This is one of the most hardest things for me to talk about, 3 & a half years ago i fell pregnant to my ex partner, he would always tell me that if i ever fell pregnant that he would kill our child any which way he could, he would threaten to push me down stairs punch my stomach, so when i did fall pregnant i kept it a secret, sadly i miscarried & lost our fetus, i was saddened but i was also happy because i never had to allow my ex to know about it, now he is a father :/ after all the threats he made to me he of all people is now a father.
Last year i fell pregnant to my current partner, i told him i believed i was pregnant had informed him that i had a miscarriage to my ex partner, he was there for me, he told me we would keep this baby & be the best that we could be, he would rub my stomach & say that our bundle was in there, i didn't know how to feel, i was at this time not diagnosed with extreme depression so being pregnant just made me not want the baby i didn't want to even be me, i took a few months off work to wrap my head around everything, sadly once again i lost our fetus, i lied & told my partner i wasn't pregnant that it was all in my head, he didn't react, a few weeks ago i finally came clean to him & told him the truth that i had actually had another miscarriage he asked why i never told him, i said because i didn't want you to know, he hugged me & kissed me & said you should of told me.
the reason i am bringing this all up is because so many young people i know are having kids, it affects me everyday knowing that other girls are going to be mums & that i have already lost twice, i have trouble trying to wrap my head around this, i have also lost my twin my other identity, i can't deal with this any more, i just want to say that i will always love you 3 for the rest of my life <3
Okay i am seriously over everyone's fucking attitude towards me, i will not fucking have people offer my fucking partner GEAR are you fucking in the head? you wonder why i wont fucking talk to you, you wonder why i want nothing to fucking do with you, i try & be fucking civil but you fucking act like a cow to me, i get your my partners sister but your fucking partner is a drop kick drug addict & i aint going to have you take your shit out on fucking me, i was there when your cunt of a bf hit you i was there to help you out with your kids for xmas i was there when you needed money & this is how you want to fucking treat me? go fuck yourself i've fucking had it.
