My Guardian, My Love, My Military Family By: Fulgora
I sit and stare At the stars above me It’s cold tonight and it’s not fair You’re not here you can’t see
How much I miss you I never realized it would be this hard Since the second we said adieu Till you’re in my arms, I’ll be scared
You’re millions of miles away Only the moon to connect us I know you’ll come back to me one day I try not to make such a fuss
Your name resounds in my soul I count the seconds till I see thee My tears over flow from my heart below Around your neck holds my hearts key
I rest and wonder Looking o’er the vast night void My heart grows fonder I heard you’re returning I’m overjoyed
How much I miss you I never realized it would be this hard Since the second we said adieu Till you’re in my arms, I’ll be scared
You are my guardian, my love My heart, my soul, my tear God sent you to protect me from above You’re a dream catcher you catch my fears
You protect me You guide my ways You help me see You clean my cloudy thoughts of its haze
You steer me clear of all wrong reflections You keep me on track of my goals With each passing day I sit my barren Thoughts of you burning like coals
You pass through my thoughts like sand in a desert Only the night air connecting our souls Hope of news of you keeps me alert I sit and wait but as eager as a newly born foal
So I say now My Guardian, My Soul, My Love, come back to me safely.
Mood: Pensive Music: Because You Loved Me-Celine Dion
Why am I here? I sit and wonder every day, ‘why am I here? What was I created for? Does my life have a just purpose or does the Almighty see my life as a mediocre way of proving a joke? When will He show me my plan to go through life? Why not pick on someone else? What did I do to deserve this punishment? Has what I’ve gone through all apart of a test?’ Maybe what is said in the Bible is true, what it was Eve’s fault that we as mankind were forced out of paradise, doomed to wonder the vastness of Earth for all eternity? What if Darwin was right and we are created from apes. Do we still possess animal-like characteristics? What if they are both wrong? Who do we have left to blame for our own feeble mistakes? Others? Men? No, all we have to blame is ourselves. Why do we always look against others to make out own problems go away? Sometimes it’s best to look within ourselves and accept what we do in this life will haunt and doom us into the next life and further on. I believe in this life I was put on this Earth to help people as best I can. Maybe that’s my excuse for leading the life I do. I don’t remember anything from my past lives or if I even had them. But I do believe in karma. I believe what we do now will in turn affect us later on in life. It may not be this month, this year, this lifetime, but what we choose to do will affect us later. From what I do remember from this lifetime is a bit scattered. I remember a happy childhood filled with laughter and merriment. Learning the difference between right and wrong. As well as, trying new and wondrous things. Then I found out we were moving away from where I grew up. We were moving away from everything that I knew and loved. It was hard for me to move. Once I did, I saw it as a challenge. For an 8-year-old girl that was a big start again for her little life. I grew through some hardships and worked through my problems. Sometimes I would turn to my best friend (who was also my older sister) and other times with “help” at school. When my sister threatened to move out on countless occasions my world seemed to just unravel at the seams. Since moving out I grew up. With each hardship I grew (or rather was forced to grow) up depending on the hardships that was sent spiraling towards me. I could feel the tension growing within my family. More importantly, I could feel it between my parents. I could sense something was going to happen. Something that would drastically change the way I view my life and the way I think about the way I am. Around Christmas of 2007 my mother started disappearing for weeks at a time. Until finally she sat me down and explained to me what was going on. She asked me if I wanted to move in with her and finish out my senior year at the school district where she was. I wanted to accept it, but I couldn’t. I told her that I wanted to stay with my father and finish my senior year there since I knew everyone and grew up with everyone. Plus my job was here and I loved everyone that I worked with. My mother assured me that we would see each other as much as possible. I’m glad that our case isn’t like most families where the courts set a date and time frame where my mother has to see us. If that were to ever happen, we would probably regret our time together. That time would be forced upon us and not our own choice. When we find time around all of our (my mothers, sisters, and my own) schedules that’s when we can see each other. Sometimes it can be hard because then I wouldn’t be able to see her as much as I would like. On the other hand, I don’t complain and I take what I’m given. Ever since my mother left, I’ve taken over a part of the housework when it needs to be done or at least try to. Every week I try to do the laundry for my father and I. Since the year I turned 16 I’ve had a job at Bob Evans. Since then, I’ve tried to help by putting back to the house financially. If we ever needed something then I would pick it up on my way home from school. If my father needed money I would give it to him. I know he will always pay me back. Partly because I always ask when it is he’s going to pay me back. I try to keep my grades up really (or reasonably) high to make my mother and father proud of what I can do academically as well as how well I can cope with major changed in and/or around me. For my friends I tend to put my needs behind myself and put their needs ahead of my own. If one of my friends is having trouble in apparent paradise (relationship problems) I give them advice on how they could handle it. Which I don’t really know they would ask my opinion on how to mend their relationships since I can’t keep one going myself. It seems like when I try to help someone, something in turn bad happens to me. So why, if I know something bad will only happen to me do I still help? Well, simply because I put my own needs on hold for those closest to me. I help those closest to me with everything I am and everything I can be. Even though I know I’ll get screwed over in the end, one way or another, I help people. When I have moments that I can’t handle myself anymore I can only go one (or two) or three places: my room, Teen Oasis, and my “brother” Josh’s house. Two of which are in Monroeville. When I go to his house, it’s my home away from home. I’ve known that family since before I was born. Our parents knew each other for years before him and I was thought of. I try to escape everything here and just melt away into complete nothingness. The only time I ever hate going home is because I have to go back to all my stressful situations. On the other hand, I can’t be on vacation forever. I have to get back to reality. We all do.
