You'd think after about... 6 of them being forgotton it'd stop hurting, but it hasn't. I waited all day for a text from you but got nothing. So I sent one just before midnight.
Its amazing how much something as a date passing by can upset me so much, I layed here and cried for a while, probably more than a while but I was too upset to notice. I just thought maybe you wanted 2 try make things better, that you'd want to go out and do something. Apparently not.
I remember someone from work im not even close with telling me she was so happy for me 2 finally find someone who loved me, and how happy I felt that it was true and we were together. If only it was still that way.
I flip over my pillow cos of the damp patch from my tears, only to find the other sides the same cos I've cried so much.
Things used to be so good, I was everything to you, your world, and then I became nothing. Not the important 'can't live without', just the, 'nice to have if needed'
Its been a while now and I still don't know what I feel. Or think. Or want.
The pain in my chest hasn't eased but has become a constant ache. Song lyrics pass through my mind about what I feel and wish I could have said it better myself. But I didn't.
The knowledge of being in a room with someone whom once adored you, but now doesn't is, to much to bare. and having to stay in the same house is just....
I still love but its just going out there and nothings being returned.
Im barely sleeping. Im not hungry but ill eat so u don't notice. I want, so badly, just to make this pain physical, but won't.
Im all alone. Im hurt. I have no love and no need. I will cry myself to sleep and hold in the screams that need to be heard.
We shouldn't have gone, we should have stayed and looked and then maybe he'd be here. But we went anyway and when we came back he was gone. And then a week later he was still gone.
She now walks about the house and searches but finds nothing. She sits and stares out the windows looking but not seeing. I call his name and she comes but we look at each other and know he hasn't heard. Or can't hear.
She's asking all the time where he is and all I can say is I don't know.
His bed is empty and his food bowl untouched.
I can't sleep anymore. And im too afraid to go outside by myself to search for him. And I want him back, so badly I want him back.
He says to me "what's your problem" and im not even sure I know. My stomach churns and my head feels light so I curl a little more into a ball. I hear his footsteps in the house and think to myself if he cares for me anymore. Things have changed from wence they started. Things have changed a lot. He walks out the front door and drives away, without a goodbye he just vanishes.I wonder to myself if I should vanish too... Mood: empty Music: none