not helping you, clearly!!!
Third.... third is that I noticed you've changed... you never wanted to kill yourself when you were with me... you never had this much drama in your life when you were with me....
Because you are with him.. you've been smoking drugs again..
Because you're with him.. you've gotten away with more lying..cause nobdy stops you.
Because your with him you're having a hectic life.
Because your with him I bet you cry a lot more..
Can't you open your eyes and see!? Can't you realise what's happening!? Can't you snap out of it and take in what's going on!?
It's sad really... cause I know I still love you more then he ever fuckin' will.
If you can cheat on me, hate me, ignore me, desert me, and make me disappear from your existance.. and I still love you... then.. it just speaks for itself.
And don't look away.
Don't make pretend this doesn't exist.
Read this.
Comment...
You know you want to.
You want to cause you still have feelings for me too.
OH! And one last thing... way to come back on VF and talk to me like you said you would.... I can't wait for tomorrow to hear your excuse about how.. either your computer wouldn't work.. or your mother wouldn't let you on. If I even talk to you tomorrow!
I just fucking CALLED YOU OUT. The chance of me talking to you again in this lifetime were just made sliiiim.
Oh and I just thought I'd remind you; we were never gonna be apart.
Oh and I just thought I'd mention.. I'm waiting for you to kiss the pain 'cause.. "It hurts.. everywhere."
And the one real final thing.. I love you. I hate you.
Mood: Happy but on the verge of grabbing a gun..
Music: "Tomber" -- Gerald Depalmas.
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I hate loving you...
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November 01, 2008, 11:20:pm
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Alright, so I dont get it...loving you with every fiber of my being just isn't enough? There has to be more? I know I don't live close but I only live 1 hour and a half away. And I'd walk there and back each day if that's what you'd want.
I'll never get over you cause you were the first one to steal my heart, but the moment he came along I could tell you droped it and glued a few pieces in wrong. I already told you "You swim in the sea of my sould and calm the ravenous storms into calm waters, a gentle river!" but you choose him, and I guess I'll have to live.
Of course my love will never cease and I think most people see my as pathetic when I say "I would take you back in a heartbeat, anyday, anytime." but I only say it cause it's truth.
I know you don't really see my love as usefull, I guess, but it'll always be there... and it'll be stronger then his love!
And I think you even know that.........
So I guess you can call me hopeless, pathetic, foolish, stupid, idiotic and any other name you can think of. But I'm desprate for your love, and the need for you is amazingly uncontrolable...
I love you..
And I only realised no that you'll see this.
I'm sorry, don't cry.
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The numbers of my life.
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November 01, 2008, 07:41:pm
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15 is my age.
5 is the number of times I break in a week.
2-3 is the number of times I smoke drugs in a day.
5 is the number of times I will get pissed at my. friends for being loud and annoying in one week.
1 is the number of times I punch a wall everyday.
5 is the number of times I think suicide in a week.
1 is the number of true friends I have.
0 the lone number, it's the number of people who love me.
Mood: Annoyed and somewhat happy.
Music: Seindfields on, but that's just voices.
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October 07, 2008, 06:35:pm
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[Twitch]
I
[Twitch]
Hate
[Twitch]
My
[Twitch]
Birthday.
[Twitch.]
Mood: [Twitch] Twitchy.
Music: None.
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September 27, 2008, 06:18:pm
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"Hello my name is dirty Mary
You're horny secretery
All be whatever you want me to be
I can be a mother fucking slut
All you have to do is ask it."
Ahahaha! I love this song. XD
Mood: Histerical
Music: Lady Bouncer - Dirty Mary
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