RIP to 1 of Post-Punk's defining Female Vocalists: Chrissy Amphlett
May 05, 2013, 01:37:am
RIP Chrissy Amphlett - She paved the way for female artists to break out of the stereotypical moulds.
She was the unique and amazing vocalist of Post-Punk New Wave Rock band DIVINYLS, from Sydney. They had a huge hit in USA and UK with "I Touch Myself" in the '90s. Their greatest music (imho) was in the early '80s with many top 50 singles in Australia.
Never defined as "goth" they're one of those post-punk bands who made music distinctly on the edge of what was later referred to as goth rock.
Many years ago I transformed my life by changing my thinking.
I grew up with a very negative fearful attitude which was passed on from my mother and her side of the family. But due to some life situations - an injury, illness and financial worries - I had to become my own boss (start a business) in order to survive. The only way to succeed with that (and many things) is to have a positive motivated "I can do it" attitude. But I had been conditioned with the opposite attitude.
With great diligence, study and daily effort I changed my thinking and eventually became financially self-sufficient. I created several businesses that I worked from home, mostly online. I have not needed to work a job for a long time. It was great, for a while...
For fate can be cruel - my mother died very slowly from lung & brain cancer (from cigarettes). I co-nursed her for around a year and the whole experience wrecked my life for many years. Of course, the obvious side of it (mother dieing) is enough to be very traumatic. But in terms of what I described above, her negativity was multiplied and she was very abusive telling me (often yelling like a demon) each day things like: "what a terrible useless disappointment you are..." (That's while I was giving up my life to look after her so she wasn't in a clinic). Apparently all she wanted was a trophy child, a doctor or lawyer with an educated pretty wife, that she could show off to her peers. My happiness, my goals and personal successes, did not matter to her. (I now know she had severe Narcissistic Personality Disorder - these people are poison! Research it). Her negative soul-sucking attitude almost destroyed me; it was like having my life-will sucked out by a vampire. Hence, everything I had built (confidence, self-respect, income, relationships) pretty much crumbled away because my good attitude crumbled into a bleak hopeless nihilism that lasted for years. I was kind of like a leftover drained barely alive victim of a vampire.
So here is a little article that explains some of the 'fundamentals' of how I became successful initially, by re-shaping my attitude, and how I have re-motivated myself to get back on track to the good place where I was. Hopefully it will be of use and interest to someone else ;-)
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"How to Put My Life on to a Better Path"
Our thoughts shape our actions.
Our actions create the results in our lives.
If I believe 'I can do it!' I can make it so by my actions.
Or if I say and believe 'I can't do it!' I will be correct by the lack of action.
+ Positive thoughts and attitude lead to motivation, productive actions, enthusiasm, self-respect and, eventually, the good results I want.
- Negative thoughts lead to despair, apathy, self-sabotage, paralysis and poor results.
The world around us can swamp us with negative messages: from the media, friends, relatives - all can lead to us into a negative attitude. In that mood one focuses on what's wrong and to feel hopeless.
We can need many positive messages to neutralise one negative message.
So how I can switch a negative "I can't" attitude into a positive "I can" attitude?
This simple but very powerful little game helps.
Do it each day - takes only 5 minutes - in a 'Gratitude Diary'.
A: Write a list of: "10 Things I am Grateful for Today."
B: Write a list of: "10 Things I Praise Myself for Today."
A: "10 Things I am Grateful for Today."
1/. My computer so I can learn so much so easily, communicate with cool people and get things done more easily.
2/. My friends Ia, Jo and James for sending nice messages today.
3/. The peace and quiet in the neighbourhood today.
4/. The grumpy angry woman at the store who caused me to reflect on how her sour attitude affects others and how they want to avoid her; so that I can strive to not be like that.
5/. The people who criticised the picture-message I posted on FB as it gave me really good feedback on how to improve for the future.
6/. The warm weather with overcast sky so I felt good while gardening
7/. The gas heater that keeps me warm at night.
8/. The people who said nice things about my art and websites.
9/. The shops where I can buy all sorts of healthy yummy food late at night when no-one's around.
10/. My friend who reacted angrily to my suggestion to her "whining": a) it shows she cares enough about me to respond and b) it also reminds me on how I can communicate more effectively by asking questions, to help her come to her conclusions/solutions, instead of me just stating them which raises many people's resistance and hostility.
B: "10 Things I Praise Myself for Today."
1/. Having 9 hours sleep
2/. Putting out food for the stray cat and clean water for the wild birds.
3/. Pulling weeds out of the garden and tidying up some other mess.
4/. Picking food from the garden before it's too ripe.
5/. Studying useful focused information for my income generation.
6/. Clearing out clutter: Sorting through piles of old clothes and choosing some to give or throw away.
7/. Doing yoga, going for a walk outside, sitting and watching the birds.
8/. Giving some sincere compliments to people.
9/. Working on my websites.
10/. Doing this list and feeling that I got many things done today.
Doing this list each day can produce feelings of gratitude and accomplishment. This helps to shift focus from looking at "what's wrong" and feeling hopeless, to a focus of looking at "what's right", feeling motivated and doing more useful activity. From this right foundation comes the motivation to achieve more (of what I want in life) and the belief that I can achieve it.
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In closing, remember that:
- Many people have great experience and wisdom they are happy to share, especially if you show respect and ask questions about their lives. Pay most attention to people who have achieved a particular goal and find out what they did to succeed. This is the short cut.
- Be wary of 'vampires and trolls' - those who make you feel hopeless, demotivated, drained, miserable and down on yourself. Remember that 'misery loves company' and they want you to fail so that they feel OK about wallowing in their pit. Be wary that attitudes are contagious. Be wary around people with sour miserable attitudes; how they can shift your attitude from positive to negative. Observe them but don't become like them. For we easily become like the people we hang around with the most. Some people you can help if they want to help themselves. If you know where a ladder is you can show them. But some don't even want that even though they make a lot of noise. What they like is the attention of making a miserable noise. Love them from a distance but don't let them drown you too. Be wary of the trap of 'co-dependency'.
- Strive to express a good positive attitude to yourself and to others: encourage and support people in their goals, dreams and ventures. Immerse yourself in information - reading, visuals and music - that encourages you to believe in yourself and work towards your goals.
A demisexual is a person who does not experience sexual attraction unless they form a strong emotional connection with someone. It's more commonly seen in but by no means confined to romantic relationships.
The term demisexual comes from the orientation being "halfway between" sexual and asexual. Nevertheless, this term does not mean that demisexuals have an incomplete or half-sexuality, nor does it mean that sexual attraction without emotional connection is required for a complete sexuality.
In general, demisexuals are not sexually attracted to anyone of any gender; however, when a demisexual is emotionally connected to someone else (whether the feelings are romantic love or deep friendship), the demisexual [can then] experiences sexual attraction and desire, but only towards the specific partner or partners.
When describing demisexuality as an orientation to sexuals, sexuals often mistake it as an admirable choice rather than an innate orientation. Demisexuals are not choosing to abstain; they simply lack sexual attraction until a close relationship is formed.
According to one hypothetical model, a person who identifies as a demisexual does not experience primary sexual attraction but does experience secondary sexual attraction. In this model, primary sexual attraction is based on outward qualities such as a person's looks, clothes, or personality while secondary sexual attraction is attraction stemming from a connection, usually romantic, or from status or how closely the person is in relationship to the other.
Though factors such as looks and personality do not affect primary sexual attraction for demisexuals (since demisexuals do not experience primary sexual attraction), such factors may affect romantic attraction, as with any other orientation.
"Demisexual" is also sometimes used as a synonym for some other kind of person falling under the gray-A umbrella. Demisexuality differs from gray-asexuality in that demisexuality is a specific sexual orientation in between "sexual" and "asexual", whereas "gray-A" is a highly unspecific catch-all used for anything between sexual and asexual that does not fit.
Demisexuality may make forming romantic or sexual relationships more difficult for some people. Demisexuals often make first impressions with sexuals of being "just friends", which may make the sexual value the relationship less. Demisexuals often have rocky relationships with asexuals because the demisexual's feelings may become more sexualized with time, which the asexual may find inappropriate or unexpected. In either case, having a better understanding of one's own orientation and how it differs from one's partner's orientation may help facilitate communication to clear up misunderstandings.
"Body dysmorphic disorder (BDD, also body dysmorphia) is a type of illness where the affected person is concerned with body image, manifested as excessive concern about and preoccupation with a perceived defect of their physical features.
The person thinks they have a defect in either one feature or several features of their body, which causes psychological distress that causes clinically significant distress or impairs occupational or social functioning.
Often BDD co-occurs with emotional depression and anxiety, social withdrawal or social isolation.
The causes of body dysmorphic disorder are different for each person, usually a combination of biological, psychological, and environmental factors. Certain types of psychological trauma stemming from mental and physical abuse, or emotional neglect, can contribute to a person developing BDD..."
About treatment: "Studies have found that cognitive behavior therapy (CBT) is effective in the majority of cases."