My Story Bit

Age: 25
Location: UK
Occupation: Student
Status: Single

I don't mind that you're not going to read this part, but I think it's only fair to warn you that you're missing out on cunningly incorporated tales of rambunctious debauchery and sexual perversion.

I find it difficult to know what to say, without sounding like a broken record. Most online profiles are tired rehashings of old cliches, but perhaps the old cliches are the best. Have you noticed the increasing trend towards meaningless catch-phrases- "You don't know me so don't label me!", or unprovoked threats- "...and don't you DARE say anything bad against my friends or I'll kick your head in!"? Heaven forbid we should actually have to write something informative about ourselves, and realize how utterly trite we are.

(So with that in mind, I would just like to say that I'm completely fresh and unique).

Here are some things about me that you might possibly find more interesting than reading a lengthy list of my favourite bands, or doing whatever piece of important work you're hiding from here on VF:

» I am cultivating a weird monkey obsession. I like to spell monkey with a H monkeh. I find it phonetically pleasing.

» I was a Christian when I was a child, but years of church provided me with much too much quiet time to contemplate the feasibility of it all.

» I love the smell of matches that've just gone out, tarmac in the sun and Calpol.

» I'm a bit arrogant and a little spoilt. I always want to do everything better than anyone else, including my own previous self. I start things with immense enthusiasm, then abandon them with equal enthusiasm approximately 3 weeks later. I'm much better at fine detail than the big picture.

» When I was sixteen I could hula hoop for an hour without dropping it or getting tired (I timed it).

» When I was seventeen I decided to work / live at a stables in the lake district... it lasted about a week.

» I get annoyed quickly, but calm down quickly too. I don't have the memory to bear a grudge. I enjoy the occasional screaming row, especially with partners.

» I put cheese on my spaghetti Os, and occasionally in my soup.

If you want to leave me a comment but you're still stuck for something to say, why don't you tell me what you'd do with 20 million dollars and a sense of humour? *Disclaimer* You may have to start with "your profile says..." as I have the memory of a.. what are those gold coloured fish called?

And the vivid descriptions of sexual perversion you were promised? Heh. Guess you really can't believe everything you read on the internet!