despise almost everything.
If I had a shovel I'd dig myself a decent grave so I could suffocate quicker than I am in this room.
At least then I'd become decent compost and achieve something that isn't absolutely self-revolving.
I hate, HATE it when doctors or family state 'oh, you have no idea how strong you are or what you've accomplished! After all these years of self harm and substance abuse, you're still here! You dont need a uni degree, money or to be travelled to have self worth. BE proud"
ALRIGHT STOP RIGHT THERE BEFORE YOU HAMMER THE LAST NAIL.
Do they have any idea how selfish, shallow and pointless that makes me feel! And you know why? Because it is! I don't want my wasted existence to be glorified or to be turned into a positive. I dont want a life time of suffering to be 'an achievement to be proud of'.
And you know what kids? It doesn't get better. It only gets worse. You come to realise just how long life is and you've got to live with yourself day in, day out.
Head over heals, consuming, tongue numbing, lip chapping, heart beating in overdrive worship. I never thought it was possible to feel this way ever again.
Wait, I have NEVER felt this way before and I've been 'in love' a few times. Everything, I ever knew about anything is redundant and out the window.
