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Chicanogoth's Journal
Deep Thoughts
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A Beautiful Note
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May 31, 2008, 06:22:pm
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She was there sitting accross the room, the most beautiful thing that could possibly be in the sight of his eyes. She was everything that he wanted, everything that he longed for and all the things that he wasn't. He didn't have a care in the world as long as she was in his pressence, he knew he wasn't supposed to be there and that he was meant to be in another place far from there but he didn't know where and why. Everyday she had a sad look in her face and even though he tried talking to her she seemed to ignore him, he didn't understand why she didn't answer back they were the best of friends and it all happened in one day she just stop talking to him. No matter what he did, he couldn't get her attention. This was destroying his heart, he couldn't take it any more so he decided to go to her house at night. 12 a.m. arrived and he was outside her window, it seemed no one had seem him climbed up, the window was open so he went into her room. He could see how her face was glowing with the light of the full moon, she had cried herself to sleep, he saw how she had her room full of pictures of them together. He looked at them until he saw the truth, he couldn't believed it at first but then it all came back. As he read through the newspaper about how his life had ended, he noticed her diary open and read about how she was madly in love with him and that she couldn't stand being alone in the world without him, he kept on reading and realize that this was a suicide note. A bottle of pills was the only thing left of her choice, and as the clock struck 1 a.m. a voice called his name, a familiar voice that had a warmth feeling to it. He turned and saw her standing there waiting for him with her arms opened.
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A Flowers Deception
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May 17, 2008, 11:22:pm
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Life was always full of surprises for everyone, his was just dull and same everyday. He saw as everyone was living a happy life he felt like nothing would change. He saw everyone in the world as a flower, beautiful and with no worries. He felt like a shadow in the darkness, who no one knew off and that no one cared about.
He dreamt of something new, he did not care about happiness he just wanted something different to happen is his life. For he was betrayed all his life and all that ran through his mind was about crushing all those beautiful flowers that covered the world.
But every time he planned and tried to rip a flower, something inside told him other wise. He kept hearing two voices. One telling him to destroy all the flowers, that they weren't fit to be in this world for all those things they did to him even after he took care of them. The other screaming that things would change and that all those flowers would perish by themselves for all those things, that he would soon find a flower that would take care of him and that he will no longer be a shadow but something more beautiful.
He knows stays in the darkness not caring for the flowers, making sure that everything that hurt him disappears before he could go back, back to looking for that flower that would do the same as he does for her.
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Weakness of Love
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April 19, 2008, 12:50:am
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Sitting at end of the bench, with a sad look on his eyes. He realizes that everything had betrayed him just as he betrayed everything in the past. But his past was the last of his worries, he knew she was gone and there was no way of bringing her back. He remembers all those beautiful nights together, he remembers how he came to be what he was.
She was everything his faith was against but her beautiful pale skin was too much for him not to surrender to his knees. He knew that if he followed her, he would be betraying all his life work, but there was no second thoughts for it was love at first sight for both. She didn’t want to do it, she didn’t want him to change his life but his pleading was too much. They both knew what would happen, but nothing was greater than their love.
Their last minutes together were like an eternity, an eternity filled with poison and sadness, but no regrets what so ever. His only way out, his only chance to follow her was the very same thing that he missed the most as she did. As the hours passed the only thing running through his mind was her and if he dared to follow her. For the very same thing that he feared was the same thing he missed. There was no doubt, his hurting was too much to handle, so he waited at the bench, the very same one where they met and now it was going to turn to the place where he followed her, where the sun would wrap him in its glorious light and take him to her…..
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Turning Points
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April 19, 2008, 12:46:am
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Looking up to the sky, he wonders about her. The moon is all he can see there is no one around, he feels lonely but there is nothing that he can do or no one to run to, he left home in search of her. But each time the moon grins at him he losses hope, Where are you? He asks himself every night. His only goal in life now was to find her, his better and beautiful half. He had everything, but he knew those things couldn’t fill the void inside of him that kept him awake at night. It was certain that he would loose it if she wasn’t found. Days turned into weeks, weeks turned into months, and months turned into years. After all that time had passed he wondered if it was worth it, if leaving everything he had worked hard to get was the answer to find her. He didn’t just lost hope he lost himself and everything he had and now he was the everything he hated. His loneliness turned into hate and his void was now filled with pure darkness. His emotions had gotten the best of him and even though he turned into the very thing he hated and discriminated before he had found something that wouldn’t remind him of what his goal in life was. Just a common day for him now, without expecting any surprising she found him. He didn’t know what he had done, he wondered how his only goal in life had caught up with him when he left it behind with his old self. He knew that even though he had almost nothing everything was perfect. It wasn’t until he was on his dead bed that he finally realize what happened….
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Tears From The Heart
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April 01, 2008, 03:22:am
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As the rain keeps pouring he looks down the bridge and sees the water growing faster by the minute. He just cant stop thinking about her, that picture he kept on his dresser where she‘s wearing a black scarf just won‘t go away, as the time goes by more memories of the past keep going through his head. He didn’t know what he was doing to her, what could have I done? He kept asking himself.
Leaning back and forth from the rail trying to make up his mind, all his demons had catch up with him and he didn’t know where to run this time. He crosses the rail but thinks more, ready to jump a memory about them comes up, and he tries to hold on but loses his grip with his hand and now he is hanging by a tread. The memory gives him hope but the rain feels like its pushing him off the ledge as if it were his demons.
About to give up he hears a voice but he can’t make up what it’s saying and he can’t see no one for the rain drops keep closing his eyes, someone grabs his arm and he feels a familiar warmth, he starts pulling himself up and sees no one. Worn out from exhaustion he faints.
Opening his eyes he notices the brilliant rays of the sun coming through his window, he sees her laying next to him with her hand on his arm. What’s wrong? She asked him, he doesn’t answer, instead he leans towards her and kisses her lips with such passion, as if it was the first time.
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