_Zsadist_ [at] Vampirefreaks.com

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We got soul! - LJ Witherspoon Sex: female Age: 21 Location: New York, New York, United States Member since: December 16, 2006 Account: Premium Member Orientation: Straight Status: VF Addict ADD FRIEND ADD FAVORITE ADD TO SHITLIST ADD TO CULT BLOCK USER REPORT USER

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[ I'm currently in desperate need of a new layout; if you're willing to make me one [nothing complicated] then let me know! Don't forget to check out the extra profile pages near the bottom, I worked long and hard on 'em :3 ] Rogue: n. no longer obedient, belonging, or accepted and hence not controllable or answerable; deviating, renegade. Personally I am Seven. I am Reverend Vai the altar defiler. I am Mephistress, for I am never averse to indulging my basest, most primitive, most hedonistic desires, yet I am master of them. I am a polyamorous libertine who is willing to try most things at least once. I am wrathful when incensed and easily driven to destruction. I am devoted when I love and have been known to bargain my soul for the benefit of another's. I am a slave to nostalgia and a slave to memory, and my flashbacks are always gripping. I'd rather die by exsanguination. I long for a male with the fire of a warrior, the stolid strength of the earth, the ethereality and sophistication of a scholar, and a devotion as vast and boundless as the seas. I am the Gloominatus, the sacrilegend, Al Pacino sticking his finger in the holy water and grinning madly as it sizzles. I wear sunglasses in both artificial and natural light, lest I squint myself into a headache. Culturally I am adamantly nonconformist by nature and strive for uniqueness. I am a lifelong subscriber to the DIY ethic. I embrace Goth with my affinity for the darkness, arcane love of the poetic and the eloquent, and constant need for artistic expression. I embrace Vampyre with my love for all things sensually dark, seductively mysterious, and dangerously arcane. I embrace Industrial with my desire to stomp the concrete to sounds that would offend many. I embrace Graver with my affection for the club scene and its lush synthpop, grinding EBM, and futuristic electronica. I embrace Metal with nearly everything in me; I embrace it with my fierce need for the melody and the aggression, the familial feeling of being at a show, and the cathartic experience of thrashing to a song I love. Artistically I pour my soul into my writing and I seal it between the notes of my favorite songs. I am deeply affected by music and truly feel lost and dissociated from life without it. Like Anne Rice's Lasher, I am a slave to rhythm, to melody, to poetry. Emotionally I worship those who bring me beauty and am collared to those who cause me pain. I sometimes long to burn with hate, instead of burning for those I love. I am not as heartless as I imagine myself to be. Sometimes I only breathe because not breathing physically hurts more. I feel as if I will never know the purity of love; I feel tainted, ruint, damaged. I am no longer capable of a long term relationship. I fear not the Reaper, but I cower from the pain of life. I want, and somehow never gain. I am a scourge that once aspired to be a panacea. Spiritually I am inherently nihilistic, though one small part of me wants to believe in the alleged beauty of life. I strive for the eclectic, the esoteric, and the ethereal. I am no stranger to discord, dysfunction, or depression. I see decadence all around me, but I pray for enlightenment, for control out of these depths. I want to connect with the universe I am a part of, but I feel unworthy. My moral standing is lying down. I do not subscribe to the sociological/theological ideas of "good" and "evil". I loathe the shackles of religion and dogma burns me like holy water on the skin of Lestat. I believe we should celebrate death and mourn birth, for this world is no heavenly delight. I find my existence to be quite purgatorial and I am still trying to recall the cardinal sin that sentenced me here. I am scorned and believed to be damned, but I still pray to whatever is listening that my headstone will not proclaim "Rest In Agony". We're the low-art Gloominati, and we aim to depress The scabaret sacrilegends, this is the Golden Age of Grotesque. ‡ My name is Chai. You may know me as Rogue, Seven, Kilgannon, Lady El-Jay, Reverend Vai, Mephistress/Mephistopheles, or--*snicker*--Slasher, the Guitar Hero™ Rocket Queen. ‡ I have been a scourge on this land for 20 years. ‡ I was born the year the seminal Appetite for Destruction was released. I was born to love Guns N' Roses. ‡ I am an amalgam of subcultures; not Goth, not Industrial, not Metalhead, not Raver, not Vampyre...but I am all of these with a dash of DIY. I am the Gloominati, the sacrilegend, the arcane drifter, and the altar defiler. I am best described as a Freak. ‡ Two-year resident of NYC, and I know Manhattan almost better than I know New Jersey, my birthplace. ‡ Sporadic user of Second Life. My name is Rehenna Sands. ‡ You just may need a Second Life. ‡ I am not a sadist. Keep reading. About the username: Zsadist is a character in my favorite book series of all time, by a wonderful lady named J.R. Ward. He is one of six vampire warriors collectively known as the Black Dagger Brotherhood. They defend their race against their nemeses, the lessers, part of a collective known as the Lessening Society. They're basically soulless humans that live to kill vampires. So anyhow, Zsadist is important to me because his story stands out the most. HE stands out the most. I can't even explain what Zsadist represents to me, what he means to me. And if you think I'm loony for being this deep about a book character, then you obviously know nothing about it. Read the books. [Or at least check out the site: JRWard.com You won't regret it. I would also like to mention that JR Ward is one of the most beautiful, sweetest people I've ever met. I willl treasure my signed book forever. ♥ Dark Lover - Story of Wrath Lover Eternal - Story of Rhage Lover Awakened - Story of Zsadist Lover Revealed - Story of Butch O'Neal Lover Unbound - Story of Vishous Lover Enshrined [June 2008] - Story of Phury

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