Dec 26, 2017, 02:34am
A quick BDSM question....
forum Advice
So real quick,
Just wanted to ask y’all, what does it mean when a dom buys his sub a collar/choker??

Do you think this is something personal for the sub and dom? Or?
Say for instance the dom took the sub out to a special place and they got to pick and choose a collar for her?

Does that collar therefore belong to that sub or?

I wanna hear everyone’s thoughts and just everything on this!

Also sorry if this is in the wrong thread? I haven’t been on VF in a long time...and a lot of threads suddenly seem gone....so I apologize once again
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Dec 26, 2017, 10:28am

its kind of interesting to explain, because its important for couples who are into BDSM to remember is that the master and slave dynamic is only soposed to be a fun game to play in bed, and should be left in the bedroom and removed from normal day to day. In regards to your question, and as a dom myself, the way i go about buying my sub something like a collar is by simply letting her choose one that she is comfortable with. Thats how all masters should go about getting new BDSM type gear in my opinion, because it allows the master to stay master in a way that they get what they want while showing the sub that they are still respected and considered as an equal. Hope this helps you out
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Posts: 331
Dec 26, 2017, 04:09pm

Mister_Black, I disagree. There are plenty of people who find more fulfilled living the master/slave lifestyle 24/7 or some variation of that. Not at all uncommon. Sometimes that stuff is spelled out in a master/slave written contract. It just depends what a person wants or needs.

As for the collar, I guess everybody has their own opinion, but I would see the collar a lot like an engagement ring. And people get into fights all the time about whether that is the property of the person who gave it, or a gift to the person who received it. And I have definitely known subs who buy or make their own collars as a symbol of their relationship with their dom. I have some stories about airport security and non-removable metal collars.
I worked with a guy whose wife openly wore her collar all of the time, her idea. And she was not shy about explaining why.
And I've known subs who were into extremely hardcore stuff. Being hardcore enough for them is not for everybody.
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Posts: 979
more jesusy than you
Dec 26, 2017, 09:55pm

I'm with Frank that a collar is basically just a very niche engagement ring. As to who it belongs to? Sheeeeyit. I'm a pretty non-materialistic person, I've let all my subs keep all the shit I've given them forever because it seems crazy to me to start a fight over doing it any other way. It's just stuff, y'know? You can go buy more.

If someone buys you a collar though, odds are they think that ass now belongs to them.
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Dec 27, 2017, 03:28am

depending on what is discussed is the level of the relationship
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Dec 27, 2017, 05:14pm

6red6oil6 well say it’s a dd/lg relationship!

Dd buys it’s for her...
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Dec 28, 2017, 12:24pm

consent and trust is key when it comes to a bdsm relationship or agreement , gifts and compassion is to show your kitten or pet your appreciation
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Posts: 992
more jesusy than you
Dec 29, 2017, 02:04am

Dude you want some mangy-ass used leather collar? Leather is porous af, shit is just a sweat sponge. Pleather is even worse, gets all crackly and gross after a while.

Homegirl can keep it. I don't want that shit back, I'm certainly not about to regift it.
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Dec 29, 2017, 08:17pm

What if the dom that bought it for the sub...let another different sub keep it?....

GnarlyThotep
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Posts: 341
Dec 29, 2017, 08:26pm

It's a different relationship. It does kind of sound like showing favoritism, but again, it's a different relationship.
Regular old relationships are difficult enough, dom/sub relationships are even more complicated and difficult.
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more jesusy than you
Dec 30, 2017, 05:18am

Then that's trife.
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Pisswhiskers
Jan 01, 2018, 03:52am

I can't see why either party would want to keep a collar after a breakup. As previously noted about the sweat you've just got a big old reminder of something that went wrong. Ditch the collar, get a new one for a new arrangement
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Jan 01, 2018, 03:43pm

Its maddening to me to think its 'OKAY' to give away someones collar.....i mean so if you buy a regular everyday necklace...you'd regift it?
Absolutely mad.

Just wanted to hear everyone's thoughts on this and just your opinion and take on....helps me feel a little less crazy
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Jan 02, 2018, 08:22am

It depends on the people. Some grab a crappy collar for pocket change and believe themselves dom over whomever they gift it to. Some people have it just as part of a sex-game. Others for fashion. For some it's part of a lifestyle. Which I'm guessing is what you're seeking to address, and has been pretty much been covered by people here: engagement ring is a good analogy. Or hand-fasting for a pagan tenet.

I've had some of my friends have collaring ceremonies - rather a large social group of kinksters and event runners - and it's been treated like a quasi-wedding. They normally are married, or are in serious relationships, and it's just a way to show publicly that you are submitting to another person.

The collar is not about sex or anything bestial - nominally at least - and its role in an DDlg relationship is questionable if that's all the relationship is. It seems whomever your daddy was either had sidequirks - as well as this sidepiece - or was more into you for the image rather than the actuality.
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Jan 04, 2018, 10:48pm

xxschmerzengelxx
I know my response isn't quite what you're looking for, my friend, but in my personal opinion it'd be best to ask your Dom what it meant. Whether or not it symbolizes something significant or if it's simply a way to get you something you're comfortable with.

Not everyone's mind works the same and therefore you could end up with multiple possibilities which could leave you with many more questions that may never be answered.

Communication with one another would be the best route to go and it also shows the Dom that it interests you and could even potentially help him find ways to show you the meaning of various actions that they take so that it doesn't leave you with questions.

Anyway, that is my opinion. I hope it helps a little.
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Jan 06, 2018, 02:09pm

ShadowWolf9223 that was actually very very helpful...thank you. I will take into consideration of asking him although a lot of time has elapsed since then....well not really. but overall very helpful
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