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Aliradan_the_Dead's Journal
Words of a Contorted Mind.
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The Worm.
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August 16, 2008, 02:12:pm
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Deep inside this body
Dwells a creature so vain and vile
It tears apart the insides
Breaks this constant smile
It creeps around this being
Brings it to its knees
Causing this body to shutdown
From the top to the bottom
No efforts to please
This worm inside this body
Has eaten through this heart
Through every single vein
It has torn this heart apart
With that it will not stop
Oh how it shall go on
Till all that holds importance
Has been ripped away
This worm's insane intentions
Lead it to eviscerate the organs
They erupt through the naval
And leak onto the floor
Brings this body to its death
Through apparent blood and gore
This worm inside this body
Has eaten through this heart
Through every single fucking vein
It has torn this heart apart
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Lost Inside My Head.
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July 23, 2008, 03:05:am
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Fallen, I get up and look around. Nothing I see do I recognize with any recollection. Where am I? I can’t really see anything in front of me, my eyes have become weak. I keep reaching for some sort of comfort, that which I am unable to find. I move forward, through the darkened blurs that have become my vision. I call out in front of me yet hear no replies. I call again, this time I hear only a distant mutter, but cannot clearly understand what is said, if anything. I call out again, but before I finish a loud shrieking noise combined with one of the blurs moves fast toward me and knocks me onto the ground. Not knowing exactly what the hell happened I look around in search of what this blur was. I can only see outlines of shapes, no details at all. In the back, in a corner, I see two glowing lights. They keep flickering and then disappearing in a repetitive pattern. I turn to walk toward where the mutter came from and as I turn I am yet again knocked onto the ground. The walls begin to shriek and curse me, I hear voices coming from every which side, and here I am holding my ears not knowing what to expect for I can see all of nothing. I stand up, pushing through the loud shrieks directed at me I make my way down the only path that has been made apparent to me. The temperature begins to drop and the path begins to narrow. I follow it until I reach a dead end and the only way out is back the way I came. I took a step back. The next thing I knew there was a large click and the dead end became an extended part of this path. Not wanting to turn around and go all the way back the way I came, I entered the hole and fell into another endless pit of darkness. This time there was no sound, no shrieks, no anything, just pitch black. My eyes soon adjust to the darkness, but also begin to manifest figures in the darkness around me. I want out, I want to be in the light again so I walk forward into nothing. I cannot see where I am, what I am, nothing at all. I walk forth again into the dark and I fall into a hole. I keep falling for what seems to be an eternity, then suddenly I hit the ground. Fallen, I get up and look around. Nothing I see do I recognize with any recollection. Where am I? I can’t really see anything in front of me, my eyes have become weak from the prolonged exposure to the dark. I keep reaching for some sort of comfort, that of which I am unable to find. I stand up and move forward through the darkened blurs that surround me. I call out and hear a distant mutter, that reminiscent of a scream. I call out again and hear the scream. I call out many more times, only to come to realize that the scream I hear is merely my echo. I am lost in this hole, I cannot find my way out. I keep telling myself that I will find a way out, but deep down inside I’m not so sure I will. Lost and alone, no one here to comfort me, I stand once again and begin flailing my arms and legs every which way to maybe find a wall or some structure to guide my way. My fingers brush something that could possible turn out to be a wall, so I run toward the direction that the feeling came from. I keep running, but hit nothing. This is when I begin to get scared. What did I touch? Or rather…what touched me? I feel around once more and eventually come to what I think is a wall. I follow this wall until I come to a corner and follow that wall on and on. It seems I am led around in a square figure but the air around me gets lighter and lighter and easier to breathe in. The dark becomes lighter and lighter until I can almost make out everything around me. I see light! I run toward the opening and hit what appears to be a very thick glass. My excitement begins to suffocate me as I run out of air to breathe. I kick and punch and ram the glass in efforts to break it but all my effort proves unworthy, for nothing seems to happen. I take a few steps backwards and I trip, falling hard into another hole. . Fallen, I get up and look around. Nothing I see do I recognize with any recollection. Where am I? I can’t really see anything in front of me, my eyes have become weak from the prolonged exposure to the dark. I keep reaching for some sort of comfort, that of which I am unable to find. I stand up and move forward through the darkened blurs that surround me. This has become the never-ending cycle which has consumed me. I’m stuck…I have come to terms with this fact and have to face myself. I am lost, inside my head. This is my mind and this is me. I’ve tried to come out of this many, many times. The honest truth is…I’m not mean to. Not until I realize, myself, who I am inside and out. As of now I am still lost, trying to figure out who I’m meant to be and what I’m meant to do. Maybe that’s my problem…maybe I’m lost inside my head because I have been trying to hard to figure out who I am and have been letting every opportunity pass me by. I hear a loud noise, that reminiscent of a shockwave. No longer is everything black and I can finally see…no longer am I lost inside my head. Have I finally realized who I’m supposed to be? That I have…me.
Mood: Placative.
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Hoyzt in Ekthaaft.
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June 10, 2008, 02:23:am
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Hoyzt war zahr zahhhhrr gaal ahaha. Ekh hab ej vreindin øs Doitschlend ongekallt ond wir sprekkte long eh^^. Ekh waan ageen mei zji sprekken! Ahah gluib ekh mer dat zji mejn kok waant eh *schtols* waal zji hat mer et gesegt lol ak ond waan ekh zjejn scheede ehhh ahaha. De kulste ding öba zji sin dat sji is zo verföckte nett je. Ekh maag zji zo zahr weel. Valescht koennen wâr oonz troffen in de futur. Ekh hopfe mer. Zaaaaaa zjiiiiii sin zo heit! ekh waan zji föcken!! mei mejn luug kok c^c ahaha.
Gluib ekh mer dat allung sin!
Mood: Vröjlik
Music: Breaking Benjamin - Folg Mich
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Behind Glass Walls.
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February 16, 2008, 05:54:pm
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In these days of disgrace
Memories torn from the mind
Not allowed to feel pain
Not allowed to be vain.
You see everyone on the outside
As your stuck inside those pretty glass walls
An excellent token, held in keep
Having no recollection of your past
You watch them shuffle out in the open
Moving around, taking life for granted
So did you, before the now
Vain and vile were you as well
Caring not for what you'd done
Wasting life away for fun
That's what you did
Oh that's what you did
In the days like today
Here you are stuck behind glass
Secluded from the world
No escape, no escape
Clash you do with your fate
Oh, how you clash with your dismal fate
This world you see, cannot see you
For you're stuck behind this immense wall
Between what is true and what is not
And you my dear are what is not
You've lied, you've fallen
You've cried, you're all alone
Plain in sight, yet hidden so well
Remember you not
Oh, you remember not
Lost so long and you've been forgotten
For you never, for your hatred, atoned
This can end with a simple "I'm sorry"
But you remember it not, so this cannot be
Until the day, when they who you've loved
Catch the shimmer off your glass walls
This day may never come, oh beautiful one
This day may never come...
Mood: Dielikotfukchetsihttoufoehr
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Perpetual Nothingness.
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December 02, 2007, 12:53:am
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Wenn das Licht niemehr hell ist. (When the light is no longer bright)
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November 30, 2007, 07:15:pm
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Alles scheint fein (Everything seems fine)
Aber es nicht fein ist (But it is not fine)
Das Licht scheint hell (The light seems bright)
Aber es nicht hell ist (But it is not bright)
Fühl' Ich jetzt achso einsam (I feel so alone now)
Einsam bin ich (Alone am I)
In die Dunkelheit (in the dark)
Rette mich (Save me)
Rette mich (Save me)
Das Licht scheint hell (The light seems bright)
Aber es nicht hell ist! (But it is not bright!)
Hast du das Licht gesehen? (Did you see the light)
Wenn es hell war... (When it was bright..)
Aber jetzt es nicht ist! (BUT NOW ITS NOT!)
Ich sah auch das Licht (I also saw the light)
Wenn es hell war (When it was bright)
Ich hab so prima gefühlt (I felt so great)
Aber bin ich jetzt so allein (But now I am so alone)
Kann das Licht wieder hell bekommen? (Can the light become bright again?)
Oder bin ich für immer in die Dunkelheit? (Or am I in the darkness forever?)
Ich bin was ich bin (I am what I am)
Es kommt wie es kommt (It comes how it comes)
Schlecht oder Schrecklich (Bad or worse)
Prima oder Fabelhaft (Great or Marvelous)
Alles egal ist (Everything is all the same)
In dem Ende (in the end)
Das Licht niemehr hell ist (The Light is no longer bright)
Es sieht so kalt aus (it looks so cold)
Und scheint wie die Teufel (And seems like the devil)
In die Dunkelnacht (In the dark night)
Und in unser Hasse (And in our hate)
Wir sind allein, klar (we are alone, clearly)
Wir streiten für freiheit (We struggle for freedom)
In die Dunkelheit so allein (In the dark so alone)
Wir brauchen recht (We need justice)
aber wir haben das nicht (But we have it not)
Kein mitleid (No Pity)
Für Uns (For us)
Wenn Das Licht niemehr hell ist... (When the light is no longer bright)
Rette mich! (SAVE ME!)
Rette mich! (SAVE ME!)
Komm du zu mir! (COME TO ME!)
Rette mich! (SAVE ME)
Komm bitte komm (Come, please come)
Und rette mich von dieser Hölle... (And save me from this hell)
Weil ich einsam bin...(becuase I am alone)
Wenn das Licht niemehr hell ist.. (When the light is no longer bright...)
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Into the Depths of Nothing
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November 29, 2007, 09:17:pm
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Living life day to day
Putting more and more weight
On one's shoulders of purity
Cast the shame
Cast the humility
Cast it all away
Spread your wings
Reach for hope
Reach for the future
Seeing nothing but torture
Held deep in exile
One's mind too diverse
For any to comprehend
Left in the dark
For hope that this oddity
Would soon dissipate
But quite on the contrary
Did this ever so creative mind do
A path it set swiveled in that of the opposite
Downward it went into the black
Into the darkness of its own despair
Twisting and unwravelling
Much more than anticipated
This mind has flowed
Ever so deep into the depths
Where those are not shamed
Nor shunned for their odd
They are quite what they are meant to be
That of the diverse
Not those of the conformities
Contorting itself into itself
Unwinding thoughts of inner tranquilities
Spread these wings
Ignite these fires
Cast this mind
Into the depths
These depths of the odd
These depths of the diverse
Let the mind be cast
Into the Depths of Nothing.
Mood: Creative.
Music: None.
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