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DreamDemon's Journal
... And In This Corner!
Hello Readers! I've decided to use my VF Journal as somewhat of a blog where I will post my new written comedy material. The name of it, the cliche in Boxing, "And In This Corner! ... comes from the fact that I will be attacking several Groups, Organizations, People and Places ... and, like Flyod Mayweather, so far, I'm undefeated.
I'll also be using it not only for rants, but from time to time, you'll see my lighter side with my observational humor ... you know, those things in life we all see, or do, or say, but nobody ever talks about, nobody ever realized how insane these things are.
That's where I come in, that's where my border-line A.D.H.D. and all-awesome talent for thinking up pointless, goofy shit comes to work to my benefit.
It was things like that that kept me from going any of the really good schools, but now they just maybe able to pay off for me.
It's funny how things work out, isn't it?
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Cult Advertisement.
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June 24, 2008, 10:11:pm
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I'm making an advertisement for the VF Cult: Fuck Pretty.
It's a great Cult, it has an application before the main one.
But, it's not one of the mediocre and pointless "Beauty Cults" you see all over this goddamn site.
Instead of accepting you based on WHAT you are ...
These people accept you based on WHO you are.
Talent, Personality and Intellect.
... Basically the things more important in life that looks.
... Sure, Beauty Cults might be more popular.
..... But 10 years from now,
it's going to be those same "Oh Sooo Elite" people that will be:
Flipping Your Burgers.
Mopping your floors.
Fluffing your pillow.
Mowing your lawn.
Painting your fance.
Washing your car.
Cleaning your house.
Cleaning your hotel.
and of course, PUMPING YOUR GAS!.
... So don't give in to the bullshit these self-proclaimed bullshit "Eliteists" say.
They're only trying to convince themselves, they're insecure fucks only wating acceptance and attention from as many as possible.
Join FuckPretty!
Mood: Bored
Music: The Doors: Break on Through
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My Idol Has Passed Away ...
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June 23, 2008, 12:04:pm
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So, I've found out recently that my idol, George Carlin, died Sunday.
He was 71, and with many heart problems since the 80's.
Carlin was a comedic genius, and was always known for pushing the envelope like nobody has.
I say for any fan of stand up comedy, if you have not heard of George Carlin, you are not a true fan of the art form.
Carlin was my idol, and the reason I want to be a stand up comedian, I've replicated my whole style of comedy after his.
I wasn't just a fan, I was like a student of his, he was like a mentor to me, and my work.
... Like the protoge he never knew he had.
With my comedy skills, I'll be lucky if I can ever become half the comedian he was.
I say half, because nobody will ever take his place.
The list of the "Three Wise Men" of comedy is now gone.
Lenny Bruce
Richard Pryor
George Carlin
RIP: George Carlin: 1937 - 2008
Mood: Sad.
Music: None.
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I'd like to talk about a few things now.
Minor things, things we all do, and nobody notices the humor in them.
We do these things day to day, yet, nobody realized how insane they are.
And then I came along, with my gift of a wide and humorous attention to odd and pointless details.
Which is the same gift that keeps me from going to any decent college I might add.
SO! Here We Go!
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Has this ever happened to you in the morning?
You just finished brushing your teeth, and you go downstairs and get a drink of Juice or Soda.
When you drink it, is the taste so bitter that your face scrunches up like an old man making a rough bowl movement?
Mine does too!
But then, the next day, mabye two, we forget all about this detail ... and it happens again!
Which is odd, because for anybody who's experienced this, it's a pretty distinctive taste.
Something we'd probably want to avoid.
Something that, after it happens we think, "Welllllll we won't be doing that shit again!"
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Have you ever heard yourself recorded?
Isn't it frightening?
Apparently we hear our voice different, inside our heads.
We speak, in our heads, we hear a sophisticated tone, in a well-spoken manner.
Then you actually hear yourself.
..... And that's a special day for everybody isn't it?
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You ever see someone you know, usually from behind, or far away ...
... and you yell them over ...
..... and then you realize it's not them?
Well, what the fuck are you gonna do now?
This really shows how calm and cool we REALLY are ...
... we take panic attacks over this shit.
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You ever talk about something that happened ...
... and it feels like it's been recent?
... You are positive the topic which you refer to is recent.
Then your friend comes in with the fact that it was three fucking years ago.
Then what do you say?
"Are you serious?"
... You never really believe them for a little while do you?
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Theres another thing we say, over everything ...
"Are you serious?!"
You ever notice how much people say this, as if the public has nothing better to do than you bullshit you.
"Hey, did you here? My mother died last night ... "
"Are you serious?!"
"..... Nah Slick, I just felt like calling you and making up bogus story of my mother's pain and suffering."
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You ever find yourself telling somebody a story ...
... and you kinda trial off, without even realizing it.
Then you get that line,
"Dude, what the fuck are you talking about?"
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You ever been standing around, watching a fight.
People scream the most ridiculous things during a fist fight don't they?
"HIT HIM! HIT HIM!"
"..... Well thanks for the fucking advice Jack! Jesus, all this time I thought I was supposed recite the entire dialogue of West Side Story.
Shit man, thank you for coming, I wouldn't even know where I'd be without you, excuse me for a moment, you're idiodic distraction gave my opponent the opportunity to advance, I happen to be bleeding from the ear rather fiercly, allow me to go to the outpatients room, when I'm out we'll this continue this conversation and you can give me a few more tips on what I'm supposed to do during a situation like this."
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Have you ever found yourself yelling and lashing out at someone over something you believe they did?
And then it turns out they didn't?
... Ever notice they always wait until your done your little pissed off rant of glory before they correct you?
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Guys, have you ever had your loved one mad at you.
... And they won't tell you why?
That's very common, I know.
But! Have they ever given you this little line ...
"You Know What You Did!"
That's confusing isn't it?
Don't you feel like just telling the truth sometimes?
"Yes, I know MANYYY things I've done, but please, fill me in, which one have YOU found out about?"
Even worse.
You ever THINK you know what she's talking about?
Oh god! Don't go there man! Theres only a limited chance you're right!
You ever trust your instinct? That always fucks you over don't it?
... It ALWAYS turns out that's NOT what she was talking about!
Now your not only sleeping on a couch.
... Now you'll probably be sleeping on your PARENT'S couch!
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... Have you guys ever been caught crying?
... It's a funny thing, cause we'll NEVER admit we were crying, will we?
Doesn't matter what just happened.
You're wife could have been killed in a 10 care pileup and the only thing they found remaining of her was the wedding ring you placed on her finger.
"It's okay to cry ... "
"I'M NOT CRYING! WHO SAID I WAS CRYING?! I SWEAR I'M NOT CRYING, I JUST GOT SOME DIRT IN MY EYE, THAT'S ALL I SWEAR!"
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Ever notice how big of a difference a cold is between men and women?
A woman gets a cold, it's just a minor annoyance. And it never interferes with anything.
"Oh, I have a cold ... well, I'm gonna have to get some DayQuil on my way SkyDiving into the Pacific Ocean."
... a MAN get's a cold, better not leave him with any instruments that could cause harm, theres a chance he JUST MAY attempt suicide.
And when a MAN has a cold, he can't do ANYYTHING, he lies on the couch for 3 days suffering like a beached whale!
"Oh god! Hunny, can you walk 5 feet to the fridge and make me a sandwich? Please hunny I'm soooo sick,
my nosee is stuffyy, my throat is scratchyyy, i'm coughinggg ...
... Oh God Allmighty! If you feel mercy for me you'll fucking kill me where I lay! I pray to you god, fucking KILL ME!"
Mood: Blank
Music: None
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Let's Kill Dane Cook ...
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June 12, 2008, 03:21:pm
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Let me start off this rant by saying Fuck Dane Cook.
He's a talentless, mediocre, plagiarizing hack.
It seems nobody is taking the time to inform the people of this.
Apparently, I've been elected.
I took the time to sit down and watch this guy, this was only a seven minute television spot tho. I didn't laugh once.
I also took the time to listen to his album, "Retaliation" ... for this, I laughed once. During his bit on "The One Friend Nobody Likes"
An hour and a half, with one laugh, from not only me, but everyone in the room.
I also seen online, the reviews of it, and not only of that disc, but Dane Cook himself, has stolen jokes from the likes of Louis CK, Joe Rogan, and a few others.
Dane Cook is just another one of these corporate fucking mainstream pricks trying to keep it clean and show a style of comedy that keeps away from the real issues.
At one time, I could of probably thought Dane Cook was funny, unfortunately, I am no longer a fucking ten year old.
Unlike most of these wacky brainwashed mainstream fucking robots of society, I see the fact that comedy like his is childish, useless and fucking foolish.
Why doesn't he try to do what actual talented comedians do?
Why doesn't he try to push the envelope a little?
Jesus, this guy isn't even near the fucking envelope. The cocksuckers of establishment like him don't even realize an envelope exists.
I may be young, but I've listened to the old style comedy all my life, and when did comedy go from an impressive art form of stage work, to a mentally handicap frat boy with ADD ..... who's drank one too many fucking Red Bulls I should add.
From what I've seen of stand-up comedy, it's usually best for a half-decent performer to question things.
Religion, Society, Government, Establishment, War, Gender, Habits, Humanity, the list goes on and on.
This isn't even the worst part I find.
The worst part has yet to come, the worst is the fact that I've seen recently on the internet, these mainstream fucking robots I've mentioned earlier are actually comparing the likes of Dane Cook to real artists like George Carlin, Lenny Bruce and Bill Hicks.
This really pissed me off! On a personal note, when it comes to comedy, these are like "The Three Wise Men" in my mind, I focus on these mine like a religion!
Well what the fuck is that? Clearly they are truly fucked.
The fact that they actually are aware of the true legends, and they way great comedians do it, yet they still go on like Dane Cook is a fucking King?
It's fucking sad.
The fact that the human race's standards has lowered itself to have the favorite type of comedy come down to the point where you don't even have to think about it anymore.
Is that really what the public wants? Do you fans of comedy really want to have some douchebag in trackpants and a wifebeater on stage acting like an idiot who needs a riddilin? Do you enjoy being underminded and treated like idiots with these simple fucking jokes?
No more of the artistic, comical, but at the same time, preaching time of comedy skills that were once seen in life, although they still exist, they're now shown in the shadows of this fucking hack.
No more intelligent, witty material.
With guys like Dane Cook setting the bar it sets high fucking standards for those talentless, tasteless, dumbass fucking acne-ridden dudes working the register at Burger King, coming home to there two bedroom apartment smoking pot from a pepsi can telling jokes which only stoned out fucking frat boys would think are funny in the first place.
"Rain forty days, please fucking rain to wash these turds off my fucking life! Wash these human wastes of flesh and bone off this planet! I pray to you, God, to kill these fucking people!"
Bill Hicks said this, I feel the same way when it comes to people like Dane Cook, and people who idolize him in the first place.
In closing, as I said, although the media would make you believe otherwise Dane Cook is not, has not, and will never be "Great".
I think it's generous to even give him the term "mediocre".
His comedy is tasteless and idiodic, the only reason he is highlighted as much as he is is the fact that unlike a REAL comedian, Cook doesn't work with topics such as Government, Religion, Society, etc ...
He has nobody to offend, therefore he's a corporate favorite, a sure shot at nobody to offend, and they can go on to suck Satan's long scaly red cock of establishment.
Theres no reason to have such great mainstream highlight of observations that can easily be made by a stoned thirteen year old boy.
To close this little rant, I'd like to leave a quote by the late, great Bill Hicks, cause when it comes to guys like Dane Cook, he just describes them best.
"They are demons, sent upon the Earth to lower the standards."
Mood: Blank
Music: None
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