|
66loopyx3's Journal
my journal is me speaking my mind.
|
|
=/
|
October 05, 2008, 01:19:pm
|
|
I'm not good enough.
That's the end.
It's just going to take time
for my broken heart to mend.
I cried time after time,
but everything's still the same.
I don't mean much.
To you, this is just a game.
I can only blame myself
to fall for a jerk like you.
You took my heart
and broke it in two.
You go and live your life.
Have fun without me.
I'll be depressed
but I'll cover it up so no one will see.
I'm going to pretend to be happy.
I'll pretend everything's good.
I'll pretend everything's perfect
like it should.
You have control over me
and have me crying within a moment.
But then you have me laughing
at one silly comment.
Why did I fall for you?
You only caused me to cry.
You make me want to throw up.
You make me want to die.
But you give the best hugs.
You also make me smile.
You're so fun to talk to.
But is it worth the while?
Moving on is hard.
Especailly because it's you.
I'm so confused.
I want someone to tell me what to do.
I fell hardest for you.
But you didn't care.
She's just better than me.
That's just not fair.
You asked her out,
that was just the start.
When you kissed her,
my heart fell apart.
How many times can I break
before I shatter?
You don't understand,
because it doesn't matter.
I can't do anything.
You've made up your mind.
But as for me,
I'll never again be fine.
My heart will feel empty
like it never has before.
You hurt me so much
and I don't want to take it anymore.
You made me feel ugly.
You made me feel dumb.
You made me feel hurt.
You made my body numb.
After I fell so hard,
and fell so fast,
how do I get over you?
So the pain doesn't last.
Yes, I want to friends.
Yes, I want you in my life.
Yes, I still like you.
I know this isn't right.
I'll take small steps
and take things slow.
I don't expect you to feel the same way,
Atleast I know that now.
Another thing I learned,
is that it wasn't meant to be.
Of coursed it wasn't,
because it's me.
Things will be different
from how it was at the start.
Oh, and don't mind me...
You just broke my heart.
|
|
|
hmf
|
October 05, 2008, 01:14:pm
|
|
I sit here alone wishing you were still here.
You were always here for me and I was always there for you.
Why did you go if what you said was true?
If you meant what you said, then why aren't you here?
You told me you would be here forever.
As long as I live..
But I can't take the pain and suffering you have put me through.
If you meant what you said then why aren't you here?
Through everything we've been through,
I thought it made us stronger.
But when you left,
There was nothing meant for me to live
Youwere mylightness
But nowall Isee isdarkness.
You were my happiness
But now all I see is sadness.
You were my everything,
But now...Now I have nothing
Nothing left because of you.
You said you were sorry it just wasn't meant to be.
And all I think is, How could you freakin' do this to me?!
I hate you so much I hate everything about you.
Through the time I've spent alone,
I start to feel better.
And then you come back
I'm back to seeing darkness
Back to seeing sadness
Back to having nothing
Because all the memories were starting to fade
And there back
All because of you!
|
|
|
Yesterday.
|
September 18, 2008, 10:53:pm
|
|
So, yesterday... was a bit shitty...
But, i am a LITTLE bit better, not alot but a Bit.
I did TRY and overdose, if i would have went to sleep, not call anyone,i would be dead right now. I took a bottle of aderal i got from a friend,and i took a bottle of these pills my mom uses to keep her calm and i took some other shit, But, i decided to call my friend Td and he came over,and he stuck his fingers down my mouth and made me puke them all up... I threw up idk how many times last night... He talked to me, i talked to him... he loves me [as a friend] and he told me in the long run it will all get better! So, hope-fully it will.
Yupps. I am refreshed... and i am going to start over agian with everything, i am going to be going to a differant school kinda,and there, for P.E they play Wii hah. I am also single now, and its kinda wierd but then again, fun. Very fun. I remember when i was single awhile ago and i liked it. Idk tho.. i still miss kyle, but oh well. Ill miss him, and i will wish that he changes his ways and evrything, but... i have got to move on. And i have already started to do that. I am a bit depressed but then again, very happy! =]
I also ran away for about a week, came home. ANd i didnt get my phone, the computer, or anything taken away... I can still go anywhere i want. I want to go up to the mall [the local hangout for all us teens] But, i know i will see kyle there, So i think it will be a good idea if i dont. =] hmmf. I also have a new job! already!
That means. MONEY! then, hatchet necklass! Then uhm... hehe. I keep silent about what else. hah.
I also still have a chance to get kyle in trouble with the police, if he keeps being a asswhole, ia m gonna.. .he needs to learn.
|
|
|
overdose.
|
September 17, 2008, 09:13:pm
|
|
So its thats simple. I want to die.
i am not being emo, i just really cant stand life anymore...
i really cant, i get hurt and blamed for everything i do,
i say the wrong things, at the wrong time, to the wrong people.
& i hate myself for it... right now i feel like i have nothing to live for
i just... cant breathe... and i hate it. I have no one right now... and..
idk what to do, but overdose...
Just to let everyone know, but dont make someone ur world, cuz when there gone u will have nothing. FACT PROVEN... by me.
|
|
|
so... Hmmmf.
|
September 09, 2008, 10:02:pm
|
|
I WILL NOT BE ON THE COMPUTER MUCH FOR A LITTLE WHILE. i know i havent been, but i really wont be as much... idk.
JOIN THE CULT FOR EH! machineKUNT
=D =D =D
Ohh... and... BYE BYE KANSAS!
|
|
|
