I should have skipped class. No sleep, no time to sleep til after close tonight. I only came for the math test that is apparently next week. As I studied for it already I don't need the next 2 classes worth of teaching. Yay for 4 hours of phone games.
I find myself not talking to anyone lately. But, rather than leaving a noticeable silence I've been filling it with shit I don't care about. The result is that I spend all day going on about things that bore even me when the things that are eating away at me stay buried inside. I need to break this.
I have taken two actions today. The first, I have reached out to a few friends and stated one problem that is truly bothering me. This way I don't feel like I am throwing my burdens on one person. The response was nice.
The second, I'm trying not to fill the silence. It was never a problem for me in the past and it's only recently that I've tried so hard to seem happy. I've gotten too accustomed to lying about my moods. Going so far as to overcompensate and receive comments about my "chipper" attitude on days that I barely got myself out of bed.
That said, no one likes watching me be depressed. I don't like running everyone off by being a downer. I really don't like that for a few months there it seemed like I was on everyone's suicide watch list. So.. do I keep smiling or do I let people in?
/mushystuff