Is it bad that you make my heart skip beats? Is it bad that you make all the butterfly's spread out their wings? Is it bad that your smile is the one thing that can make me truly happy? Is it bad that you put this sparkle in my eyes?
you never knew what you had till you loose it, a year ago and 2 1/2 months go i hadmy first bf, 6 or 7 months later we broke up.
He was the only person who was worth my time
He was my first love... i still love him
he treated me right, he never told me he wanted sex he never talked about that, he talked with me on the phone till i went to sleep, held me, and dealt with my bs when i was immature as fuck, he honestly cared for me...
but when we broke up i didn't go after him...
we talked a week ago... we still love each other.... but he has a new gf now,... and me and her are best friends... and now the one person i truly have loved for a year and half( i loved him long before we got together) i will never have him again...
if you had the chance to go back and rewrite your past would you? Every last bad memory ever last fall, every argument, every lost friend, every death of a loved one,... would you? Would you completely change the course of your life to make it better to the past in which you wished to lived? Would you let every bad thing disappear and be replaced with good. To make your life pure and simple?
In all honestly i believe most people would answer yes. For a perfect past. but i would not. In my perspective your past is what creates you into what you have grown to love. Even if you don't like yourself, why change anything about what makes you you? why change it?
yes your past may suck. Yes it could be full of death. You could have been almost raped, or even raped. you could have been beat mentally, physically, and/or emotionally. you could have gone throuhg the biggest heart break. you could have almost died yourself... but why change that if your here you have friends who u help keep alive every day. why change that.
You are who you are inside and out and changing that will just change you in the long run and you will just want to change your life more because if you were to change it now to what you think you want, then you will never be complete again constantly searching for completion that will never come.
Your perfect, the past is perfect, your future is perfect, don't change perfection.
i dont love my scars. but i dont hate them either. they arent pretty they arent ugly. they are just remiders of things of my past the memories ranging from being stabbed to falling and scrapping my knee either way i find them s a neutral friend some being bad some being good. a lesson they can be. to warn you to not be stupid again. or a lesson to not be punished again. the scar on myhip has been an intrest inside my head this past week. everytime i see it touch it or anything i think of the lesson i learned... dont be stupid children, every lesson comes with its regrets..
i feel like my heart dropped into the pits of my stomach.... i dont beleive in adoption... and i just found out i may never be able to have kids.... ever... all ve ever wanted in life was to have my bby boy Zander and my baby girl alexandra.... im dead now... please let ths be a lie... please...
