Have you ever felt like rain? Singing the same old song. for days and days? Have you ever walked through haze? Getting so sick and tired of playing, these same old games? Well I've been there. And let me just stand up and say. That I've been through Hell and it's looking at lot like this world we live in. And now I pray, cause lord I'm so tired I just want to give in. Just let me lay... my head... down. Just let me lay... my head... down ... Just let me lay... my head ... down.... Just let me lay... my head... down...
These pieces have all been played. My bed for a while's been made. I'm looking at self these days, wondering when I'll wash away now. Don't cry when I'm gone. This damage has long been done. Now I'm finally accepting what I am. A memory of a man. A memory of a man. A memory of a man. a memory of a man. A memory of a...
These cuts run so deep. To say they will heal is almost profanity. This pain's too real, and the only solutions to muddy the water. I've been so blinded. The only senses remain are those that remind me oh so unkindly of what I once knew. The world, only see-through. A storybook fanatasy it's out of my hands you see. The things I've been through, a manifestation and... you. And now I'm through. And now I'm through.
One of the hardest things I've made as an "objective" to my path has been trying to lose my sense of self-importance. This of course being the theory that the world revolves around me. Everything has to happen to me. Nobody else can feel sad, mad, depressed, or blah. Just me.
I've been selfishly doddling on what makes my experiences unique and different instead of what makes them more "earthbound." I'm not the only person with these problems and I need to learn how to drop that theory that I don't have millions of people going through it every day and surviving. A good book once said it best, "Once we learn to admit that life is difficult, it becomes tolerable." - The Road Less Traveled.
So what is keeping me from that? What's my major malfunction? For one thing it's the constant shrinking of my own brain trying to find out what's wrong with me. I'm always wondering what's gonna come up next in this huge quest I call life. Will it be bills I can't pay or just complications in procedures that prevent me from doing shit for a while. Why do I even waste my time and energy worrying about these things? Because I've got nothing else to do. Honest answer, I promise.
I need to learn how to plan my days out for productivity. I have so many unfinished projects that it would be way easier to do something instead of just worrying about stuff I can do nothing about. Back to the topic though. This next couple of days, I'm gonna work on my self-importance and catch myself being self-less instead of selfish. I'm gonna plan out some objectives and actually get off my ass to complete them. The hard part is getting this done with a clear mind and not feeling sorry for myself or my situation. Music is good for this. Let's hope it stays that way ;D Mood: This and That Music: Fans - Kings of Leon
Just some random song I wrote to vent while thinking about How Many Times by ICP Hope you like it. Whoop Whoop!
How many times will I ask myself why? How many times will I cry?
How many times will I ask myself why? How many times will I cry?
How many times will I call your name, just to hear you yelling at me like you're insane? "Why didn't I do this? Why'd I do that?" Because your stupid ass put a wall on the welcome mat. What are you fuckin deaf, or do you have a death wish? Do you wanna see me floating like a dead fish?
How many times will I say FUCK YOU? I'd rather be homeless than to stay with you. I'm so sick of all stupid shit Ma. You justified fucking beating me with family. Now how can your history repeat so easily? Keep all the names I'm called untill I get mad. Then I can't let loose people'll think I'm unstable. And so I hang from curtain rods with extension cables. Right before I die God lifts his hand. So I end up back on the bed, razor blade in hand. Instead of slittin my wrists, I cut my thoughts. Cause I'm sick of all the stinkin thinkin fuckin with me tellin me to die.
How many times will I ask myself why? How many times will I cry?
How many times will I ask myself why? How many times will I cry?
How many times will I talk to myself about dumb shit, like grabbin up a fuckin beer? Then drivin round talkin bout homies, because the truth is I really feel alone B. Is that why I get all the visions of sitting on thrones?
How many times will I open up my closet, just to see the skeletons of the lost ID? That young little boy still in 5th grade. The one who bottles up until it turns to rage? How many times is he gonna cry, and after being him wishing you would fucking die? You call yourself parents out in the day, but in the dark realms of his mind there is certain hell to pay.
The Dark Carnival is where you'll get tortured. He sold his soul to The Great Milenko in order to divorce you. Now he's only a shell of his former self. He feels in his mind that there will be no help. So he puts on his ABU's and he prays. That the Air Force will keep he up for many many days. Cause on the day that his time is up is when the Great Deep will come and swallow him up.
How many times will I ask myself why? How many times will I cry?
How many times will I ask myself why? How many times will I cry?
Whoop Whoop! Mood: Whoop Whoop :joker Music: How Many Times - ICP
Hope you like it. Whoop Whoop!