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VastReality's Journal

emotionally charged lies

i tell you what, right.

August 27, 2012, 09:20:am

Toasters, right, I tell you what. You just try making toast without one of those! What the fuck are you going to do? Well, you’re just going to have to buy one of those expensive ovens aren’t you?
Kettles – you just try boiling some water without one. – Not so easy now – is it smartypants?

Ovens – right – you try cooking a chicken without one of those – BRAINIAC – your gonna have to slice it up – and put it in a toaster - aren’t you? And by the time your done toasting that last slice of chicken – the first slice is going to be STONE COLD – you IDIOT!

There’s really nothing for it – you’re going to have to go out and buy all of those things aren’t you?

Imagine a pea the size of an apple – it’d be like a really horrible avocado wouldn’t it? Yuck,
Imagine an apple the size of a pea – your never going to get the cores out of them are you? What did you go and get them for?

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>>	5 comments

Important news concerning Doors.

August 23, 2012, 06:02:pm

Words of wisdom - 'when one door closes , another opens'.

You've probably heard this a good few times. Well, I've got some shocking news;

When one door closes – it has no bearing on another opening or closing whatsoever.
Because, you see; doors don’t work like that. Whoever put forward this notion, I think that their understanding of how a door works – is if anything - over complicated and far fetched.

Doors are made and installed, without some kind of connection between them, - there’s no pipes, cables or electric components in them. No microchips – nothing at all allowing it the capacity to check on the open/close status of other nearby (or far away) doors. – They’re not connected by a system of pulleys. They’re not magic either.

And frankly if doors were operating on that basis, it could make for some very embarrassing trips to the toilet. And some very unfortunate transatlantic flights. Some fucking downright tragic space shuttle launches. Some totally shocking deep sea exploration submarine journeys. And worst of all, some really really long episodes of ‘30 rock' , "mad men" , "tru blood" and other shows, that feature doors.

Mood: delusional

1 comment

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