|
Cyanide-Asylum's Journal
|
Forever Lost..
|
August 30, 2008, 08:05:am
|
|
In a sea of smoke..
The quiet embraces me,
My love isnt here.
my life is somewhere else..
Mood: thinking..
Music: him.. sleepwalking past hope
|
|
|
Wow...
|
July 29, 2008, 12:42:pm
|
|
Well, its wierd how times can go by so fast.. How people can change throughout years..How much you can change, who you hung out with and what was going on at that time. Just looking through some pictures made me a bit sad. Where did those "friends" go? Why was I so alone? And just everything. Its pretty weird and sad when you really think about it. Its just one of those mornings you realize that your not the same anymore. everything is different. how time can pass you by..
|
|
|
Funeral Today
|
July 24, 2008, 08:23:am
|
|
I miss you hun.
I don't want to go but I need to.
This was too much, too fast and unfair.
I come to see you in a beautiful wedding dress
and to watch you marry the love of your life.
Now I have to say goodbye as you lay cold and lifeless in a casket.
I will hold you in my heart forever more.
RIP Oda..
I love you.
Mataos, As for you, I am sorry, I know we can make it through this together.
You meant so much to her, and you mean a lot to me. I will help
raising Natasha I am here. She may not have a mother but she has an Aunt.
I love you both deeply.
-Cyanide..
Svaren är få,
vid trummans slag,
skall ditt sinne gå.
Sök i ovan,
sök i nedan,
sök i världarna nio.
Styr med Reid i för;
kalla på Rådarna,
svar skall du finna där.
Res smidigt och snabbt,
ty tiden är knapp;
trummans slag ger dig kraft.
[Translate to English:]
The answers are few
By the beat of the drum
Your mind shall wander
Seek above
Seek below
Seek in the nine worlds
Steer with Reid in the prow
Call upon the Fey
Answers you shall find there
Travel light and fast
For time is running short
The beat of the drum gives you strength...
Mood: Severly Depressed
Music: Den Gamle Talar-Månegarm
|
|
|
Snakk sant, ikke gi til sinne;.
|
July 23, 2008, 08:12:am
|
|
Noen ganger er jeg bare virkelig tapt og andre jeg vet nøyaktig hvor jeg skal. Fortell meg du, hvorfor tortur meg som dette? Hvorfor kan ikke ting bare stoppe for en stund, mildt sortere ut, uten problem, og gå til å kjøre glatt igjen? Livet er for komplisert til dette. Ingen kan forklare det. Noen kan knapt forstå det.
" Gleden ved slutten av kjærlighet er som grønt firewood når sett aflame, for lenger vente på lys, jo større varme det gir og jo lenger sin makt varer. " -Chrétien de Troyes
|
|
|
I never thought that one epiphany could truly change it all..
|
July 22, 2008, 12:23:am
|
|
I went wandering through a cemetary this night.
It was rather quiet. Comfertably quiet. I enjoyed the peace.
I came to realization on quite a few things. I don't particularly need anyone at this moment,
though the company would be nice. I've gone so long without, why should I bother anymore?
I thought what I needed in life was friends and family, and truth be told, both have turned their backs towards me. The only true friends I ever had are now gone from my life. I do, indeed miss them greatly. My mother is no longer supportive, she dreads to admit to poeple that I am her oldest. Why? because I strayed some ways from the 'normal' life she wanted me to have. My father is dead as well as my half sister. I'm sorry I refuse to go about the everyday routine of poeple, sleep (at night), go to work, come home watch television and go back to bed, only to repeat this insanity for the rest of the buisness week. About a week ago, I was walking and saw on a church sign "God accepts everyone" I decided to see how true to thier word that this church was, which they wern't at all. Under five minutes later, I was walking right back out. Aside from people being inhumane and brainwashed, I would like to be happy agian. I have not been truly happy for four years now. Four years of lonileness, accused of insanity and struck with the fear of the male species. Maybe I'm afraid to be happy. I'm afraid of what its going to feel like again. I've quit smoking. It just cost money and makes me feel gross. I feel low, undeserving, like I'm trying to commit a slow and painful suicide. Now I feel like I've freed myself somehow. Letting this all flow out. Letting go and giving myself a New start.
Now, I'm going rid myself of impurities. And completly free myself of all that restrains me.
And maybe talk to someone worth talking to.
Mood: Better..
Music: None.
|
|
|
