There's pics of me, me and solemn, me and Blood haze, Amanda, my dad my sister and I, .. that's all I think... Also pics of me and Dark tiger, over 3 years ago on the holiday where we first came close .. I have green eyes..� they change colour from time to time. blue-grey, to green, sometimes 2 at once. and photos they're always different......
Identiopathic Personality Disorder hah. fucking Identiopath.. I don't wanna be one. It's like, in the end, my alternative reality is worse than the one I'm running from? Seems a good label for where I'm at now, Taking bits of each religion. Still in the 1%. Fuck this shit I'm sick of it you're going down this is a war......
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http://mephistan.hi5.com I haven't mentioned Aidan yet have I... or Ash... Ill try get a pic in here soon. Aidan's my best friend (though he used to hate me and now just doesn't know me though we're having coffee soon) but I speak of him a lot. and Ash was kinda our Idol, and Aidan and my Prophet or Mentor or something... who got scared when we knew too much. talked total maybe 6 hours in last 10 months but nothing about them hating me just trivial shit, like hexic, or Aidan's an idiot. after my recent breakthrough I realise I know now what ash knew.
There's a pic up there, the sexy chick in the gold hat, that's Amanda... Now I realise I haven't spoken at all of her in here (I think) and not much to many people in new Zealand either, unless they ask. *feels bad* I dunno I love her and miss her like shit at the moment of course because I'm here and the things high in emotion now are kinda regressing. don't ever try to fucking judge me you don't know what the fuck I've been through. you don't even try to understand me so how could you know. �
anyway my lovely people of Australia; Amanda, Casey, Genevieve, Christina, Tamara, Candy.. and guys... *shrugs* my nephew who stands above all there aside my sister Aleisha and Amanda. Richard. and then there's Daniel. and Ross and all those mofo's. they're great. brads a little weaned sometimes and. ah well peace out you all. Casey I love and care for because I'm like a guardian angel but I don't love her the way I did Amanda.. then again I suppose there's not too much of a 'way' to that love but it just is and it's nothing simple.
lol I realise recently that I have a slight vertigo (though I always climb things) I have a phobia of spiders (yet they don't scare me?> well house spiders and stuff I like always take them out for girls that are here) I'm scared of tornado's (yet they fascinate me) and the other one was...cant remember now..
Keeping the faith; Keeping the dream alive; Honor through Honesty; No he conocido todo tu dolor........... Love poetry, and deep meaning in things.. I think too much, at least in my present situation..
In any sense I'm me and if you detest that then you have no reason to be a part of my world.... I'm known as Ray ;p and sometimes I am reduced to little more than cattle. or sheep if you'd prefer, Lambs are cute tho ^-^ so are wombats, here but that's not what I mean.
I also have a strong sense of fate. which scares me sometimes when I get examples of it, so I start foreseeing my own future, and considering outcomes, sometimes when there's a thought that I plead to myself that seems out of reach, I can only point out the alternatives.
Who's a Leo? I am, 12/8/88. �
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Likes
Beautiful minds; Probably you if you consider my words and take some odd respect for them...
Most things I can handle but cant handle anything else, I am my own mistake, based on me and not on my groin.
Consider this: If I am then what is not me? ; You are the architect of your own imprisonment ; Blood is pouring...
I like Meaning and Reason... I need to understand things... which can really irritate me.
"You've claimed all this time that you would die for me. Why then are you so surprised when hear your own eulogy?"
Tool - Eulogy
Movies I like: The Butterfly Effect, A Walk to Remember, Donnie Darko, Requiem for a Dream, 8 Mile... none more come to mind just yet. One Perfect Day "I feel you, breathing, inside me... Don't hear my words, Feel my heart beat... How does a song, Disappear...And how can I, Be anything else, But yours..."
Tv, i dont really watch TV though: Invader Zim, Scrubs, South Park, Family Guy, 70's Show, and Roswell!! that show was awesome. hehe so is Dragon Ball Z, that used to be intense, used too look forward to getting home and watching that hehe
Books: Riftwar saga by Raymond E. Feist (Magician, Silverthorn, Darkness at Sethanon) Legends of Riftwar, Serpentwar Saga (I havnt read the second 2/4 yet) Dune by Frank Herbert (I'm just reading this again when i read it 4 years ago i like.. didnt understand much and couldnt apreciate it but now its like, a really good book) Dragonlance Chronicles (only read 1/3) The Hobbit and Lord of the Rings, I felt proud reading them all before the movies hehe. but I like Magician Better, that book made me cry ;o hehe
Dislikes
One Set of footprints in the sand ~ I walk along the shoreline in our silent symphony...
It's only ever a matter of time until someone starts asking the right questions
hey look at me.. I'm the spawn of my own bad dream, denial in it's truest form!
Humanity, Simplicity? Cattle.. that's just something I cant contest with.
I'm complicated, and I have the hate. Just need someone to give me a reason and I'll peel off my face........ All the lies have left me torn
I actually dislike msn. it allows you to be too many people at once. and it isn't always true, evil, consuming... easy.
People who are too quick to conclude can be really difficult. Assumptions are the mother of all fuck-ups
I hate players. And people who think they're so much smarter than they are. And people who bitch about the trivialities of their life when they haven't had anything in reality worth being upset or pained by. �
Misunderstandings with ones who should trust. If for some reason you're going to assume too much, ask the question that makes sure you're thinking on the right path, rather than think too much. I hate thinking too much
I hate it when it seems my opinion has absolutely no value... Is that arrogance? it's just when loved ones kind of shrug it off especially when it's as important as when the same happens to them... Ahwell. I'll have to get over it then.
"I'm-not-like-you-I-just-fuck-up"
Favorite Music
"...All of this..."
Nu Metal and Rock. Black Metal and Underground. Some Rap and Hip-Hop Chillout and Trip-Hop Decent Trance or House, Usually Hard-Style or HardMelodix these days A simple melody. Symphony of Silence Drum 'n' Bass, Trance 'n' Bass -
Ill Ni�o, Spineshank, Mudvayne, Stone Sour, Linkin Park, Slipknot, Korn, Static-X, Mindless Self Indulgence, Blindspott, Immortal, Unloco, Tool, 3rd Strike... more will come to mind... Perfect Circle, Opeth, Neurosis, Isis, Ayreon.. http://www.myspace.com/olmechasupreme, Pantera, fuck it i'll do this later this shit just hasn't been updated in so long. it's not even true and it's fucking with my head. what a wierdly&ignorant boy I was. Dream Theater, Naglfar, Mastodon, Metallica (on some levels)... Evanesence cant beleive I forgot to mention them... {Slipknot made me, changed my path}... Coal Chamber, Disturbed.. Rammstein, Lacuna Coil.. Omg I forgot Symphony X and Static-X. And System of a Down, and Lost Prophets!!... Deftones!, Pink Floyd, David Bowie, Inxs and Michael Hutchense, Rage Against the Machine... Not really Eminem too. bit of an off genre you would think. And Concord Dawn ~ nz d'n'b group. Blindside, Limp Bizkit, SevenDust, Savage Garden haha, rofl at least I didn't even say limp bizkit, oh wait i did, Marilyn Manson, Fear Factory, Cradle of Flith, Dimmu Borgir, "all work and no play make jack a very dull boy"-"No!, The other way round!!"1936 9/8/07
Here are two poems I wrote~
Suffocating� Ray Ching
I am whatever you say I am. No matter what I am to myself, I won�t appear the same to others.
I�m somewhere between the screaming and the crying, and hate isn�t enough to describe me. Feeding on the knowledge that made me, trying to understand everything that comes at me.
I see a withering society, a decaying future� The fall of the innocent and poor, and the rise of the arrogant and wealthy. Sacrifices� pledged to fanatical causes.
My world is music, it is everything. Sounds of industry and schools and home From the everyday music, to the inspirational songs.
I�ve awaken to another vision of this reality, hearing things that infest and change my beliefs. Once considered corrupted views, now overrule that which once was and will never be again. Consider me scarred with the truth that isn�t preferable. Think of me as in another world if you must�
Thoughts plague my head as I sift through them every spare moment. Trapped in the wake of a dream as they haunt my life and I see that which is yet to be and these prophecies are fulfilled
Stenches of machinery as the fumes intoxicate our planet, fragrances of sweet flowers pleasant to me. Feelings in the presence of a loved one, forming teardrops that fall to the ground in silence.
I am all these things and I choose to live on the edge. Of my future it is hard to say for I deal with things as they come at me. As we deal with the pressures of life we can�t help but crave for certain order, that which those considered significant claim to uphold
Seething in my head, I�m suffering instead, I can�t remember why this meant so much to me. (DOUBT) did I ever want this? It�s all could have been, It�s all I would�ve been. (DOUBT) did I ever want this? It�s all I�ve ever been, It�s all I�ll ever be.
In the space between a blink and a tear in the moment between light and dark when it seems everything is innocent and pure and all your love flows through those dearest� This is what I hope that will last, my faith rests in the hearts of others.
degenerate� Ray Ching
I stand and watch myself, from somewhere else, Something I don�t want to receive I�m leading a lifeless life, on a forsaken path Feeling the answers that struggle inside, questions of the past I walk along the shoreline in my silent song, Dwelling on that which I once had to believe
At the age of 15, realising my true fate, Wanting to forget all the things that I hate Fearing what I could become Despising that to which I succumb When I feel weak, I�m keeping the dream alive When I know doubt, I�m keeping the faith in line
Existing in and out of corrupted views Just got to find your inner strength, and pull that shit out of you Sometimes I just feel tired; Everything I know is like a burden to torture my soul And sometimes I feel deceived; I sift through what�s real and not which forms a gaping hole
I believe there�s something more I know that there�s always a reason I believe that there should be justice Though sometimes it comes to treason Sometimes I don�t want to know, nor do I want to feel Every time I try to see, something makes it seem so unreal
My excuses are a part of me My emotions sometimes lie to me There�s always pain inside I can�t quite understand No one is the same as me but more than one can feel I�m not that self-destructive Just weird and indecisive
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Here are a few Labeling Quizes which seem to work. I like them all the same. Or at least are happy enough with the answers.
Your dark side is centered around Destructive Power. A strong powerful castel built above broken fragile glass, behind this setteled confident look there is a beautiful, innocent child waiting for someone to play with. All you want is an independent caring soul, completes you, no more lies or worries, just a strong connection bonded by trust so you can feel special and confident, find a new meaning for everything, life will be almost perfect like you want. You will find what you want when know that life is not always like we want it to be.
What is the center of your dark core? (updated) brought to you by Quizilla You are Form 3, Unicorn: The Innocent. "And The Unicorn knew she wasn't meant to go into the Dark Wood. Disregarding the advice given to her by the spirits, Unicorn went inside and bled silver blood.. For her misdeed, the world knew evil" Some examples of the Unicorn Form are Eve (Christian) and Pandora (Greek). The Unicorn is associated with the concept of innocence, the number 3, and the element of water. Her sign is the twilight sun. As a member of Form 3, you are a curious individual. You are drawn to new things and become fascinated with ideas you've never come in contact with before. Some people may say you are too nosey, but it's only because you like getting to the bottom of things and solving them. Unicorns are the best friends to have because they are inquisitive. Which Mythological Form Are You? brought to you by Quizilla
You are a PHOENIX in your soul and your wings make a statement. Huge and born of flame, they burn with light and power and rebirth. Ashes fall from your wingtips. You are an amazingly strong person. You survive, even flourish in adversity and hardship. A firm believer in the phrase, 'Whatever doesn't kill you only makes you stronger,' you rarely fear failure. You know that any mistake you make will teach you more about yourself and allow you to 'rise from the ashes' as a still greater being. Because of this, you rarely make the same mistake twice, and are among the most forgiving people. You feel a need to understand. You're extremely powerful and wise, and are capable of fierce pride, passion, and anger. Perhaps you're this way because you were forced to survive a rough childhood. Or maybe you just have a strong grasp on reality and know that life is tough and the world is cruel, and it takes strength and independence to survive it. And independence is your strongest point - you may care for others, and even depend on them...but when it comes right down to it, the only one you need is yourself. Thus you trust your own intuition, and rely on a mind almost as brilliant as the fire of your wings to guide you.You are eternal and because you have a strong sense of who and what you are, no one can control your heart or mind, or even really influence your thinking. A symbol of rebirth and renewal, you tend to be a very spiritual person with a serious mind - never acting immature and harboring a superior disgust of those who do. Likewise, humanity's stupidity and tendency to want others to solve their problems for them frustrates you endlessly. Though you can be stubborn, outspoken, and haughty, I admire you greatly. *~*~*Claim Your Wings - Pics and Long Answers*~*~* brought to you by Quizilla �
Bai Hu - Tiger! Mythological Background: The tiger is associated with strength and the desire for a challenge. It is also associated with hope to win, or rather, the blooming season. It is also linked to meandering, or the ability to be in contact with a lot of aspects. The tiger also stands for war and soldiers fighting to the end, for the sake of their country. Which Chinese Mythological Being Are You? brought to you by Quizilla
IT'S TIME TO CRANK IT TO 11 MAGGOT! true 'knot fan. you know you're shit and don't give a damn what anyone says about them.you probably have merch from everyone's side projects too! and maybe a copy of every soundtrack that contains a slipknot song.you eat,sleep,breathe,and bang your head and blare your speakers till your ears bleed to slipknot.be loud and proud.
"Thoughts of me exemplified, all my little flaws I have denied, Everyday I see a little more, Overall deficiencies... I'm nothing short of being one complete catastrophy!!!" "God what the fuck is wrong, you act like you knew it all along, Your timing sucks your silence is a blessing... All I ever wanted out of you, was take me right here and just beleive, Now take a Real good look at what You've fucking done to Me!!!" ... Help me.
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Dark_Tiger_Queen aka BloodHaze (Gemma)
Yes, I would like you as a friend!!! Congrates... message me if you want. Here, you get a kool picture.Take this 
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