I hate it when I have a "best friend" who is a supposed "sister" to me, but she never wants anything to do with me. All over Facebook there are pictures of her and other friends but when I send her a message and ask how she is doing, I get a message back saying "We should hang out. You promised we wouldn't grow apart. We practically planned our lives together and we don't do anything with each other." Well, yea. We planned to build houses bottom up together and have children and get married about the same time. Oddly, we pretty much are going to be married about the same time but we don't share plans. I'd love for her to be there with me to pick things out for my wedding. She has other people to help with hers and I didn't even get a message that it was going to happen. I saw a status update something along the lines of "Picking out some dresses with my bridesmaids BLAH BLAH AND BLAH!!!" I wanted to send a comment of 'I didn't see my name on the list and I am supposed to be your sister'. But I am not horrible like that.
It hurts me to see her take pictures with all these other "close" friends of hers, but when we hang out (if we ever do) we never take pictures. I don't have a car right now and I live in the city. She has a car and time off when she could come down and visit sometimes. I'm kinda stuck here and she puts the blame on me like its my fault we don't do anything because I don't put forth the effort or something.
I wish I could find a girl friend to hang out with. Someone to go shopping with, do hair and makeup with - you know, the usual crap that girl friends do. Its hard to find people who are into the same shit as me, and live close enough to travel. Its cool having online friends, but I can't even get any of those! Being off work right now is tough and all I have is my fiancee. He's working on getting his friends in order and even working at making new ones. I know its not his fault I don't have anyone, and I appreciate his friends doing things with me too. But I need someone I can have as my own.
I'm done holding on to people who haven't made the effort to hold on to me too. Freshman year, I called my "sister" everyday and told her how miserable I was and I wouldn't find anyone to compare to her. I met a friend sophomore year and stuck with her clique til Junior year. I got a new boyfriend and hung out with his friends. Senior year, I got rid of everyone because they weren't what I was looking for. Now I have my fiancee in the city away from everyone.
It gets lonely sometimes when you have all the ghosts of the past to think of. And of all the times you COULD have done with someone you thought accepted you. I guess I'm not as fake as I thought I was all these years.. Mood: Lonely Music: Emilie Autumn - Dead is the New Alive
I really like these ones the most off thw GoodGoth.com website. Not really much to choose from, but they definitely had what I was looking for! Top three picks of mine: Vampire Ball, Dark Star and Moonlight Belle. Personally, I like the Moonlight Belle the most but I am still not so sure...
I cannot wait to open my own bakery. Yea, it is nice working at Walmart and I can see myself being here for a while - but truth is - it isn't where I want to waste my life. I want to open a bakery and call it "Batty's Bakery". All year round have Halloween treats that I make myself and alcoholic cakes I just learned to make . Cash is kinda tight right now to go to school, but I still want to. Hopefully the Art Institute of Chicago will accept me. I don't want to go to community college for baking.
I have everything all lined up. A book started for the special recipes, pictures included, and even how much I would price my stuff at. It helps that I do a lot of practice at home, but I would DIE to be on Cupcake Wars or something special like that. I need to have my business online but I know a lot of people who would want my cakes don't live locally. I don't have a car.
Too many set-backs for me. Sucks... Mood: Dreaming Against Odds Music: Nightwish - Last of the Wilds
People at my work need to butt out. Hovita was talking about how she thinks its too early for me to get pregnant with Nick. After all, we've known eachother a year in February. So what? I love him and this was a decision we made together. She tells me about a friend of her son's who got a girl pregnant he knew a year, missed prom cause they were having the baby, and now they cannot stand eachother. So? Whose to say Nick and I will be like that? I understand why Nick wants to keep quiet about all this and itMs starting to piss me off. Especially when I can't just walk away now. Christmas Eve, and people are so hostile. I have a lot to do tonight along with the party. :x hope there is enough time...