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BorderliningInsanity's Journal
Wicked Thoughts of a Tormented Mind
 
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im hurt
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September 21, 2008, 10:42:pm
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already....fuck this shit....i can't handle it.
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so
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September 21, 2008, 05:38:pm
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i found my story on VF evidentally they don't delete shit i just had to figure out how to find older entries. I'm confused, hurt, scared, and excited all at the same time. I just blew someone off completely because im hanging out with someone else. I hope i did the right thing because I could have had something with the other guy but the chance to have something with my ex is more important to me at the moment so if it doesn't work out maybe TJ will be there when shit hits the fan...if it does. I just realized that TJ and Trai have the same initials O.O wow way to find them Jodi. I still need comfort and I need a good friend to lean on their shoulder and just cry and i need someone to hold me. Im going back to statesboro tonight to hang out and maybe that will help me feel better. My stomach is twisted in knots and i don't know if its from my period, having sex or because I'm nauseaus(SP) as fuck from being so worried and nervous or maybe its a combination of all those things and it sucks majorly. I'm trying to keep my excitement at bay as well as my feelings that i tend to wear on my sleeve. We're just hanging out, friends, we're sleeping together but we're not seeing anyone else that's the deal....just hanging out and we'll see where things go. No arguing or I'll lose him, so let him do whatever he wants to do. No matter how stupid it is. I need to take a nap before I go back to the boro so I can stay up late again...I need someone to tell me what to do, but I don't want to hear it, I need a little guidance, like how to take things slow and not be judgemental and not argue and be happy with what I have even though it's not what I want. I don't want to get hurt again, I want to be completely happy again, but we're just hanging out...can't I be happy with that?
Mood: SICK
Music: Hate Me - Blue October
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I hate it
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September 12, 2008, 11:03:am
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I hate that both VF and myspace DELETE journal entries when they get too old. i had a lot of important shit in my journals that i wanted to find again and it's bullshit! Other than that the reason I'm writing is lonliness has finally hit me. Yes I am talking to someone but I can't see him often like I would want to. I need the comfort of touch, i need compassion, i need love, i need it, i crave it. I want someone to fall head over heels for me again and fast...i don't like being by myself anymore....i need someone. I need my old guy friends who would just let me lay on their shoulder without trying anything..i need the comfort of a hug or a finger through my hair...i need Sean or Matt, or even Chris to comfort me and tell me that I'm beautiful and any guy would be lucky to have me...i need that. I'll quit moping now. Later.
Mood: numb
Music: none
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Update
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September 04, 2008, 02:42:pm
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So its been a long time since i wrote in my VF journal, i typically write on myspace but things are safer here because everyone on myspace is so nosey and likes to spread your business. not many people know me that well on here >.> SO I'm talking to a guy named Thomas right now and we are going to meet Saturday ^_^ I'm so excited but nervous at the same time..only problem is I have a boyfriend right now that is a complete douchebag, he never calls, never invites me over, never comes to see me it's been two weeks since I've talked to him all I think he wants is sex and he can just find that elsewhere I think...but I don't know how to tell him that it isn't working...i don't think he'll care but we grew up together and i don't want things to be bad between us. I should just be like "hey you're a douchebag" ha ha. Fucker. I worked almost forty hours this week, yay! Hopefully my check will be enough to pay the light bill that is $235. O.O yea that's way high for me. Ok i guess that's my update its time to go to work. later.
Mood: excited
Music: none
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Overdue
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June 09, 2008, 12:28:pm
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It's been a long as time since I wrote in my VF journal, since OCTOBER to be exact. I feel things are safer here than on freakin' MYSPACE because Myspace is full of fake people who pretend to be your friend just to be nosey ass fuckers and spread your shit. KEEP MY NAME OUT OF YOUR MOUTH! >.> Anyhow the newest shit with me: Me and My boyfriend of 2 years broke up this March and have been trying to keep a friendship intact since. We talk every now and then and even sometimes hang out but its hard for me, not for him. He has been enjoying being single and having the time of his life hitting up clubs, bars, parties and the like. Then there's me, a little internet obsessed, workaholic, homebody who refuses to go out into the real world and actually "meet" someone. Why can't someone just slap me in the face? I don't want to go "meet" people, i dont' like people...typically i meet guys through friends and such but i don't even hang out with any of my friends. I'm too busy with work and managing this house. I have become the mother and have to keep it clean and paid for. As far as the internet world goes, I am mostly on myspace so if you are interested in keeping in contact with me my url is http://www.myspace.com/Jodif. It will ask you to enter my last name before you can add me, it's Fitzpatrick. On the VF note I am trying to keep the cult Teenage Outcasts alive and would love for some of my online friends to join and help me with its activity. So far mainly my staff is active but no one else, i want a new layout and a full set of new threads, I'm fixing to be twenty and wont be a teenager anymore, i've thought about handing the cult over but i've changed my mind. I want the teens to liven up the cult from all of us old farts ROFL but we scare them all off so i need help keeping it happy and lively. I think I've written enough today but its nice to be able to spill my thoughts onto the screen once again. ta ta for now
Mood: bored
Music: none
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