So i miss you.
I miss talking to you.
I miss staying up late on the phone with you.
I miss texting you.
I miss laughing with you.
I miss talking about our 'past' with you.
I wish I could see you just once. So I could hug you really tight and tell you how big of an influence you were. Tell you how much you mean to me and how much I love you. I didn't feel alone when I talked to you. You know what I'm going through so you truly understood. But I guess You got busy and I don't matter as much. I guess you found someone else to talk to all night. That's okay. I'm not mad. I'm happy for you. And I knew this would happen.
So i thank you for the time we had together. I thank you for taking away the loneiness for just alittle while. Thank you for truly understanding what was going on. Thank you. And I love you. Knight. Mood: ....
I wish I had been there. I feel like I failed them. I wish i was there supporting them. But out of anger and stupidness, i stayed away. I could have been there. i could have prayed or done somekind of health spell for her and him. Now it's too late . Now I can try to be there for them before I leave. it's most I can do. Mood: Pissed off at myself
So today i'm graduating. Woohoo! Almost everyone who I wanted to go is going. Except my fathers. My real father and my Step-father. My step-father told me he hates me and wants nothing to do with my family. My real father has a family thing. A freaken family thing. The least he could have done was tell what it was. No he just told me to call him when it was over. i'm not calling him. I know I haven't been the best daughter but it's my graduation and I'm his oldest. I just want to scream! Why do neither of my fathers care about my graduation? I'm not mad at my father just wanted him there. Along with my little sister. I don't how to feel. Mood: Hurt and sad Music: Born this way by Lady Gaga
So My solution for my whole father thing was to cry my eyes out in the shower. I cried in the shower so my mother wouldn't hear or see me. I couldn't stop crying. All the tears that I had been holding back came flooding out. These were tears I held back about something else too. In my crying fitz (that just ended 60 seconds ago) I became convinced that I wasn't meant to have a father. My real father ran away because he couldn't handle his mistake and couldn't deal with being a father. And my Step-father cuts me and my mother and my little brother (who has depression and is six. What does that tell ya?) and says that he hates us. He was the first man I let into my life and heart. He is the first man I loved and he shattered my heart into a million pieces. He told me I was his baby girl and deticated a song to me. I was daddy's little girl and Now daddy wants nothing to do with me.
So I cried my eyes out. And I will most likely cry some more tomorrow. But for now, i guess i'm fine. Mood: Heart broken
So my father is a huge ass. He called my mother last night told he wanted nothing to do with me or my mother or my little brother. He called us gold diggers and users.
I have never been more pissed off at him in my life. Not even when he ditched my quinceanera and bailed on my father daughter dance. We took him back after he tried to kill my mom days before my quinceanera. After all those nights he got drunk and called us all kinds of names. He has somne fucking nerve. He put me through hell for all my middle school and high school carreer. He demanded I get perfect grades or else. He caused me serious mental problems and I need therapy. He TRIED to kill my mother IN FRONT OF ME and my cousins. I dont weither to cry or scream or both. I just dont know how to feel about him anymore.
