Sometimes i wonder what is true.. Things said in private? Or things posted so everyone else can see?
This argument can easily go two ways. It seems that once this thought came into my head it can not stop bickering back and forth between the two,
On one hand, things said in private can be shared easier. Say you are speaking to your spouse about something that has been on your mind. Something you can not tell anyone for fear of your ideal being rejected, or looked down upon. This one person, you trust more then anyone. Obviously, you would open up to this person but to the general public you will simply reply, "I'm fine.", "It's nothing."
Why would someone want their personal business being told to everyone? In that sense I would believe that the private stories are most valid.
However, on the other hand, in private there is no one to challenge a situation or a feeling. No one to witness, or remember anything being said. Someone could very easily take this opportunity and lie. Say a boyfriend is cheating on his girlfriend. She catches him with a girl at a movie theater and gets enraged. He of course, takes her aside and casually explains it is his sister. Though everyone else in the theater saw him and said female kissing and flirting, once in private there is no one to say anything to deny his excuse. Also, there is no one to witness what he is saying to his girlfriend and when he returns to his "sister" he can merely explain to her it is his "ex" girl friend who has some mental issues. In privacy, it is the easiest way to lie.
With both of these thoughts circling my head I question if someone could be honest in either situation. Perhaps both are lies and the truth lay buried in their skulls, to be found by no one.
This brings me to the dull, and cliched conclusion that everyone MUST be lying to me, if it be in private or in public. There must be no way to believe in either because both pose logical reasoning behind them and both are so easily executed that I can not believe one is not using these very techniques in combination to create the perfect story teller.
How could one expect my trust if one consistently contradicts one's self? This very problem of a human paradox walking in front of me is why I am constantly so obsessive, excessive, and a bit possessive. It is also why i refuse to lie.
Not to mention I do not see the point of it. If someone as simple as me could have come up with such a conclusion, and even mapped out how one could conduct such behavior so effortlessly it must be vaguely easy to get your self caught up. In fact I have never met anyone whose lies were not eventually uncovered, or revealed. In the long run the unveiling of a lie is often much much worse then original truth telling.
I have mostly been on the painful side of this spectrum and see the damages both sides can inflict. The confusion, the distrust, the burning ache of knowing you have been lied to, it almost over powers the entire lie it's self. In quite honest, I would much rather one tell me that they have cheated on me and be able to move on with my life then spend all this time wondering, and then finally finding out that I have been played a fool for so and so amount of time.
Ugh. Oh well. At least after venting all of this into the endless void of a computer hard drive I feel a bit of relief. Now the only question left lingering is: Why is humanity full of such ignorant people? Everything I wrote is so simple and yet I know that even those who read this will not change anything about their daily lives, and though I'm sure this one who spurred this train of those has felt the consequences of his actions I highly doubt he will ever learn from them. Not to mention my self. Upon realizing such a thing as I just stated I still am not changing anything about my life, or my actions. I am still going to sit here like a naive child and wait for said human to do the same predictable things to me, and each time I will be just as shocked, just as disgusted, and just as hurt. Why. Why must we all be so bluntly, horribly ignorant? Mood: Pensive
A few things out of my paper journal, scattered, random, thoughts of mine.
Why do we get dressed up when we always feel ugly, Why do we try when we only seem to fail, Why do we smile when we only want to cry, And why do we love when were only destined to die? --- this one is a letter to someone special, and a bit personal.
You know, I always believed if you love someone, like really love someone you "know." You'll "know" when something bad happens to them, if anything happens to them. You'd "know" if they were dying, or hurting. It happens in ever major love movie, someone is hurt and their lover runs to them, as if angels were real and could carry you to them in perfect time. When my close friend Jonjon died, I felt nothing. There was no change in the world, no monumental emotion, unexplainable miracle, nothing. I still feel like he could be alive somewhere. Nothing has changed. The same thing happened with my best friend from early high school Jamie. It took me almost a year to even find out she had passed away. The world just went on. Still, I believed if I was home and you were out, if anyone came to hurt me, by some miracle you would just "know" and save me. Like a super hero. But as I lay there, fighting him off, you never opened the door. I kept looking at the door, waiting for you to rush in, but you never came. And for the first time, I asked myself "How? How could you love me? Why didn't you save me? Do you love me at all?" I wondered, where was my knight in shining armor? He was busy with his new princess as I curled into a ball and cried. My faith in you, in god, in this "magical power of love" withered away as no one heard me scream. I was alone because you left, and though our love is still here, and it was not your fault. I blamed you, and I'm sorry for that. I don't think I can ever believe again. The innocence, naivety, and everything pure, and optimistic about me was ripped out at that moment. Every day, it flashes into my mind. I see you with her, and him on me and just as fast as it came I push it back into my head, buried away. My biggest fear is that one day it wont go back in my head, and I'm not sure what will happen to me. I just hope, when that happens, you will be there. If not to save me from him, to save me from myself.
i just miss someone that i shouldn't miss in the blink of an eye one stupid night a stupid fight One single word turned good bye it was gone friendship and all Long long gone Faded black on my wall i just miss someone that i shouldn't miss One moment with this guy One month in my life One single word turned good bye One change to stop the knife You were just passing by But there's one thing that you have to know You took my breathe away Dreamt of a time you wouldn't go You filled my heart with happiness every day brought back a part of me that i thought had died a little part of me that i thought would never stay From all those crazy nights that Id cried from all those words that you'd never say Made me feel like myself once more like it was easy to live and easy to give Made me feel like I could soar i just miss someone that i shouldn't miss A moment in life time held still One month in my life that i can not heal One time I cant believe was ever real i just miss someone that i shouldn't miss A moment with that one friend A moment I wish had no end A moment I wish I could spend A moment I wish I could have again i just miss someone that i shouldn't miss
