At work, one of the dancers asked if I was gay because it comes off th
May 22, 2012, 03:48:pm
She was very surprised to here I was married to a man but wasn’t surprised to hear that he’s not a “manly man” *insert necessary man grunts* (haha, inside joke with a friend of mine)
……side note: Why do I keep finding out that all these dancers didn’t know I was married? I talk about my husband all the damned time. o.O
(And now…..the rest of this post is going to be TOO MUCH INFORMATION. So, read at your own risk. I’m really only writing this for my own sake.)
In general, yes I am attracted to women more than I am to man; always have been. And other than those celebrities that make my ovaries feel like they’re going to explode, and the occasional (very rarely) smokin’ hot stranger, I’m actually not very attracted to men at all….at all. Mitchell is literally the only exception, obviously, lol.
To be completely honest, even before Mitchell, there were very few men that I’d met online/in RL that I thought about sexually.
And now part of me feels like a littttttle bit of a bitch because I’m thinking back to my sex life with my ex and how much of how our sex life went validates all of this. I’m not going to pretend I wasn’t sexually attracted to him, I was. Of course. But it was very, very mild. Sex actually hurt most of the time because of how turned on I WASN’T. I bitched about how often we had sex…and look at me now…. I used the excuse of “I don’t want to spend all of our time having sex.” While part of that was an honest reason for my bitching, it seems now that that wasn’t the only reason. hell, when he gave me permission to be with another girl, I JUMPED ALLLLLLL OVER THAT SHIT. Had something not been missing in our relationship and our sex life, I wouldn’t have jumped on that chance at all. And going back to my point for this paragraph-thing, I think the bit of sexual attraction I had for him was simply because I’d just been introduced to sex and it was great to not have to do things myself, AND I really did, honestly care about him. So it was a romantic-sexual attraction I guess, but not the same kind of romantic-sexual attraction I hold for my husband. This….isn’t making any sense… But it makes sense in my head, so I guess that’s all that matters? Dear lord, I suck at writing what’s in my head.
I don’t even notice men out in public, I just don’t. At the Ev/Shinedown concert I went to, there was a guy who I thought was smoking fucking hot. Again, ovary-exploding hot. The kind of hot where if he didn’t have a supermodel gorgeous girlfriend and I wasn’t married, I’da been all over him like white on rice. But, guess what? He was EXTREMELY effeminate. Like.. I thought this gorgeous girl had a killer-hot girlfriend when I saw him from behind. The other guys at the concert? Pfft, paid them no attention. Just tried to get in front of them so I could get closer to Amy Lee before I had a heart attack.
So, this is all really interesting. I’m still “bisexual”/”biromantic” of course, but now that feels like an odd name to call whatever my sexuality is.
I don’t like masculine men, I just don’t. Never have. Ever. But I like feminine and masculine women. I absolutely love androgynous anybody….you’re super sexy in my eyes if I can’t tell what your gender is just from glancing at you. Is there a name for that? Because I’m extreeeeeeemely fucking feminine, not androgynous in the slightest.
(Teehee, but after a couple conversations in the past month or so..and one conversation early today.. I’m %99.999999 sure I would have NO problem AT ALL swapping “gender roles” in the bedroom… >.> <.< )
I saw Evanescence on tuesday..... I've seen videos of them live where they weren't super great... But they were fucking perfect. I've been waiting eight years to see them... And I was not disappointed in any way. It was one of the best sets I've ever seen.... And I wasn't even ten feet away from Amy... I cried....quite a bit because I was so fucking happy and emotional. When they pulled that piano out, I was a train wreck. ♥ It's definitely on my list of "most amazing nights of my life."
Art of Dying and Shinedown opened for them. Shinedown as a fuck ton better than the last time I saw them, and they were great when I saw them the first time. And Art of Dying kicked ass and had incredibly amazing personalities. Meeting them was also a great experience, I love bands like them. They were so dead set on meeting everyone they could, it made me proud and that was the biggest reason I wanted to go home and get their music.
But Evanescence was definitely my favorite part of the night... I can't even begin to describe how magical and emotional of an experience that was. Jesus. ♥
It's one I've been planning for a few years now. ♥ And I'm going to get my ears re-pierced soon. And I'm thinking about getting a few microdermals soon. And I'm thiiiiinking about getting my nipples pierced.. Maybe.. I saw beautiful bars that had gorgeous masquerade masks on them.. And I'd never considered getting my nipples pierced until I saw those bars. But now that I'm thinking... and this probaby IS too much information.... Any time I was wearing bars, I wouldn't be able to be bitten. :c Okay... now this is a problem, lol. Seriously. And now I know this is TMI but, too late. I'm ranting on about nothing. I actually don't know if I can handle that just for something that looks good. I do know I want my tongue pierced. And my belly button.
But the tattoos and my ears are what matter the most right now. :3
I'm in a bittersweet "I miss my husband" kind of mood tonight.
April 20, 2012, 02:01:am
I listened to my song a million times, went through the photos I have of him and I together, and went and sat in the bed of his truck again. I tend to do that. It’s, I guess, my “me time” spot now. other than his old swing and this little hammock we have outside. I prefer the truck or swing though. <3
I really can’t wait until June and July. And….I really, really can’t with until November/December.
