Nov 11, 2017, 05:30pm
getting over old bullies
forum Advice
So I was bullied alot when I was younger to the point I tried to kill myself twice now am 23 and haven't spoken to the bullies for years but I am still affected by there cruelty almost every fay and have several mental disorders because of them and when I look them up on social media and see how normal and happy there lifes turned out it makes ne angry how is it because of there actions my life is the only one affected I dont know how to just let go I know I need to grow up and just let go but its not that easy any advice?
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Nov 11, 2017, 09:34pm

I can't believe I'm saying this, but have you tried counseling? It sounds like you could benefit from talking this out with someone. Life isn't like a movie, the people who treat us poorly don't always get their comeuppance, and the downtrodden don't often become prom queens.

I'm sorry to hear about you being bullied, though. People can definitely be incredibly cruel. My advice to you would be to find something you really enjoy doing and to just throw yourself into it, the better you do at whatever it is the more confidence you will have in yourself. After that, other peoples opinions of you, or what other people are doing with their lives, won't matter so much.
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Nov 12, 2017, 12:27am

GnarlyThotep that's pretty much how I cope with things as well and it's always worked for me. I hate therapy and have had dozens of therapists over the years and have never felt like any of them helped. But for the OP, if they haven't tried it before it might be worth a shot. I know statistically a lot of people find therapy very helpful. I'm just not one of them.

You brought up another great point, though. There are 7.4 billion people in this world. That's a lot of people that we haven't met yet. Yeah, probably a lot of them are terrible, but not all of them surely. And through this "something you really enjoy doing" that I mentioned, you'll meet other people who have the same values and interests. I chose STEM and I'm honestly so busy with school and my three extra curricular groups that I don't even have the time or energy to care about what other people think of me. Each day is a newfound source of pride in myself and someday, I'm going to have a badass career out of it. Those are the things that really matter; how you feel about yourself and your future.
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Creepy Old Fucker
Nov 12, 2017, 04:33pm

I hope you win the lottery. That would really crush those bullies of yours lol. Anyway, just take each day at a time and concentrate on having as much fun as you can. Always try to be positive and think things will get better. They usually do. And I'm sure your bullies don't have a perfect life. Everyone has problems they hide from everyone else. EVERYONE.
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Nov 14, 2017, 04:50pm

The only thing you can do is progress. Do what KeyserxxxSoze said for therapy, but the ultimate form of vengeance is to improve yourself and become a better person. Karma will eventually get them, but holding a grudge will poison you
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Nov 15, 2017, 10:17pm

Its very hard to move past it.
My rapist was my best friend...but when i stopped hanging out with him and all those friends we mutually had (that cared about me) started going around saying i was whoring myself out to my rapist the entire summer...i found out they were going around telling people all kinds of things about me that werent true. It fucked me up so bad. I have issues, major issues. I cant trust people...Therapy can help, but you have to want it. Its hard to let go of that anger. I am in the same boat so my advice isnt helpful...because i still cry even after three years and wonder "why do they get to live life up, while i fall to my knees bawling when i hear their names?"
I believe in Karma.
But sometimes the Karma is becoming a successful person and proving them wrong. Coming out as the better person will always be the best Karma.
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Dec 07, 2017, 06:02am

For me the talking to the people who bullied me helped. They were sorry for what they had done and that I wasn't the reason for being their only target.
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Feb 25, 2018, 05:50pm

My advice as a former victim of bullying is to not really care weather they are successful in their life or not. I know that it's hard, but it's the best thing you can do for yourself. To worry about how your doing first and foremost. It's not easy, but you just have to trie.
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Mar 05, 2018, 05:37pm

Success is the best revenge. The the absolute best you can be in your chosen profession. You did noting wrong and are not at fault for anything. You can't change the past so don't dwell on it. Be happy with who and what you are and what you can become. The Law of Karma will take care of those who abused you at one time. And for anyone who is still experiencing bullying the best way to deal with a bully is to give them a dose of their own medicine and show them they are really powerless. The best way to deal with a bully is to beat the shit out of them, literally and figuratively.
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Mar 05, 2018, 08:41pm

Put them all on the dirty lol
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Mar 06, 2018, 02:49am

It's a very common thing in countries foreign to the US. Young people just get used to it and become humble to quit sentimentally.
See, in other countries young people just get more mature about hanging on the their very own human nature and quit the rest.
Many of the very successful people on earth came from hash areas in their upbringing.
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Mar 06, 2018, 03:46pm

I would recommend seeing a therapist. I learned from them that a good way to help with those feelings is to use a positive coping skill, like your hobbies. Also, certain therapists can use hypnosis, which is used in a similar way as meditation.
Edited by Blackenedstar on Mar 07, 2018, 05:35am
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Mar 07, 2018, 05:29pm

Most kids by nature have a feminine nature that get hurt easily till they get intellectually developed. I think nothing of bullying games.
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Apr 11, 2018, 07:03am

I have tons to say on this subject, hopefully some of it will help you. (I went through the same thing).

One thing that bothers me is the word "bullying" because all kids go through "bullying" (there's that one guy who messes with everybody) but how many people grew up being OTHERED, shunned, ostracized, etc.? There's a difference between the routine "bullying" that all kids go through versus the torment that only you, me, and a few other kids ever had to face.

When you tell people you've been "bullied", they probably picture the routine bullying that all kids go through rather than the torment you suffered.

Then, what also makes your position so upsetting, is the fact that people believe in the "just world theory". Everyone will tell you that the good guy wins in the end, or things like "Bullies don't know how to fight" (So I must REALLY be a wimp since they fight better than me!) (In reality most "bullies" know how to fight a hell of a lot better than your average accountant. Consider that "bullies" enjoy fighting and do so frequently).

It makes you feel like you must be the bad guy when you lose that fight.

Noone wants to just admit that sometimes, the bad guy wins the fight. Even in like the movie Friday when he won that fight against Debo, you know irl Debo wins 80% of the time, right?

But noone wants to admit that.

Sorry to compare your life traumas to a mid-low tier 90s comedy movie. I know that's a horrible example but its the only one I could come up with.

My point in typing this is it helps to be acknowledged so that THEN you can move on.
Edited by Cleveland_1988 on Apr 11, 2018, 02:47pm
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Apr 11, 2018, 08:48am

Speaking to a professional sounds like a really good option for you. It can be really helpful and cathartic to talk about it to someone uninvolved and have them guide the conversation to get to the root of the problem. If you do end up reaching out to them, I would let your therapist know first and do it as part of your therapy. They can help you construct a message that doesn't read as trying to stir up old shit and having someone with you when you get the response can help you have less of a combative, reactionary reply.
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Apr 12, 2018, 03:07pm

It's nice to be bullied so long as mama's spirit gets mastered reasonably through real manhood in depp love with a woman, and never assume idolized pride as assholes do, because that's what you're really left with in the long run in the first cause sex experiences , yes, an assholized soul all for yourself despite of all power duging settings; Why then? Bully back hard - this is the big solver!
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Apr 13, 2018, 03:00pm

Binaco, no because that makes you the bully. Bad idea to actually become like your own tormentor.
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Apr 13, 2018, 03:20pm

I think it's a stupid idea to suggest that one should resort to bullying by becoming the bully. Than you are the bully, basically. Same with just beating the bully.

What people don't get is that bullying is actually very hard to solve. The bully may not even comprehend that what they are doing is bullying. Just look at the alt- right accusing Emma Gonzalez being a bully. They are, in fact, the ones bullying the survivors, do you think these people are even aware that what they are doing may be seen as a type of bullying? Im not terribly sure.

Sometimes the bully stops when they are being addressed. Other times they don't, and that means you have to look for other solutions to prevent it from happening.

If you terrorize the person in return over a long period of time, you are down the same rabid hole.

If you attack them physically, thats not a guarantee that they will stop either.

This was addressed to Binaco, BTW
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Apr 13, 2018, 03:39pm

Cleveland_1: This actually depends, but I figured out that weather it's good or bad, look at 'how am I doing' in the now. If it's bad, I deal with it where I am. If it's good, I am happy right where I am. I've learned to be happy about the smaller things.

As for my tormentors, I really don't care how they are doing, but it's probably not so bad that even the popular kids gets a fair chance later in life. As long as they don't continue to be complete assholes.

I think most of us just blend into the world we call life, when we come of age.

Whereas some are 'stuck' behind and continues to be assholes for the rest of their lives.
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Apr 13, 2018, 03:45pm

Antares777: All of this depends. It can have good results or the result can be the polar opposite. Not an advice Id give without further ado
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Apr 14, 2018, 06:54pm

This thing about the bully is the manner you can handle it, the joke may likely be on the first active bully.
So how do you get the training about bully powers?
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