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Annihilateeverything's Journal
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November 05, 2008, 01:32:am
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Sometimes things in life have a funny way of working out. I dont understand it but my life is on the best trak it has ever been on. For some reason going to prison has changed my life for the better. I mean now that I am out I am getting good treatmen formy problems and feeling better about my life with the help of medications. and this apprentaship has helped me in so many ways I cant even count. And that alone has made the biggest difference in my life. My work is a place where I feel needed and safe. somewhere that I can be myself and express myself creatively like I have never been able before.Ive learned more in my 9 months of working there then I have learned in my whole 12 years of schooling. The way I am drawing now is a 300% increase in how I was drawing before, and more ideas of what to draw are coming then ever before. Its like my mind is in a totally diferent place now. I can think more clearly and more posatively. And on top of all that I am learning a trade. Something I can make a career out of. and I love doing it. I couldnt be happyer with my life right now. and For the first time inmy life I can say that I am truely happy. Though I get a bit lonely at times, I know that I can go into my shop and I am aroun people who care about me. And I have both of my bosses to look up to like father figures. They both seem to have taken a special interest in me, and its at a time in my life then I couldnt need it any more then I do now. Especially Boomer. He even tells me that he thinks of me like a daughter. I dont know right now. The way my life is going is confusing tome now. My mind being so used to being treated badly is not used to this happyness that the world is throwing me.
Mood: gratefull
Music: the thought running through my mind
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Im writing this one just to save something I wrote before..
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May 27, 2008, 12:12:am
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Life is a fickle thing that changes day to day.. It is not concrete. You never know what will await you.. Something you think will happen may not, and something you never expected may happen instead. You may be sad when you shouldnt be, or happy when you think that you should be morbidly depressed. So many things in life are unexpected, and you cant base your life around what you think will happen. You may die today, you may loose a limb, become paralised, or comatic.. You may loose someone you care about.. Or you may fall in love, win the lottory, and be generally happy.. so many different things are possible that when people "know" something it is silly, because one never really "knows" anything.. So many things are dissproved along the years... So many beleifs are tested and new things being learned.. Life is such a random thing that there is nothing that can tell you how your next day is going to go. you may wake up in the morning with an "its good to be alive" attitude, then walk out the door and get hit by a truck severing your nerves and limbs so that your a vegitable.. then while your lying with tubes stuck down your throat and your family around you.. the doctor asking your spouse whether or not to take you off life support, and she says no, not knowing that your whole body feels like its on fire, and you cant move or speak to show any reaction.. Is it good to be alive then.. Or even the opposite, you may be in a coma for 20 years, and wake up one day feeling better then ever.. You wished you were dead that whole time, and now you dont know what to think..
Life.. its just pointless chaotic randomness.. it never ends with you.. it ends with none..
I am acctually kind of interested in someone so I will see how that works out...
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The Universe..
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May 25, 2008, 12:56:pm
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Last night me and my freind stayed up talking about the universe, and contomplating its many possibilities.. Throughout this discussion we went over a few theorys and notions about the big bang and other theory's about what the universe really is.. Well This journal entry is going to be my thoughts, and hypothosies on this subject and one other when I get to that..
First off I have to state that there is only one universe.. The term universe was created to mean everything, not just the planets and the galaxys, but everything.. When people talk about "alternate universes" I think of it in terms of dementions, there is only one universe.. It holds everything. So moving on.
When me and me freind were discussing this we had alternate oppinions on the acctual concept of the universe. My oppinion is that everything within the universe has a begining and an end. So there for the universe is not infinate. though you may misunderstand me on this. I am talking in forms of theoretical distance, and how polarity works.. The universe has one point. The point that started the universe in the begining. That everything is moving away from. If an explosion happens, and there are not objects to stop it, and no gravity to hold it into place, then that explosion will go out into every direction, the force of which creates its own gravity just by the sheer speed at which it is exploding. And when every point of every direction is covered you have a sphere.
Everything in this universe is made up of spheres, Every planet, every star, and every peice of matter that is attracted to anything. It all circles around one point. Atoms are spherical by design, and so are molecules. which only backs up the point that I am about to make even more.
If everything in the universe is a sphere, and the universe started in one point, then wouldnt the universe follow the same pattern. Now If your following me thusfar you will see how the spheres tie into my non infinity point.
Think of the universe as a bubble. There are many particals within this bubble, but they are all enclosed within. Now think about being inside that sphere, and having absolutely nothing outside of it. Looking at it this way the universe isnt going on infinatally, it is only going as far as it has had a chance to go. Which means that there is an end. Now instead of seeing it from the outside we are within, there is no outside of it. Its just that.
Now the universe is constantly expanding, yes. This is true, but still there is an ending point to it. Now remember Im talking in the travel aspects of things. Now because we are all expanding from one central point we are constantly traveling in the sphyrical motion. being attracted to the center. This gives us the illusion of infinity.
Now many of you are probably saying thinking that I am contradicting myself in saying that we are in a sphere but there is an end point. But I didnt say that the ending had to be a stoping point where you cant go any further. The end can also be the begining, and In my theory everything starts and stops at the same point.
Taking this in a smaller scale to prove my point. Think of the earth. Now. If our planet lived forever (I will come to time later in this) then eventually we would run out of changes that it could make without repeating them in variouse combinations, but mathmatically different combinations of any set of events, or numbers has an end. so if the planet were to reach this end, but the planet is still living.. What would it do?? would it just stop changing.. NO!.. It would start to repeate the same cycles as it did before, now what does that mean. Either everything would have died out and the planet would start from scratch or we would start devolving, and once we got back to the begining point we would start all over again. So in either of these scenerio's we would enevitably be starting back from the begining of it all. As history always repeats itself no matter what history your talking about.
This starting stopping point works with everything, light, energy, waves, matter, its all based on that "gravitational pull" that holds the universe together. Think of a line. Not a "segmant" but a real line. lines can go on infinatally if they hit no stopping point.... WRONG!.. lines in my sphyrical universe would eventually make a circle. and there in lies the ending begining. Once again I am talking in distance. Now there are 2 exceptions to this rule. Time and Energy.
Endings. Everything has endings, except time.
Time is what I am really interested in sharing, time is the only thing that never began and never ends. It was there before the Universe, and will be there eternaly. Time is everything and nothing at all. Time is the key to everything.
[I am done writing this for now, but I will get to time, and eventually dementions in the next few posts. Beleive me folks This is only the very begining of my throeys and explaining them is going to take alot. Thank you for reading. ]
Mood: briliant
Music: -
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